Gender Reveal disappointment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

DH & I have struggled to have children the last few years. We went through in vitro and successfully am now pregnant with a son. Since in vitro is an incredibly controlled process, the gender of the embryos (5 of them) that were viable & healthy were revealed to us and they were 4 male with 1 female. The embryo the doctors transferred this time happened to be male.

I am ecstatic about having a son. When I told my Mother, her face kinda fell. She has 2 grandsons already and seems to always place me with having girls. (Just FYI- I have one sister who has the 2 boys who is probably done and 1 brother who just got married & has no kids yet). Her immediate question was "Did you ask them to transfer the girl? Why wouldn't you want to go for it?" I'm really hurt by her response and hate this bizarre category she is putting me in. I regret telling her the information about the embryos in the first place but she badgered me into it. I know she'll love the baby when it comes, but she has this idea in her head that her future granddaughters are coming from me.

I would be happy with whatever I got at this point- DH and I have been wanting this for awhile but now that I am fully pregnant with a son we have embraced it and it's been wonderful. We may have a daughter in the future but we may not- and I'm more than ok with all of the above scenarios!
Thoughts on how to handle it with my Mother?

Np. I'm sorry your mother is not being supportive. Are you planning on having more than one? If so, perhaps you can say the girl is the next one. If not, say im sorry you ate not thrilled that we are having a baby. I know your feelings about it but please dont mention it again as we are happy to have a baby and your comments are hurtful and unnecessary.

There's no guarantee that an embryo will succeed every time.

[Anonymous]

Did you tell your mom you had a choice? My sister did IVF and they did not give her a choice or info. She had to wait for the 20w sono like everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally would tell her that she hurt your feelings by not being supportive, especially since she knows all you have been through to get a healthy baby on the way. Then let it go.

Exactly this. And congrats on your son! Boys are amazing.

This ^^ - I can only imagine how that hurt. Congratulations on your son!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh good gosh! Your mom wanted a granddaughter. She is human, and your struggles are yours, this is exactly why older people can't put up with their adult kids. Stop the drama. How many times you hurt her feelings in all your years? I bet you a million. She can have any ideas in her head, how are you going to control her head? There comes a time when grown up children are supposed to mature and realize that their parents are older and not their ultimate cheer leader, they are just people like yourself.

The problem isn’t with controlling what’s in grandma’s head; it’s with grandma not controlling what comes out of her mouth. Clearly OP is having a rough go of conceiving, she doesn’t need any grief from her mom. Grandma is entitled to her feelings, but she ideally would have kept them to herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh good gosh! Your mom wanted a granddaughter. She is human, and your struggles are yours, this is exactly why older people can't put up with their adult kids. Stop the drama. How many times you hurt her feelings in all your years? I bet you a million. She can have any ideas in her head, how are you going to control her head? There comes a time when grown up children are supposed to mature and realize that their parents are older and not their ultimate cheer leader, they are just people like yourself.

AMEN TO INFINITY!

You're pregnant, so be grateful and stop whining

[Anonymous]

Shame on the pp.

Congratulations OP. Your mom is being stupid but we all suffer from this from time to time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh good gosh! Your mom wanted a granddaughter. She is human, and your struggles are yours, this is exactly why older people can't put up with their adult kids. Stop the drama. How many times you hurt her feelings in all your years? I bet you a million. She can have any ideas in her head, how are you going to control her head? There comes a time when grown up children are supposed to mature and realize that their parents are older and not their ultimate cheer leader, they are just people like yourself.

AMEN TO INFINITY!

You're pregnant, so be grateful and stop whining

Strange to have such a strong reaction blaming the OP, who hasn't even said anything hurtful to her mom. Why wouldn't you tell grandma, "Your daughter's pregnant, so be grateful and stop whining"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh good gosh! Your mom wanted a granddaughter. She is human, and your struggles are yours, this is exactly why older people can't put up with their adult kids. Stop the drama. How many times you hurt her feelings in all your years? I bet you a million. She can have any ideas in her head, how are you going to control her head? There comes a time when grown up children are supposed to mature and realize that their parents are older and not their ultimate cheer leader, they are just people like yourself.

AMEN TO INFINITY!

You're pregnant, so be grateful and stop whining

Strange to have such a strong reaction blaming the OP, who hasn't even said anything hurtful to her mom. Why wouldn't you tell grandma, "Your daughter's pregnant, so be grateful and stop whining"?

I am first pp in quoted above. My issue is that OP was so hurt she had to post this. Should her mom just say, congrats? Yes, but her mom is human. My point was that it seems that there is no age when adult children accept their parents as regular flawed human beings and not their cheerleaders. Tearing down your parents has become the norm, how does that make adult children any more mature? Adult children shrug off their parents behavior, once they are mature to accept them as flawed human beings, and not perfect moms.This is regular daily faux pas, her mom didn't beat her. Nobody can live up to the expectations of that perfection in today's cheer-leading culture. Her mom probably regrets saying this by now, and OP is dwelling in it. Not the end of the world, older people have fewer filters, some are better at not blurting out hurtful things, but majority are not. We are all going to be old, we are all going to say stupid stuff, accept it and shrug it off. Not WWII.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh good gosh! Your mom wanted a granddaughter. She is human, and your struggles are yours, this is exactly why older people can't put up with their adult kids. Stop the drama. How many times you hurt her feelings in all your years? I bet you a million. She can have any ideas in her head, how are you going to control her head? There comes a time when grown up children are supposed to mature and realize that their parents are older and not their ultimate cheer leader, they are just people like yourself.

strongly suspect you have not struggled with infertility.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh good gosh! Your mom wanted a granddaughter. She is human, and your struggles are yours, this is exactly why older people can't put up with their adult kids. Stop the drama. How many times you hurt her feelings in all your years? I bet you a million. She can have any ideas in her head, how are you going to control her head? There comes a time when grown up children are supposed to mature and realize that their parents are older and not their ultimate cheer leader, they are just people like yourself.

strongly suspect you have not struggled with infertility.

+1

I have. And it was dismissed by my family members as insignificant. Mostly because I kept it to myself. People have to make a big deal about anything today! My sister has no kids, and she also kept it to herself. It was my business, as it was my sister's business. There are some things that some people like to keep private. I suspect OP made a huge deal about a girl embryo and set up her mom for failure. If you want something bad to happen, you set up the stage for it. I kind of feel sorry for OP's mom being manipulated like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh good gosh! Your mom wanted a granddaughter. She is human, and your struggles are yours, this is exactly why older people can't put up with their adult kids. Stop the drama. How many times you hurt her feelings in all your years? I bet you a million. She can have any ideas in her head, how are you going to control her head? There comes a time when grown up children are supposed to mature and realize that their parents are older and not their ultimate cheer leader, they are just people like yourself.

strongly suspect you have not struggled with infertility.

+1

I have. And it was dismissed by my family members as insignificant. Mostly because I kept it to myself. People have to make a big deal about anything today! My sister has no kids, and she also kept it to herself. It was my business, as it was my sister's business. There are some things that some people like to keep private. I suspect OP made a huge deal about a girl embryo and set up her mom for failure. If you want something bad to happen, you set up the stage for it. I kind of feel sorry for OP's mom being manipulated like this.

Damn, PP. Who peed in your Cheerios this morning?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh good gosh! Your mom wanted a granddaughter. She is human, and your struggles are yours, this is exactly why older people can't put up with their adult kids. Stop the drama. How many times you hurt her feelings in all your years? I bet you a million. She can have any ideas in her head, how are you going to control her head? There comes a time when grown up children are supposed to mature and realize that their parents are older and not their ultimate cheer leader, they are just people like yourself.

strongly suspect you have not struggled with infertility.

+1

I have. And it was dismissed by my family members as insignificant. Mostly because I kept it to myself. People have to make a big deal about anything today! My sister has no kids, and she also kept it to herself. It was my business, as it was my sister's business. There are some things that some people like to keep private. I suspect OP made a huge deal about a girl embryo and set up her mom for failure. If you want something bad to happen, you set up the stage for it. I kind of feel sorry for OP's mom being manipulated like this.

Huh?

[Anonymous]

The problem isn’t with controlling what’s in grandma’s head; it’s with grandma not controlling what comes out of her mouth

this

[Anonymous]

PP again. Op, you are sharing WAY TOO MUCH info with your Mother. The fact that Mom knew -from you- re: embryos being male or female, etc was way too much information.

Op, you talk too much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh good gosh! Your mom wanted a granddaughter. She is human, and your struggles are yours, this is exactly why older people can't put up with their adult kids. Stop the drama. How many times you hurt her feelings in all your years? I bet you a million. She can have any ideas in her head, how are you going to control her head? There comes a time when grown up children are supposed to mature and realize that their parents are older and not their ultimate cheer leader, they are just people like yourself.

strongly suspect you have not struggled with infertility.

+1

I have. And it was dismissed by my family members as insignificant. Mostly because I kept it to myself. People have to make a big deal about anything today! My sister has no kids, and she also kept it to herself. It was my business, as it was my sister's business. There are some things that some people like to keep private. I suspect OP made a huge deal about a girl embryo and set up her mom for failure. If you want something bad to happen, you set up the stage for it. I kind of feel sorry for OP's mom being manipulated like this.

You’re strange.