How to address MIL and FIL

[Anonymous]

I love my inlaws but I could never call them mom and dad.
I just couldn't.

[Anonymous]

So many variations, all perfectly normal. Some regional, some cultural, some generational. Just ask. Either them directly, or your wife.

[Anonymous]

NP. Wow, I didn't realize there was such resistance to being called "Mom and Dad!" My parents, both white Americans-- though from VERY different backgrounds-- always called their ILs Mom and Dad. My husband is Asian and we call each other's parents Mom and Dad (or the equivalent) and it's totally natural for everyone. I guess I knew some white and other people called their ILs by their first names, but that would have been really tough for me to get used to.

[Anonymous]

In our family all parents are called Mom and Dad. That's what both sets of our parents did with their inlaws and it is what we do.

The inlaws were Mr. and Mrs. right up until after the wedding ceremony and then we both began calling our inlaws Mom and Dad. Both Moms cried. My Dad was beside himself with joy and kept slapping my husband on the back and shaking his hand saying 'Welcome to the family, son!' Of course Dad could just have been happy to offload me … but you can tell that he really, really does like being called Dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. Wow, I didn't realize there was such resistance to being called "Mom and Dad!" My parents, both white Americans-- though from VERY different backgrounds-- always called their ILs Mom and Dad. My husband is Asian and we call each other's parents Mom and Dad (or the equivalent) and it's totally natural for everyone. I guess I knew some white and other people called their ILs by their first names, but that would have been really tough for me to get used to.

It would be tough for me too. I actually don't know any white Americans who call their ILs by first names. Is it a class thing or regional? We're solidly MC/UMC from the Mid-West and New England. Everyone I know calls their ILs Mom and Dad.

[Anonymous]

Call them Joe and Sally, and let them tell you to call them Mom and Dad.

[Anonymous]

You could just ask them, no?

I would never call anyone mom and dad other than my actual mom and dad. Asking my in laws what they wanted to be called was more like, do you prefer your first name or Mr/Mrs X?

[Anonymous]

My MIL is constantly asking me to call her Mom. Ugh. It's just made it awkward and adversarial. I have a mom. I pretty much don't call her anything now. Funny thing is that I noticed she calls her inlaws by their first names!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. Wow, I didn't realize there was such resistance to being called "Mom and Dad!" My parents, both white Americans-- though from VERY different backgrounds-- always called their ILs Mom and Dad. My husband is Asian and we call each other's parents Mom and Dad (or the equivalent) and it's totally natural for everyone. I guess I knew some white and other people called their ILs by their first names, but that would have been really tough for me to get used to.

It would be tough for me too. I actually don't know any white Americans who call their ILs by first names. Is it a class thing or regional? We're solidly MC/UMC from the Mid-West and New England. Everyone I know calls their ILs Mom and Dad.

OP here. I did call both MIL and FIL this afternoon and asked them if they are ok with me calling them mom and dad. They are both perfectly fine with it. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I imagine they’d prefer mom and dad. Some people would be insulted by the use of their first names.

Huh? Yes use first names. That’s what my family does and what my parents did. No way would I call my in-laws Mom and Dad.

that may be generational. my parents as well as my ILs referred to their respective ILs as mom and dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only have one mother. I would never call anyone else by that name. I would call them Mr and Mrs X until they told you differently.

My future MIL asked me to call her by her first name. I told her I appreciated it, but if okay, I would call her Mrs. X for the foreseeable future. After we were engaged, I called her by her first name.

[Anonymous]

My father was a general. One of my SILs (four of them!) said "what should I call you?" My Mom said - "call me Jenny!" My father said - "call me Gen. Jones!" For years and years they would get letters that started "Dear Jennie and Gen J".

Whatever...

[Anonymous]

I was raised by white southerners and my parents called my grandparents mom/dad, but I’ve never been able to make the leap. 20 years and counting and I still call my in-laws by their first names. It feels disrespected to my actual mom/dad to do otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I imagine they’d prefer mom and dad. Some people would be insulted by the use of their first names.

Disagree. If they are white, first name is fine. It’s the norm. But surely you can ask your wife!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is constantly asking me to call her Mom. Ugh. It's just made it awkward and adversarial. I have a mom. I pretty much don't call her anything now. Funny thing is that I noticed she calls her inlaws by their first names!!!!

Yeah that’s a weird ask. It does make it awkward!