Would you leave your young teen home alone in this circumstance?

[Anonymous]

OP, I hope your husband's tests went OK!

Just wanted to say I'm the biggest free range, don't helicopter parent out there but I would not have left my daughter home alone with a situation like that right outside the door at that age. That's just an unpleasant situation to be around and barring an emergency I would not choose to have her have to sit through it and wait a day for her parents to come home.

I also think being home ALL DAY alone is too much for someone who is 13 unless it is an emergency situation, which this was not.

[Anonymous]

I would either see if there's another adult's home she could go to, hire and college aged sitter to come "hang out" and maybe they can go somewhere (mall, bowling, etc) or take her to the hospital. That's a really long time and a crazy situation. I have the most responsible daughter who just turned 14 and I wouldn't leave her in that situation, and I leave her a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's crazy not to let a 13 year old stay home because of this. So, what, the 13 year old can never stay home alone again? Maybe when she's 15? 17?

A few years back my BF was home with her daughter (she was little, 2 or 3 years old at the time). Her neighbors had a very volatile relationship and they had loud nasty arguments and often police would be called. This particular time, they were going at it, and my friend heard shots, a bunch of them. He killed her. I would not leave my daughter alone knowing this guy has locked his GF out of the house in her undies before. He is obviously a loose cannon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's crazy not to let a 13 year old stay home because of this. So, what, the 13 year old can never stay home alone again? Maybe when she's 15? 17?

And the parent of the year award goes to...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hope your husband's tests went OK!

Just wanted to say I'm the biggest free range, don't helicopter parent out there but I would not have left my daughter home alone with a situation like that right outside the door at that age. That's just an unpleasant situation to be around and barring an emergency I would not choose to have her have to sit through it and wait a day for her parents to come home.

I also think being home ALL DAY alone is too much for someone who is 13 unless it is an emergency situation, which this was not.

This. You never know when or if things could escalate into a dangerous situation. If you've ever had a barricade w/hostage situation on your street you would know how scary that is. The cops come, block off the street and won't let anyone out and about return home. Yes, that sort of thing is thankfully pretty rare but with all of the arguing that this couple is having who knows how bad things coud get?

I would bring my 13 year old along to the hospital, find her a comfy spot to read a book and take her out to lunch while Dad is having his tests done. I would want to stay close to the hospital in order to be there for my husband. I wouldn't feel comfortable dropping him off and leaving him there for hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the problem. You’re worried she’ll hear the neighbors’ argument? Or somehow be drawn into it? That the neighbors will come to your house?

Probably the fear is that someone who would lock a person out in their underwear for refusing sex is a person who might escalate that abuse into violence.

This.

I would also take my teen along to the hospital this one time.

[Anonymous]

Middle school teacher here. OP, you haven't come back to say what you did but I hope you took your daughter with you. Your instincts are spot on. The fact that you were even wondering if you should have her out of the house is an indication that she should not be alone with the volatile situation next door. Always trust your gut and ignore anyone who tries to claim you shouldn't. I hope your husband is okay and that your daughter had a good day either way.

[Anonymous]

You should have called the Police, You can do it anonymously.
Not sure how close their house is to your house but I think you said across the courtyard so not literally right next door where you share a house wall with them.
I would have left my 13yo home unless she wanted to come with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems overreaching with regard to helicopter parenting if you ask me and I am not a fan at all of trying to shield kids from seeing/hearing anything unpleasant until they're freaking 30 years old, but hey it's your teen and you know her best so do whatever you think is best.

+1 and I am definitely a helicopter, myself.

I'd talk to the kid about my concerns and tell them to check in during the day once or twice.

I'm also not a big fan of hanging at the hospital during a procedure. You can leave and return.

I spent way too much time as a young kid in the waiting room of a hospital It is extremely stressful watching people go through the worst days of their lives. If you are worried your child will see or hear something unpleasant, I would recommend home over the waiting room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worked with middle schoolers and the oldest were 14. There is no way I would trust them in that situation. Their brains do not work the way ours do. I would be okay with an older teen staying home in that situation, but not a younger one who is 13. Nope. Stupid risk to take. DV is extremely unpredictable and can lead quickly to shootings. My teen does not need to be home alone for that and dealing with the police when they come around afterward. These are traumatic events. I can't believe people are so blase about it.

Exactly, and I don't know, or need to know, the nature of the tests but it sounds like you have enough going on right now and your concern is valid. No reason to pile more worry on yourself.

I think people can be blase when they haven't seen or lived through domestic violence episodes. Shit gets crazy and out of control, really quick.

Nothing will probably happen but if you have the day off, take your daughter and then go out to a special lunch or sightseeing or shopping during the long wait between appointments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get it - your neighbors are yelling at each other so you are afraid that a 13 year old might hear them? Huh?

I assume she is afraid of it escalating. Or her daughter being afraid. This woukd freak my kid out.

Why not give your kid a phone? She can call you. You can call her, it’s great!