Attending a Catholic church as a guest

[Anonymous]

The suggestion that the Roman Church or any parish thereof has a binding "policy" mandating that non-Catholics traipse about at communion and ask for a "kiddie-blessing" for no reason other than to have people uniformly traipsing about is just silly. There is not any such official policy. And if some misguided cleric nonetheless should insist? What are they going to do? Send goons with shock-sticks to encourage the recalcitrant?

The Roman Eucharist is (with specific exemptions not relevant here) not open to non-Catholics. The Protestant "Lord's Table" may be open to all; that is up to the Protestants. Catholics are not permitted communion in Protestant churches, according to Catholic practice.

Moreover, Catholics do not "take" communion. They "receive" it. It is a gift, but only for members of the Roman Church. The inability of some clerics to communicate this is appalling. The whole "row by row, everybody go" communion "procession" is not required; it arose after Vatican II and causes well-meaning non-Catholics to feel pressured. That is an abuse. Just as we make non-family members feel welcome in our homes, Catholics can and do make non-Catholics feel welcome in church. But feeling welcome and being a family member are two different things.

A non-Catholic at a Catholic Mass should remain seated at Communion. There is no obligation to get up and wander about to "fit in." And, honestly, nobody will notice or care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The suggestion that the Roman Church or any parish thereof has a binding "policy" mandating that non-Catholics traipse about at communion and ask for a "kiddie-blessing" for no reason other than to have people uniformly traipsing about is just silly. There is not any such official policy. And if some misguided cleric nonetheless should insist? What are they going to do? Send goons with shock-sticks to encourage the recalcitrant?

The Roman Eucharist is (with specific exemptions not relevant here) not open to non-Catholics. The Protestant "Lord's Table" may be open to all; that is up to the Protestants. Catholics are not permitted communion in Protestant churches, according to Catholic practice.

Moreover, Catholics do not "take" communion. They "receive" it. It is a gift, but only for members of the Roman Church. The inability of some clerics to communicate this is appalling. The whole "row by row, everybody go" communion "procession" is not required; it arose after Vatican II and causes well-meaning non-Catholics to feel pressured. That is an abuse. Just as we make non-family members feel welcome in our homes, Catholics can and do make non-Catholics feel welcome in church. But feeling welcome and being a family member are two different things.

A non-Catholic at a Catholic Mass should remain seated at Communion. There is no obligation to get up and wander about to "fit in." And, honestly, nobody will notice or care.

It's hard not to notice when most everyone is doing something and a few people aren't. You wonder, for instance, are they Catholic? If so, are they rebelling against the church or their family? have they sinned? Not been to confession lately and not been forgiven of their sins?

I wouldn't be at all surprised that some Catholics who were not in a state of grace have gone to communion just to keep people from wondering about them. That, of course is a sin in itself -- taking communion when not in a state of grace, i.e., not having confessed and been forgiven of one's sins

[Anonymous]

This reminds me of when I (a Protestant) went to Christmas mass with my Catholic in-laws. My FIL, who is very intellectual, reads tons of theology, and we suspect has quietly rejected quite a few Catholic teachings, kept whispering "go have communion! Who cares about church rules, it's what Jesus would say!" I think i went for the blessing just because he clearly wasn't going to let me stay in the pew...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The suggestion that the Roman Church or any parish thereof has a binding "policy" mandating that non-Catholics traipse about at communion and ask for a "kiddie-blessing" for no reason other than to have people uniformly traipsing about is just silly. There is not any such official policy. And if some misguided cleric nonetheless should insist? What are they going to do? Send goons with shock-sticks to encourage the recalcitrant?

The Roman Eucharist is (with specific exemptions not relevant here) not open to non-Catholics. The Protestant "Lord's Table" may be open to all; that is up to the Protestants. Catholics are not permitted communion in Protestant churches, according to Catholic practice.

Moreover, Catholics do not "take" communion. They "receive" it. It is a gift, but only for members of the Roman Church. The inability of some clerics to communicate this is appalling. The whole "row by row, everybody go" communion "procession" is not required; it arose after Vatican II and causes well-meaning non-Catholics to feel pressured. That is an abuse. Just as we make non-family members feel welcome in our homes, Catholics can and do make non-Catholics feel welcome in church. But feeling welcome and being a family member are two different things.

A non-Catholic at a Catholic Mass should remain seated at Communion. There is no obligation to get up and wander about to "fit in." And, honestly, nobody will notice or care.

It's hard not to notice when most everyone is doing something and a few people aren't. You wonder, for instance, are they Catholic? If so, are they rebelling against the church or their family? have they sinned? Not been to confession lately and not been forgiven of their sins?

I wouldn't be at all surprised that some Catholics who were not in a state of grace have gone to communion just to keep people from wondering about them. That, of course is a sin in itself -- taking communion when not in a state of grace, i.e., not having confessed and been forgiven of one's sins

This first post is an excellent piece. Thank you for stating it so articulately (and factually).

The response is a mess. No one is thinking any of the things that you are projecting. For one, I've been in hundreds of Catholic churches, and I have NEVER seen EVERYONE go up for communion or a blessing. Lots of non-Catholics attend Mass with their families and many don't receive communion for their own reasons. It's really not a big deal to remain in the pew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the preist doesn't know who you are, and you "act" Catholic (know what to do at the altar), he will likely serve you communion.

Why would a non-Catholic want to receive the Eucharist?

That's not what the OP was talking about anyway. She somehow misunderstood an invitation to come up for a blessing as a requirement to do so (although she still hasn't said how she came to that conclusion).

Lol, well we mostly avoided somewhat snotty responses.

Op here. Ds passed this on to me. When questioned further, he stated that the school Chaplain claims it is a "requirement of that parish." He's pretty pushy though. It isn't unusual for him to use "church policy" as his own preference. His claim for this is that the only way you don't go up is if the entire row stays seated.

Ds was told this morning that those who choose not to participate simply won't. One is of another faith and will have nothing to do with being blessed by a Catholic priest.

Thanks for the answers. I believe I said earlier that my confusion came in because I've been to other ceremonies/services and participation has never been required.

Graduation isn't being held at the school's home parish so I thought I would ask. We are now done with high school, so it won't be an issue again.

If your kid attends a high school associated that has a "home parish", they aren't in the Archdiocese of Washington, and things can vary between diocese. But, I'd be hesitant to believe a teenager's word, especially if he's been wrong in the past.

There are schools that expect every student to go to up (ours doesn't). If DS isn't Catholic, and his experience of Mass is usually at school mass, he may see it as unusual not to go up, and just want you to blend in. However, at an event like a baccalaureate, or wedding, or funeral there will be plenty of people not going up, because Catholic people have friends who aren't Catholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The suggestion that the Roman Church or any parish thereof has a binding "policy" mandating that non-Catholics traipse about at communion and ask for a "kiddie-blessing" for no reason other than to have people uniformly traipsing about is just silly. There is not any such official policy. And if some misguided cleric nonetheless should insist? What are they going to do? Send goons with shock-sticks to encourage the recalcitrant?

The Roman Eucharist is (with specific exemptions not relevant here) not open to non-Catholics. The Protestant "Lord's Table" may be open to all; that is up to the Protestants. Catholics are not permitted communion in Protestant churches, according to Catholic practice.

Moreover, Catholics do not "take" communion. They "receive" it. It is a gift, but only for members of the Roman Church. The inability of some clerics to communicate this is appalling. The whole "row by row, everybody go" communion "procession" is not required; it arose after Vatican II and causes well-meaning non-Catholics to feel pressured. That is an abuse. Just as we make non-family members feel welcome in our homes, Catholics can and do make non-Catholics feel welcome in church. But feeling welcome and being a family member are two different things.

A non-Catholic at a Catholic Mass should remain seated at Communion. There is no obligation to get up and wander about to "fit in." And, honestly, nobody will notice or care.

It's hard not to notice when most everyone is doing something and a few people aren't. You wonder, for instance, are they Catholic? If so, are they rebelling against the church or their family? have they sinned? Not been to confession lately and not been forgiven of their sins?

I wouldn't be at all surprised that some Catholics who were not in a state of grace have gone to communion just to keep people from wondering about them. That, of course is a sin in itself -- taking communion when not in a state of grace, i.e., not having confessed and been forgiven of one's sins

Op here. Being nosy is your problem. This particular mass is part of a high school graduation. Not all of the guests will be Catholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the preist doesn't know who you are, and you "act" Catholic (know what to do at the altar), he will likely serve you communion.

Why would a non-Catholic want to receive the Eucharist?

Maybe because the body of Christ is for all Christians, not just the Catholic ones.

Maybe because everyone is doing it and it doens't seem like a big deal - not realizing that Catholics believe it is the actual body of CHrist.

I'm an agnostic/atheist raised UU from a WASP background. This was a huge internal issue with me when my longterm partner's mother died and had a Catholic funeral. He is an atheist now, but from an observant family. I wanted to do whatever it was that would not rock the boat at a tragic funeral. I felt in between a rock and a hard place with what was most respectful; recusing myself and standing out as an already outsider, or being disrepectful to the faith and receiving communion. I made a last minute decision to not be the ONLY person in the church hanging back and took communion. I fretted and practiced beforehand in case it felt like the right thing to do. It was fine and funerals are for the living. I think it was well-received I didn't pick a funeral as the place to "take a stand."

I think you missed the point. Only Catholics in good standing can take communion at a Catholic funeral mass. I'm Episcopalian and my catholic MIL and friends would have been appalled if I had gone up to take communion. It's not proper and it's disrespectful to Catholics.

That was my point. I thought it was disrespectful, but everyone was SO relieved I bit my tongue and just went along with everyone and took communion instead of hanging back. I grew up with Catholics like this too, where I would have a sleepover with a friend, attend mass, and receive communion as a kid, so this does not seem to be a universal thing for more laid back Catholics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an agnostic/atheist raised UU from a WASP background. This was a huge internal issue with me when my longterm partner's mother died and had a Catholic funeral. He is an atheist now, but from an observant family. I wanted to do whatever it was that would not rock the boat at a tragic funeral. I felt in between a rock and a hard place with what was most respectful; recusing myself and standing out as an already outsider, or being disrepectful to the faith and receiving communion. I made a last minute decision to not be the ONLY person in the church hanging back and took communion. I fretted and practiced beforehand in case it felt like the right thing to do. It was fine and funerals are for the living. I think it was well-received I didn't pick a funeral as the place to "take a stand."

I think you missed the point. Only Catholics in good standing can take communion at a Catholic funeral mass. I'm Episcopalian and my catholic MIL and friends would have been appalled if I had gone up to take communion. It's not proper and it's disrespectful to Catholics.

That was my point. I thought it was disrespectful, but everyone was SO relieved I bit my tongue and just went along with everyone and took communion instead of hanging back. I grew up with Catholics like this too, where I would have a sleepover with a friend, attend mass, and receive communion as a kid, so this does not seem to be a universal thing for more laid back Catholics.

Please stop doing this. It isn't okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an agnostic/atheist raised UU from a WASP background. This was a huge internal issue with me when my longterm partner's mother died and had a Catholic funeral. He is an atheist now, but from an observant family. I wanted to do whatever it was that would not rock the boat at a tragic funeral. I felt in between a rock and a hard place with what was most respectful; recusing myself and standing out as an already outsider, or being disrepectful to the faith and receiving communion. I made a last minute decision to not be the ONLY person in the church hanging back and took communion. I fretted and practiced beforehand in case it felt like the right thing to do. It was fine and funerals are for the living. I think it was well-received I didn't pick a funeral as the place to "take a stand."

I think you missed the point. Only Catholics in good standing can take communion at a Catholic funeral mass. I'm Episcopalian and my catholic MIL and friends would have been appalled if I had gone up to take communion. It's not proper and it's disrespectful to Catholics.

That was my point. I thought it was disrespectful, but everyone was SO relieved I bit my tongue and just went along with everyone and took communion instead of hanging back. I grew up with Catholics like this too, where I would have a sleepover with a friend, attend mass, and receive communion as a kid, so this does not seem to be a universal thing for more laid back Catholics.

Please stop doing this. It isn't okay.

In your opinion and according to the tenets of the Catholic church. But it is "OK" with a lot of practicing Catholics who don't follow lots of other church rules - like birth control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In your opinion and according to the tenets of the Catholic church. But it is "OK" with a lot of practicing Catholics who don't follow lots of other church rules - like birth control.

I don't know ANY practicing Catholics who would encourage a non-Catholic to "just go ahead" and receive the Eucharist in a Catholic church. It is definitely not okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In your opinion and according to the tenets of the Catholic church. But it is "OK" with a lot of practicing Catholics who don't follow lots of other church rules - like birth control.

I don't know ANY practicing Catholics who would encourage a non-Catholic to "just go ahead" and receive the Eucharist in a Catholic church. It is definitely not okay.

Right -- so strange. It's a sacrament. A really big and holy deal. I'm trying to imagine taking your first communion without it being a "First Communion."

[Anonymous]

Why would someone take part in a sacrament that doesn't apply to them? How disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

In your opinion and according to the tenets of the Catholic church. But it is "OK" with a lot of practicing Catholics who don't follow lots of other church rules - like birth control.

Relativism aside, it is not an "opinion," but rather a matter of unambiguous church discipline (law). And while a given individual's observance or non-observance of church teachings may be between them and God, it is scandalous for them to encourage others to approach sacrament s for which they are neither properly prepared nor suitably disposed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the preist doesn't know who you are, and you "act" Catholic (know what to do at the altar), he will likely serve you communion.

Why would a non-Catholic want to receive the Eucharist?

Maybe because the body of Christ is for all Christians, not just the Catholic ones.

Maybe because everyone is doing it and it doens't seem like a big deal - not realizing that Catholics believe it is the actual body of CHrist.

I'm an agnostic/atheist raised UU from a WASP background. This was a huge internal issue with me when my longterm partner's mother died and had a Catholic funeral. He is an atheist now, but from an observant family. I wanted to do whatever it was that would not rock the boat at a tragic funeral. I felt in between a rock and a hard place with what was most respectful; recusing myself and standing out as an already outsider, or being disrepectful to the faith and receiving communion. I made a last minute decision to not be the ONLY person in the church hanging back and took communion. I fretted and practiced beforehand in case it felt like the right thing to do. It was fine and funerals are for the living. I think it was well-received I didn't pick a funeral as the place to "take a stand."

I think you missed the point. Only Catholics in good standing can take communion at a Catholic funeral mass. I'm Episcopalian and my catholic MIL and friends would have been appalled if I had gone up to take communion. It's not proper and it's disrespectful to Catholics.

That was my point. I thought it was disrespectful, but everyone was SO relieved I bit my tongue and just went along with everyone and took communion instead of hanging back. I grew up with Catholics like this too, where I would have a sleepover with a friend, attend mass, and receive communion as a kid, so this does not seem to be a universal thing for more laid back Catholics.

They weren’t relievedthat you received Communion. They were relieved that you bit your tongue. Not at all the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the preist doesn't know who you are, and you "act" Catholic (know what to do at the altar), he will likely serve you communion.

Why would a non-Catholic want to receive the Eucharist?

Maybe because the body of Christ is for all Christians, not just the Catholic ones.

Maybe because everyone is doing it and it doens't seem like a big deal - not realizing that Catholics believe it is the actual body of CHrist.

I'm an agnostic/atheist raised UU from a WASP background. This was a huge internal issue with me when my longterm partner's mother died and had a Catholic funeral. He is an atheist now, but from an observant family. I wanted to do whatever it was that would not rock the boat at a tragic funeral. I felt in between a rock and a hard place with what was most respectful; recusing myself and standing out as an already outsider, or being disrepectful to the faith and receiving communion. I made a last minute decision to not be the ONLY person in the church hanging back and took communion. I fretted and practiced beforehand in case it felt like the right thing to do. It was fine and funerals are for the living. I think it was well-received I didn't pick a funeral as the place to "take a stand."

I think you missed the point. Only Catholics in good standing can take communion at a Catholic funeral mass. I'm Episcopalian and my catholic MIL and friends would have been appalled if I had gone up to take communion. It's not proper and it's disrespectful to Catholics.

That was my point. I thought it was disrespectful, but everyone was SO relieved I bit my tongue and just went along with everyone and took communion instead of hanging back. I grew up with Catholics like this too, where I would have a sleepover with a friend, attend mass, and receive communion as a kid, so this does not seem to be a universal thing for more laid back Catholics.

They weren’t relievedthat you received Communion. They were relieved that you bit your tongue. Not at all the same.

How do you know?