Lay off my childcare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait - so your neighbor is asking your babysitter to sit for her kids at times when she is not scheduled to sit for you? And you are incensed about this, because you intensively researched your sitter?

I am having a hard time figuring out why this is any business of yours at all, much less why you are angry about it.

Don't go give your neighbor a piece of your mind; it doesn't sound like you can spare it.

OP here- No. She is asking not knowing the schedule at all- it's none of her business. Nanny came to me put off because it was done SEVERAL times and this neighbor is aggressive and tacky about it.
Yes I'm irritated because she knows me and knows that I don't do anything halfway. She also called up my interior designer (who I paid full price for and found myself) to say "I recommended her" only to try to talk down the price or not make it worth her time. She also found out I have an academic tutor for my sons and tried chatting her up to ask about rates (which is laughable because I know she won't pay for it). She has poached my gardeners, landscapers, etc. It's ALWAYS the same story- she will never, ever compensate these people the way they should and I really don't know why she keeps skimming off of me but it's incredibly irritating. It doesn't bode well for me because all the people above who are employed by me have to deal with her at some point- I take pride in making a nice environment for these people and they don't include her tacky, cheap, aggressive self.

you're really changing your story here OP. You never said she doesn't compensate people well. And either way you just 100% have no ownership over these people!! It doesn't matter how long you researched! That argument seriously holds no water. It is completely NORMAL for people to use the same landscape people, cleaning folks, etc in the same neighborhood. One of the most common things ever and a benefit to those hired because they don't have to pay to go in between neighborhoods driving all over. It's up to the people she hires to figure out their compensation with her, that is not your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait - so your neighbor is asking your babysitter to sit for her kids at times when she is not scheduled to sit for you? And you are incensed about this, because you intensively researched your sitter?

I am having a hard time figuring out why this is any business of yours at all, much less why you are angry about it.

Don't go give your neighbor a piece of your mind; it doesn't sound like you can spare it.

OP here- No. She is asking not knowing the schedule at all- it's none of her business. Nanny came to me put off because it was done SEVERAL times and this neighbor is aggressive and tacky about it.
Yes I'm irritated because she knows me and knows that I don't do anything halfway. She also called up my interior designer (who I paid full price for and found myself) to say "I recommended her" only to try to talk down the price or not make it worth her time. She also found out I have an academic tutor for my sons and tried chatting her up to ask about rates (which is laughable because I know she won't pay for it). She has poached my gardeners, landscapers, etc. It's ALWAYS the same story- she will never, ever compensate these people the way they should and I really don't know why she keeps skimming off of me but it's incredibly irritating. It doesn't bode well for me because all the people above who are employed by me have to deal with her at some point- I take pride in making a nice environment for these people and they don't include her tacky, cheap, aggressive self.

Are your neighbors stealing your thoughts too?

Are they peeking out windows at you?

They all have it in for you! All around!

this reads the way Captain Queeg talked (holding those ball bearings) on the witness stand at the end of The Caine Mutiny.

[Anonymous]

I've got an idea, OP.

Sign an exclusivity agreement with EACH of these people. They can only service YOU.

See if each of them will do this.

Otherwise, go pound sand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a ridiculous thing to be angry about.

One of our sitters is my friend's nanny. We just text her to see if she is available. If she isn't, we move on to our next one. It's a nice way to make extra money and we have never asked her for a time that she is working. I don't see what the big deal is.

It's not personal. Get over it.

Right- here's the issue with this. When someone acts in a deceptive way, they do things like poach your sitter then try to schedule them 6 months out in advance, hence taking them off the market. Then you are stuck with no sitter or 2nd rate which is not fair.

[Anonymous]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-95QqBXLG2I

This is spot on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s completely normal for a part time sitter to take many different babysitting jobs over time. This seems so normal to me that I’m genuinely confused. If it was making your sitter uncomfortable that is one thing, but it doesn’t sound like that’s why you’re upset. I agree it would probably be more appropriate for the neighbor to come to you. It’s not as typical to go straight to the sitter but if you don’t use her on weekends why would you mind if others ask? The attitude of mine mine mine is so off putting.

These kind of threads are always so interesting to me because you’re obviously a very dedicated mom, putting a lot of work in so your kids have great caregivers. It doesn’t jive with the idea of being so incredibly unforgiving of others and unwilling to share in your community. I can’t imagine those are the kind of values you want to teach your kids (or the values you look for in these great providers!). The kind thing to do would be call your neighbor, mention that your sitter mentioned she was looking for a weekend sitter and since you know your sitter doesn’t do weekends you thought you’d reach out with some other good ones you have since she’s searching. You could even mention that if she’s looking in the future she can always come directly to you because you’re happy to share if that’s part of what is bothering you (though I don’t think that’s the underlying emotional in actuality, it sounds like more that you’re upset people will get off easy when you do the hard work)

Why would the neighbor go to OP? It's not OP's decision. Should a recruiter ask my boss if it's ok to tell me about another opportunity? No, you approach the person you're interested in hiring. If they already have a good arrangement then that person will say no, thank you. OP has an awfully weird sense of entitlement over the nanny.

This exactly.

OMG, OP, you are talking about the nanny like she is your property, not your employee. Your OP reeks of entitlement. You try to cover it up with your effusive praise of your nanny, but you are talking like you own her. Shame on you.

If someone wants to hire a person to babysit, they speaker to the potential babysitter, not to other people who employ the babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a ridiculous thing to be angry about.

One of our sitters is my friend's nanny. We just text her to see if she is available. If she isn't, we move on to our next one. It's a nice way to make extra money and we have never asked her for a time that she is working. I don't see what the big deal is.

It's not personal. Get over it.

Right- here's the issue with this. When someone acts in a deceptive way, they do things like poach your sitter then try to schedule them 6 months out in advance, hence taking them off the market. Then you are stuck with no sitter or 2nd rate which is not fair.

It's not fair that someone schedules a babysitter in advance, and then that person is busy in the event you want to use them for the same time?

You truly are insane.

[Anonymous]

Huh...in my neighborhood (7 houses) it's extremely common for us to use the same gardeners, landscapers, house cleaners , contractors, etc. If someone is able to negotiate a better rate , that's on them.

Now the fact that your neighbor is being aggressive and making your nanny uncomfortable is not ok. But your nanny is adult, she needs to be clear with the neighbor she's.not interested and to stop asking. There should be no reason this is an ongoing thing unless your nanny has problems standing up for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait - so your neighbor is asking your babysitter to sit for her kids at times when she is not scheduled to sit for you? And you are incensed about this, because you intensively researched your sitter?

I am having a hard time figuring out why this is any business of yours at all, much less why you are angry about it.

Don't go give your neighbor a piece of your mind; it doesn't sound like you can spare it.

OP here- No. She is asking not knowing the schedule at all- it's none of her business. Nanny came to me put off because it was done SEVERAL times and this neighbor is aggressive and tacky about it.
Yes I'm irritated because she knows me and knows that I don't do anything halfway. She also called up my interior designer (who I paid full price for and found myself) to say "I recommended her" only to try to talk down the price or not make it worth her time. She also found out I have an academic tutor for my sons and tried chatting her up to ask about rates (which is laughable because I know she won't pay for it). She has poached my gardeners, landscapers, etc. It's ALWAYS the same story- she will never, ever compensate these people the way they should and I really don't know why she keeps skimming off of me but it's incredibly irritating. It doesn't bode well for me because all the people above who are employed by me have to deal with her at some point- I take pride in making a nice environment for these people and they don't include her tacky, cheap, aggressive self.

you're really changing your story here OP. You never said she doesn't compensate people well. And either way you just 100% have no ownership over these people!! It doesn't matter how long you researched! That argument seriously holds no water. It is completely NORMAL for people to use the same landscape people, cleaning folks, etc in the same neighborhood. One of the most common things ever and a benefit to those hired because they don't have to pay to go in between neighborhoods driving all over. It's up to the people she hires to figure out their compensation with her, that is not your problem.

OP- I'm providing additional information, not changing. That is a very important point- she is known to be very cheap (you should see her house- it's a falling apart wreck while everyone else's house in the neighborhood is pristine) and does not treat any kind of domestic help well AT ALL. I think it's this desperate need to outsource and make it look like she can have all this help, when in reality she isn't comfortable paying for it and just leads a different lifestyle. I'm not trying to have ownership over anyone and I would never try to dominate one's time. I believe in high quality work and will compensate and behave accordingly. Yes I appreciate some loyalty- who doesn't??
I don't go to a world renowned antique dealer and treat him like a vendor at a flea market- I value the antiques and collectibles that this person has worked hard to collect and sell. She DOESN'T get it- not my problem but I would REALLY like for her to get the heck out of my fine antiques store if you aren't going to pay full price. It's a waste of EVERYONE's time.

[Anonymous]

I read your reply and how she poaches all your other finds as well. How does she get their information? For example, your interior decorators name?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t own her. Move on.

+1 Sounds like your babysitter is trying to make you jealous. All she needs to do is say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait - so your neighbor is asking your babysitter to sit for her kids at times when she is not scheduled to sit for you? And you are incensed about this, because you intensively researched your sitter?

I am having a hard time figuring out why this is any business of yours at all, much less why you are angry about it.

Don't go give your neighbor a piece of your mind; it doesn't sound like you can spare it.

OP here- No. She is asking not knowing the schedule at all- it's none of her business. Nanny came to me put off because it was done SEVERAL times and this neighbor is aggressive and tacky about it.
Yes I'm irritated because she knows me and knows that I don't do anything halfway. She also called up my interior designer (who I paid full price for and found myself) to say "I recommended her" only to try to talk down the price or not make it worth her time. She also found out I have an academic tutor for my sons and tried chatting her up to ask about rates (which is laughable because I know she won't pay for it). She has poached my gardeners, landscapers, etc. It's ALWAYS the same story- she will never, ever compensate these people the way they should and I really don't know why she keeps skimming off of me but it's incredibly irritating. It doesn't bode well for me because all the people above who are employed by me have to deal with her at some point- I take pride in making a nice environment for these people and they don't include her tacky, cheap, aggressive self.

Friend, you need help. And not the domestic kind.

OMG this poster. You sound like a horrible neighbor I know who was obsessed like this poster if anyone had the same item as her no matter how mundane. If somone in my neighborhood bought the same model suv, which was ubiquitous, she was certain it was because of her. Our houses all have full sized side lights on either side of the front door. When she invited me over, I complimented the plantation shutters she had installed on hers and how I wanted to do the same. She was so angry over this that I avoided her for a year. What a loon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a ridiculous thing to be angry about.

One of our sitters is my friend's nanny. We just text her to see if she is available. If she isn't, we move on to our next one. It's a nice way to make extra money and we have never asked her for a time that she is working. I don't see what the big deal is.

It's not personal. Get over it.

Right- here's the issue with this. When someone acts in a deceptive way, they do things like poach your sitter then try to schedule them 6 months out in advance, hence taking them off the market. Then you are stuck with no sitter or 2nd rate which is not fair.

You cannot be serious. Unfair to whom? Not unfair to the babysitter, who now has some future income and she can rely upon. If you want to lock in the babysitter, then YOU schedule them for 6 months out. You just want them to be sitting there with no work lined up just in case you decide you want a sitter 6 months from now? Do you hear how you sound?

[Anonymous]

OP, her actions do not reflect on you and they are not your business either! Stop obsessing over her and focus on your own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh...in my neighborhood (7 houses) it's extremely common for us to use the same gardeners, landscapers, house cleaners , contractors, etc. If someone is able to negotiate a better rate , that's on them.

Now the fact that your neighbor is being aggressive and making your nanny uncomfortable is not ok. But your nanny is adult, she needs to be clear with the neighbor she's.not interested and to stop asking. There should be no reason this is an ongoing thing unless your nanny has problems standing up for herself.

OP here- Oh really? Is that what you would tell someone who's being sexually harassed at work? That she should do a better job of standing up for herself and "Thanks, I'm really busy but will ask my friends to see if they have any availability for you" doesn't suffice because crazy neighbor is bent on getting my Nanny, not her friends? I'm her employer and take pride in making an enjoyable work environment for her- that includes looking out for her (did I mention she's 24 years old- not someone who feels completely comfortable standing up to 40something yr old housewives in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in DC??" I really don't understand how my sense of extreme care and trying to look out for someone is young & impressionable is seen as wrong and that I should "lay off".
You are the kind of women who don't help other women.