Sometimes I feel like people are competing about being busy

[Anonymous]

I don't feel like I'm competing to be busy, but competing to make sure my child isn't left behind while all the other children succeed at an extracurricular. In addition, I want my child to have something to focus on besides school work in high school to keep them busy and out of trouble. Plus, extracurriculars do provide skills that are nice have, some which are better started when the child is young.

Anyway, I have 3 kids and they are just now getting old enough that I worry about how we are going to handle the schedule. To the posters with preschool children, don't kill yourself now, enjoy the family time, it only gets busier in terms of extracurriculars as the kid's get older.

[Anonymous]

We are busy, but only b/c it is a cumulative effect of having 4 kids doing various things; not 1 particular kid is overscheduled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't feel like I'm competing to be busy, but competing to make sure my child isn't left behind while all the other children succeed at an extracurricular. In addition, I want my child to have something to focus on besides school work in high school to keep them busy and out of trouble. Plus, extracurriculars do provide skills that are nice have, some which are better started when the child is young.

Anyway, I have 3 kids and they are just now getting old enough that I worry about how we are going to handle the schedule. To the posters with preschool children, don't kill yourself now, enjoy the family time, it only gets busier in terms of extracurriculars as the kid's get older.

So... you’re worried that other kids can play the harmonica and yours can’t? Or that they’re unlikely to be able to access a rare harmonica scholarship or similar grant to a prestigious post secondary institution?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, OP, it seems ironic to me that this thread has exactly proven your point about being competitively busy. Of course, the lesson that seems to be repetitive is that your child must be busy doing formal activities, which then allows for them to not participate in any social activities like parties and sleepovers.


As long as they have an instrument, a sport, and tutoring, then you aren’t required to ensure they also have a childhood or friends.

I don't think you realize how social those activities like sport and orchestra and dance are, in and of themselves. And many parents don't do sleepovers for other reasons besides activities.

Well, they are social, but not in the way a play date, sleep over, or birthday party are. Do you find work team building events as social as a dinner party in your own home?

And yes, I do understand how social activities *can* be, but they’re not when you’re rushing your kids from one to the other. They’re not when they have absolutely no down time for your children to explore relationships outside of practice or events.

Your post just illustrates the obvious: parents believe “busy” is better. There’s no room for just making friends on the playground, or hanging out in the basement. It’s the reason so many people feel such a loss of social connection, why there is no such thing as “community” anymore (other than ethnicities that promote it), why more and more adults and young people feel socially isolated.

Without being dramatic, people don’t need therapy or worse later in life because they never learned to play the oboe. They do it because they are having trouble forming meaningful relationships with withering family, or feel isolated.

Never said busy is better, and when I said in an earlier post that we dropped play dates, I specifically mentioned neighborhood play and Sunday school as other opportunities my kids have for friendships and play. Each of my children have unstructured free time but we don’t nail down particular dates and times with friends which is hard to manage given our calendar. They grab their bikes, head outside and see which kids are available to play with that day.

[Anonymous]

I commented above already and I have 3 kids too so I know it’s busy.
That said I do think free play is important so I do try to make sure they get that too. I do try to follow their lead and allow them to cut back if something is too much / they want more free time.
More often than play dates they play with neighborhood kids. Impromptu is easier than arranging in advance most of the time for us.

I’m sure there’s some kind of medium like most things. I don’t necessarily see kids in fewer activities and think they’re doing better than my kids. Likewise I don’t see kids in more activities and necessarily think they’re doing better than my kids. I think it’s about finding a medium and figuring out what works for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't feel like I'm competing to be busy, but competing to make sure my child isn't left behind while all the other children succeed at an extracurricular. In addition, I want my child to have something to focus on besides school work in high school to keep them busy and out of trouble. Plus, extracurriculars do provide skills that are nice have, some which are better started when the child is young.

Anyway, I have 3 kids and they are just now getting old enough that I worry about how we are going to handle the schedule. To the posters with preschool children, don't kill yourself now, enjoy the family time, it only gets busier in terms of extracurriculars as the kid's get older.

So... you’re worried that other kids can play the harmonica and yours can’t? Or that they’re unlikely to be able to access a rare harmonica scholarship or similar grant to a prestigious post secondary institution?

Something like that to the first question, not really on the second. I want to give my child an opportunity to be the best they want to be at something they find interesting.