Pickiest Tween (foodwise)

[Anonymous]

It’s one thing to take a firm stand and not cater to pickiness.

BUT, you have a child who’s growth seems to be impaired by not eating enough, so I think you’re well beyond the advice to not give into pickiness.

You need to figure out what is going on—is it some kind of eating disorder or food aversion? Go to a doctor and figure it out. Beyond that, I’m not sure why you wouldn’t cater to her preferences at this point. Why can’t you give her some beans or chicken or lentils or Oreo yogurt or more vegetables? If she will consistently eat that, give it to her. Are you winning some parenting prize by remaining firm and watching her starve bc she won’t eat the ribs you put in front of her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s one thing to take a firm stand and not cater to pickiness.

BUT, you have a child who’s growth seems to be impaired by not eating enough, so I think you’re well beyond the advice to not give into pickiness.

You need to figure out what is going on—is it some kind of eating disorder or food aversion? Go to a doctor and figure it out. Beyond that, I’m not sure why you wouldn’t cater to her preferences at this point. Why can’t you give her some beans or chicken or lentils or Oreo yogurt or more vegetables? If she will consistently eat that, give it to her. Are you winning some parenting prize by remaining firm and watching her starve bc she won’t eat the ribs you put in front of her?

What is the evidence of this? OP says her child is 15th percentile, but doesn't make clear if that is height, weight, both? 15th percentile in anything is not by itself considered any kind of a red flag--there is a lot more info one needs to know to to put this in context. Is this a recent development or has weight stopped progressing or dropped in the past year or so? What is the child's height? Has the child been growing steadily in height? It doesn't really matter what the kid was at 3, nor does it matter really what her siblings look like. OP also doesn't say whether a medical professional is concerned about this child's growth. Maybe OP can provide more details.

OP also seems to be concerned about protein, but then lists several high protein foods that her child eats happily (chicken, milk, yogurt, beans), and also says she likes veggies! Many people would be thrilled with a kid who eats like this. So it's not really clear to me what the problem is here, other than this child doesn't eat as wide a variety of foods and isn't as adventurous an eater as her siblings. Again, this might be annoying, but it's not a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one thing to take a firm stand and not cater to pickiness.

BUT, you have a child who’s growth seems to be impaired by not eating enough, so I think you’re well beyond the advice to not give into pickiness.

You need to figure out what is going on—is it some kind of eating disorder or food aversion? Go to a doctor and figure it out. Beyond that, I’m not sure why you wouldn’t cater to her preferences at this point. Why can’t you give her some beans or chicken or lentils or Oreo yogurt or more vegetables? If she will consistently eat that, give it to her. Are you winning some parenting prize by remaining firm and watching her starve bc she won’t eat the ribs you put in front of her?

What is the evidence of this? OP says her child is 15th percentile, but doesn't make clear if that is height, weight, both? 15th percentile in anything is not by itself considered any kind of a red flag--there is a lot more info one needs to know to to put this in context. Is this a recent development or has weight stopped progressing or dropped in the past year or so? What is the child's height? Has the child been growing steadily in height? It doesn't really matter what the kid was at 3, nor does it matter really what her siblings look like. OP also doesn't say whether a medical professional is concerned about this child's growth. Maybe OP can provide more details.

OP also seems to be concerned about protein, but then lists several high protein foods that her child eats happily (chicken, milk, yogurt, beans), and also says she likes veggies! Many people would be thrilled with a kid who eats like this. So it's not really clear to me what the problem is here, other than this child doesn't eat as wide a variety of foods and isn't as adventurous an eater as her siblings. Again, this might be annoying, but it's not a problem.

The evidence is that the OP who is the mother of this child who would know all the circumstances you lay out above thinks it is so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one thing to take a firm stand and not cater to pickiness.

BUT, you have a child who’s growth seems to be impaired by not eating enough, so I think you’re well beyond the advice to not give into pickiness.

You need to figure out what is going on—is it some kind of eating disorder or food aversion? Go to a doctor and figure it out. Beyond that, I’m not sure why you wouldn’t cater to her preferences at this point. Why can’t you give her some beans or chicken or lentils or Oreo yogurt or more vegetables? If she will consistently eat that, give it to her. Are you winning some parenting prize by remaining firm and watching her starve bc she won’t eat the ribs you put in front of her?

What is the evidence of this? OP says her child is 15th percentile, but doesn't make clear if that is height, weight, both? 15th percentile in anything is not by itself considered any kind of a red flag--there is a lot more info one needs to know to to put this in context. Is this a recent development or has weight stopped progressing or dropped in the past year or so? What is the child's height? Has the child been growing steadily in height? It doesn't really matter what the kid was at 3, nor does it matter really what her siblings look like. OP also doesn't say whether a medical professional is concerned about this child's growth. Maybe OP can provide more details.

OP also seems to be concerned about protein, but then lists several high protein foods that her child eats happily (chicken, milk, yogurt, beans), and also says she likes veggies! Many people would be thrilled with a kid who eats like this. So it's not really clear to me what the problem is here, other than this child doesn't eat as wide a variety of foods and isn't as adventurous an eater as her siblings. Again, this might be annoying, but it's not a problem.

The evidence is that the OP who is the mother of this child who would know all the circumstances you lay out above thinks it is so.

THIS she said she has dropped to 15% and meanwhile OP is not giving her leftover chicken that she will eat on days OP makes pork ribs. OP, what you are cooking is fine, just cook MORE on the nights you cook the things she likes. Buy the oreo yogurt. My ds is a teen and has LOST weight recently. When we are having he doesn't particularly like for dinner, I will buy a tray of lasagna from trader joe's for him. If he gets up at 10 pm to eat some of it, that is fine. If he gets up and eats ice cream in the middle of the night, that is fine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am your daughter OP. I ate pasta with homemade sauce, American cheese/parmesan and drank a ton of milk, lived on chocolate cream filled cookies, cereal and occasional fruit. I was the kid that hated pizza, ice cream and meat grossed me out. I did eat eggs if my father made them. Late bloomer and looked like I was 12 freshman year of high school. Bloomed by early junior year. I've never had a weight issue, eat what I want including some meat but not often, eat more vegetables and fruit than my younger days. Not a sedentary kid or adult. I have a great body with little effort, even after pregnancy. I was always hassled for being thin. If your dd is healthy, doesnt have growth hormone, GI issues or food allergies and her height is in normal range, don't worry!

Roast a whole organic chicken on Sundays. She can eat different types of meals with it most of the week. Get a small "girl friendly" rice cooker. There's a great one on urban outfitters, believe it or not. Makes perfect single serving rice. She's old enough to prepare what she likes!

I ate the same way except I love pizza and ice cream, lol. I never ate fruit and a pretty limited amount of veggies (but I could eat a LOT of the veggies I do like). I actually think her diet is fine. I ate way more pasta than she seems to and my mom rotated the same several meals she knew I liked. My brother had a more adventurous palate so she would make him something different on nights I had an activity or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one thing to take a firm stand and not cater to pickiness.

BUT, you have a child who’s growth seems to be impaired by not eating enough, so I think you’re well beyond the advice to not give into pickiness.

You need to figure out what is going on—is it some kind of eating disorder or food aversion? Go to a doctor and figure it out. Beyond that, I’m not sure why you wouldn’t cater to her preferences at this point. Why can’t you give her some beans or chicken or lentils or Oreo yogurt or more vegetables? If she will consistently eat that, give it to her. Are you winning some parenting prize by remaining firm and watching her starve bc she won’t eat the ribs you put in front of her?

What is the evidence of this? OP says her child is 15th percentile, but doesn't make clear if that is height, weight, both? 15th percentile in anything is not by itself considered any kind of a red flag--there is a lot more info one needs to know to to put this in context. Is this a recent development or has weight stopped progressing or dropped in the past year or so? What is the child's height? Has the child been growing steadily in height? It doesn't really matter what the kid was at 3, nor does it matter really what her siblings look like. OP also doesn't say whether a medical professional is concerned about this child's growth. Maybe OP can provide more details.

OP also seems to be concerned about protein, but then lists several high protein foods that her child eats happily (chicken, milk, yogurt, beans), and also says she likes veggies! Many people would be thrilled with a kid who eats like this. So it's not really clear to me what the problem is here, other than this child doesn't eat as wide a variety of foods and isn't as adventurous an eater as her siblings. Again, this might be annoying, but it's not a problem.

The evidence is that the OP who is the mother of this child who would know all the circumstances you lay out above thinks it is so.

THIS she said she has dropped to 15% and meanwhile OP is not giving her leftover chicken that she will eat on days OP makes pork ribs. OP, what you are cooking is fine, just cook MORE on the nights you cook the things she likes. Buy the oreo yogurt. My ds is a teen and has LOST weight recently. When we are having he doesn't particularly like for dinner, I will buy a tray of lasagna from trader joe's for him. If he gets up at 10 pm to eat some of it, that is fine. If he gets up and eats ice cream in the middle of the night, that is fine!

What she said is:

My 12 year old DD is in the 15% and I know it has to be in part due to her diet and lack of protein. She was 90% until she turned 3 or so and started getting pickier and pickier.

According to this, she's dropped to 15% OVER NINE YEARS. Nothing in OP's post suggests this is a recent development. Perhaps it is, but we don't know.

[Anonymous]

This is a proof that our society is obsessed with eating a ton of food. By all means OP's dd is not malnourished, no kids is in 15 percentile(and I know a little something about FTT kids) and yet the expectation that kids that are 12 should eat portions that obese people in wheelchairs should eat prevail even in this skinny obsessed forum. We are meant to live of 1/10 of food we eat, in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a proof that our society is obsessed with eating a ton of food. By all means OP's dd is not malnourished, no kids is in 15 percentile(and I know a little something about FTT kids) and yet the expectation that kids that are 12 should eat portions that obese people in wheelchairs should eat prevail even in this skinny obsessed forum. We are meant to live of 1/10 of food we eat, in general.

So, on the contrary, I think posts like yours show evidence that there are many middle aged women who are secretly starving themselves and hiding behind stupid excuses about how society wants everyone to be morbidly obese. You are so defensive about a girl you don’t know—this girl might possibly have a food aversion or disorder—you have no clue, but, you are quick to jump in with an over the top defense of not eating. Just stop, it’s gross.

And of course most kids in the 15th percentile are fine, but, the child was 90th percentile and her siblings are 90th percentile and her mother is concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a proof that our society is obsessed with eating a ton of food. By all means OP's dd is not malnourished, no kids is in 15 percentile(and I know a little something about FTT kids) and yet the expectation that kids that are 12 should eat portions that obese people in wheelchairs should eat prevail even in this skinny obsessed forum. We are meant to live of 1/10 of food we eat, in general.

So, on the contrary, I think posts like yours show evidence that there are many middle aged women who are secretly starving themselves and hiding behind stupid excuses about how society wants everyone to be morbidly obese. You are so defensive about a girl you don’t know—this girl might possibly have a food aversion or disorder—you have no clue, but, you are quick to jump in with an over the top defense of not eating. Just stop, it’s gross.

And of course most kids in the 15th percentile are fine, but, the child was 90th percentile and her siblings are 90th percentile and her mother is concerned.

I am the one to jump? You are clueless. I am a mother to two FTT kids, who ate literary nothing compared to OP's child at the same age and from birth for DD. Who were treated by professionals and in hospitals. DD since birth. And DS was below 1%, not 15, same story, dropped around 3. This is normal pattern for many kids, I was told by professionals. My kids got the help and grew, but they certainly survived on almost nothing. Nobody would bat an eye at 15%. Over 9 years?! Some babies are chubby and then they are not. If you truly read OP's post, or if you are OP, you are comparing her to your other kids who eat a lot more. Compare her to other kids, and she might look like she eats a lot. I am the parent that would feed her kid a chocolate and be happy if they ate it. I am exactly the opposite from what you surmised when it comes to feeding kids. You know nothing about me, and I know a lot about FTT kids and just what that looks like. And this is not it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a proof that our society is obsessed with eating a ton of food. By all means OP's dd is not malnourished, no kids is in 15 percentile(and I know a little something about FTT kids) and yet the expectation that kids that are 12 should eat portions that obese people in wheelchairs should eat prevail even in this skinny obsessed forum. We are meant to live of 1/10 of food we eat, in general.

So, on the contrary, I think posts like yours show evidence that there are many middle aged women who are secretly starving themselves and hiding behind stupid excuses about how society wants everyone to be morbidly obese. You are so defensive about a girl you don’t know—this girl might possibly have a food aversion or disorder—you have no clue, but, you are quick to jump in with an over the top defense of not eating. Just stop, it’s gross.

And of course most kids in the 15th percentile are fine, but, the child was 90th percentile and her siblings are 90th percentile and her mother is concerned.

I am the one to jump? You are clueless. I am a mother to two FTT kids, who ate literary nothing compared to OP's child at the same age and from birth for DD. Who were treated by professionals and in hospitals. DD since birth. And DS was below 1%, not 15, same story, dropped around 3. This is normal pattern for many kids, I was told by professionals. My kids got the help and grew, but they certainly survived on almost nothing. Nobody would bat an eye at 15%. Over 9 years?! Some babies are chubby and then they are not. If you truly read OP's post, or if you are OP, you are comparing her to your other kids who eat a lot more. Compare her to other kids, and she might look like she eats a lot. I am the parent that would feed her kid a chocolate and be happy if they ate it. I am exactly the opposite from what you surmised when it comes to feeding kids. You know nothing about me, and I know a lot about FTT kids and just what that looks like. And this is not it.

This is like someone posting that they think they have an ulcer and someone else saying that it’s definitely not stomach cancer so shut up about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a proof that our society is obsessed with eating a ton of food. By all means OP's dd is not malnourished, no kids is in 15 percentile(and I know a little something about FTT kids) and yet the expectation that kids that are 12 should eat portions that obese people in wheelchairs should eat prevail even in this skinny obsessed forum. We are meant to live of 1/10 of food we eat, in general.

So, on the contrary, I think posts like yours show evidence that there are many middle aged women who are secretly starving themselves and hiding behind stupid excuses about how society wants everyone to be morbidly obese. You are so defensive about a girl you don’t know—this girl might possibly have a food aversion or disorder—you have no clue, but, you are quick to jump in with an over the top defense of not eating. Just stop, it’s gross.

And of course most kids in the 15th percentile are fine, but, the child was 90th percentile and her siblings are 90th percentile and her mother is concerned.

I am the one to jump? You are clueless. I am a mother to two FTT kids, who ate literary nothing compared to OP's child at the same age and from birth for DD. Who were treated by professionals and in hospitals. DD since birth. And DS was below 1%, not 15, same story, dropped around 3. This is normal pattern for many kids, I was told by professionals. My kids got the help and grew, but they certainly survived on almost nothing. Nobody would bat an eye at 15%. Over 9 years?! Some babies are chubby and then they are not. If you truly read OP's post, or if you are OP, you are comparing her to your other kids who eat a lot more. Compare her to other kids, and she might look like she eats a lot. I am the parent that would feed her kid a chocolate and be happy if they ate it. I am exactly the opposite from what you surmised when it comes to feeding kids. You know nothing about me, and I know a lot about FTT kids and just what that looks like. And this is not it.

This is like someone posting that they think they have an ulcer and someone else saying that it’s definitely not stomach cancer so shut up about it.

LOL! yes, this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP also seems to be concerned about protein, but then lists several high protein foods that her child eats happily (chicken, milk, yogurt, beans), and also says she likes veggies!

One ONE brand and type of yogurt (the one with Oreos). That type of pickiness is a hall mark of a severely selective eater. If such a child has a hard time getting enough calories (veggies aren't high in calories) it can become a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the one to jump? You are clueless. I am a mother to two FTT kids, who ate literary nothing compared to OP's child at the same age and from birth for DD. Who were treated by professionals and in hospitals. DD since birth. And DS was below 1%, not 15, same story, dropped around 3. This is normal pattern for many kids, I was told by professionals. My kids got the help and grew, but they certainly survived on almost nothing. Nobody would bat an eye at 15%. Over 9 years?!

Actually many professionals would bat an eye over a child whose weight percentile fell from 90th to 15th, even over the course of many years. Especially in conjunction with a history of severe selective eating.

It is true that they would be more likely to be roused to concern if the drop were from 75th%ile to 1st%ile. Everyone can recognize that below the 3rd%ile is undernourished or cause for concern.

But a mom of FOUR kids, three of whom are healthy eaters and stayed on their weight curves, and one of whom is a severe picky eater and has been dropping and dropping and dropping, has a lot of credibility in being able to tell what seems cause for concern.

[Anonymous]

Here's a thought experiment:

A child went from birth to age 3 weighing at the 90th%ile for her age.

From age 3 to age 12, that percentile slowly and steadily dropped. For many kids, they remain about at the same percentile (maybe from 80th to 95th% in that range in this case) or possibly they move up or down one "line" on the growth chart. - drop down to 70th percentile and remain there.

But this child didn't remain about the same or find a new level. She just kept dropping. From 90th to 15th over nine years -- that's an average of about 8 percentage points per year, right?

So if that pattern continues, in another year where will she be? 15-8 -7th percentile right? And then of the trend continues, she will be at ... -1 percentile?

At THAT point, will you agree that maybe the child isn't eating enough calories? How long does this trend have to continue before you agree it her percentile drop in weight is a concern? Do you only believe kids below the 1st percentile should be considered as having a problem? So OP should do nothing and just let everything go on as normal, until the weight gets below the `1st percentile? Or should she intervene now, and not wait the two years?

[Anonymous]

My 4yr old refuses all meat except sometimes chicken nuggets. He also doesn’t eat eggs or beans. He does eat but butter and hummus. So much hummus. If he doesn’t like dinner he makes himself a PB sandwich, a bowl of cereal or pasta dipped in hummus. I make a pot of wagon wheels every few days and toss with a bit of olive oil and salt so they don’t stick. He reheats them as needed.