Why won't my spouse accept the fact I want a divorce? WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I get you. My husband doesn’t want a divorce either. I was thinking if only from a prude angle- I wouldn’t stay with someone who said they wanted to go. But he doesn’t have those issues. He’ll drag his feet the entire way

On the flip side, he wouldn’t abandon a promise he made for life. He may be proud of that. It sounds like you don’t understand him very well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly do you expect your spouse to do?

This. How did you imagine this would go down?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly do you expect your spouse to do?

This. How did you imagine this would go down?

Doesn't it make sense that any two people who do not have their heads in the sand would realize it is over, both get lawyers, and try to get out of it with what the law decides is equitable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly do you expect your spouse to do?

This. How did you imagine this would go down?

Doesn't it make sense that any two people who do not have their heads in the sand would realize it is over, both get lawyers, and try to get out of it with what the law decides is equitable?

What are people supposed to do, sit down together and pick a date that works for both of them to go see a lawyer? One person has to go first. If you want the divorce, you do the work of seeing a lawyer and filing. The spouse isn't just going to move out and do all the work for you.

[Anonymous]

What are you looking for? You want the divorce. You get a job, get a place to live and move out. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly do you expect your spouse to do?

This. How did you imagine this would go down?

Doesn't it make sense that any two people who do not have their heads in the sand would realize it is over, both get lawyers, and try to get out of it with what the law decides is equitable?

So go get a lawyer. What are you waiting for? It sounds like you want his blessing to divorce him, but I wouldn’t hold my breath.

[Anonymous]

From what I understand, you are currently unemployed and don’t have much money.
My advice is to take the out of state job and move there on your own. Once you’ve lived on your own and built up some savings, think about whether you want a divorce.
Also, ask your future employer about relocation benefits.

[Anonymous]

POOF! You're divorced!!! Yay!
Wait, that's not how it works.
Someone. Has. To. File.

[Anonymous]

Are you waiting for him to give you permission to move? Pull out enough cash to move including securing an apartment you can afford on your new salary and go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly do you expect your spouse to do?

This. How did you imagine this would go down?

Doesn't it make sense that any two people who do not have their heads in the sand would realize it is over, both get lawyers, and try to get out of it with what the law decides is equitable?

Maybe if these two people were so in sync, they wouldn’t need to get divorced.

Maybe in a perfect world it works like you wish it would. If that were the norm, do you think divorce would have a stereotype for being contentious and expensive, traumatizing for the people involved, including the kids, and in some cases dragging on for years? Heck, if it were so easy as agreeing that you both want to stop being married and it’s an agreeable process, why would anyone need divorce lawyers?

You know what else would make sense? If people would be nice, treat each other with respect, honor commitments, not steal or murder, if parents didn’t abuse or neglect their kids, everyone studied hard and succeeded at school, everyone could earn a living wage... Just because something makes sense doesn’t mean that’s how it works in the real world.

File or quit whining. You sound so lazy, waiting for someone else to fix a problem for you. You’re an adult. Act like it.

[Anonymous]

I’m not understanding. You’re thinking it’s crazy that in order to initiate a divorce, you have to file for divorce? Is there another process I’m not aware of? How else would you do it?
It’s very common for one person to make the first move to end the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not understanding. You’re thinking it’s crazy that in order to initiate a divorce, you have to file for divorce? Is there another process I’m not aware of? How else would you do it?
It’s very common for one person to make the first move to end the marriage.

Most people can’t just go and file for divorce if they want to divorce especially, if are minor children involved. Have to get an agreement to separate if there are children. Not as simple as going to a lawyer and saying I want to file for divorce today. Both people either have to get attorneys or both people have to agree to see a mediator. Not like one person can just take action. That can only happen if there are no children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not understanding. You’re thinking it’s crazy that in order to initiate a divorce, you have to file for divorce? Is there another process I’m not aware of? How else would you do it?
It’s very common for one person to make the first move to end the marriage.

Most people can’t just go and file for divorce if they want to divorce especially, if are minor children involved. Have to get an agreement to separate if there are children. Not as simple as going to a lawyer and saying I want to file for divorce today. Both people either have to get attorneys or both people have to agree to see a mediator. Not like one person can just take action. That can only happen if there are no children.

Yes, you can move out, leave the kids at home with Dad and get your own place and have the kids visit. Simple. You should not be demanding your spouse move out and take care of the divorce so you get the house when you want the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not understanding. You’re thinking it’s crazy that in order to initiate a divorce, you have to file for divorce? Is there another process I’m not aware of? How else would you do it?
It’s very common for one person to make the first move to end the marriage.

Most people can’t just go and file for divorce if they want to divorce especially, if are minor children involved. Have to get an agreement to separate if there are children. Not as simple as going to a lawyer and saying I want to file for divorce today. Both people either have to get attorneys or both people have to agree to see a mediator. Not like one person can just take action. That can only happen if there are no children.

OP has already said there are no children involved.

[Anonymous]

Usually one person takes some kind of action. They move out or they file for divorce. Filing for divorce isn't the final step - is just an action. Once you file and give the message - this is happening, you can always still go to mediation or create a separation agreement.

Make him aware of your plans. I am moving out on July 1st. I am looking at places now. Are you thinking we will keep the house or sell it? Where do we want the kids to live primarily? Should I just get an apartment initially?

Take action.