WWYD if your spouse had a medical condition that required you to give up your career?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, if my spouse were so sick that all reasonable things didn't work (shower at work, change clothes, etc) then that means they are pretty damn sick and I would take time off to be with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not really sure that you would have to give up your career. I am immunosuppressed and am an elementary school teacher. I do everything I can to prevent getting sick (constant handwashing, not touching doorknobs or students' pencils, clothes come off right when I get home and I get in the shower etc) but if my spouse was the one who was a teacher I wouldn't expect that he give up his career because of me. But I would expect he would do the best he could to avoid bringing germs home. What is your exact situation?

+1. Both of the scenarios OP presented seem workable to me.

OP here. They aren't the exact situation, but it's a situation where there's not really a workable solution, at least not one that spouse is willing to try.

What is your career??

This is not about an immunosuppressed spouse. This is a question about marital compromise. I would not accept dictating the terms of the relationship-ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not really sure that you would have to give up your career. I am immunosuppressed and am an elementary school teacher. I do everything I can to prevent getting sick (constant handwashing, not touching doorknobs or students' pencils, clothes come off right when I get home and I get in the shower etc) but if my spouse was the one who was a teacher I wouldn't expect that he give up his career because of me. But I would expect he would do the best he could to avoid bringing germs home. What is your exact situation?

+1. Both of the scenarios OP presented seem workable to me.

OP here. They aren't the exact situation, but it's a situation where there's not really a workable solution, at least not one that spouse is willing to try.

What is your career??

This is not about an immunosuppressed spouse. This is a question about marital compromise. I would not accept dictating the terms of the relationship-ever.

This. Clearly there are workable solutions for the spouse to keep their job and keep their spouse safe. what is the spouses reasoning for not wanting to try? Do they not take the illness seriously?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are a nurse, go work for the hmo's, become a case worker, get into admin

I’m confused about why you think working for a different health group means no patient contact?

And as an aside, most nurses (or rather many nurses) don’t go into the profession wanting to do admin. They actually WANT to do client care. If they are approaching their career as they should, they’re not really at that much increased risk for infection.

I'm an RN at a hospital working with a very wide range of patients and am exposed to all sorts of nasty germs on a daily basis. throughout my career, I have worked with many immunocompromised nurses. Depending on what the issue is, some have to not take certain patient assignments but none have had to quit their jobs completely. When I worked in the ED, I knew a couple of nurses who ended up moving to a different floor when they were going through some health issues because you are more likely to get exposed to diseases before you realize you need to take enhanced precautions. But they certainly didn't have to give up their career.

It sounds like the issue is the person is more in the "works in the ED, refuses to work in any other department" category. That's just a selfish move if it puts their spouse at risk.

But certainly you understand the infection risk for those nurses, or the infection risk to their families are two different things?

Every facility I’ve worked in, triage is the most “dangerous”, but also less dangerous due to how the set up is (open are, etc.). I have seen some triage folks move to trauma or something similar when medical need dictated, but I think that’s actually relatively rare.

I agree... if your spouses health is so tenuous, you need to give up your career.. well, you need to be home with them anyway, or they need therapy for health anxiety (and may also need you home with them as a support).

[Anonymous]

I hate posts like this. Op just post the real details and you will get a real answer. So annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are a nurse, go work for the hmo's, become a case worker, get into admin

I’m confused about why you think working for a different health group means no patient contact?

And as an aside, most nurses (or rather many nurses) don’t go into the profession wanting to do admin. They actually WANT to do client care. If they are approaching their career as they should, they’re not really at that much increased risk for infection.

I’m a nurse. I haven’t even SEEN a patient in 5 years. And I work from home! And make more money than I did on the floor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are a nurse, go work for the hmo's, become a case worker, get into admin

I’m confused about why you think working for a different health group means no patient contact?

And as an aside, most nurses (or rather many nurses) don’t go into the profession wanting to do admin. They actually WANT to do client care. If they are approaching their career as they should, they’re not really at that much increased risk for infection.

I’m a nurse. I haven’t even SEEN a patient in 5 years. And I work from home! And make more money than I did on the floor

So yay you. You clearly didn’t go into it because you wanted to do hands on care. Most nurses I know, did. But of course, then it became a “money profession” and no one GAF about the human aspect any more.

So folks.. wonder why your nurse is treating you so poorly during your hospital stay? They’re climbing to become people like PP AND ITS TRUE: they could care less about you.

Ah, the ever changing face of health care.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been married? If you’ve been working at this mystery job for the duration of your marriage, your spouse is presumably still alive? How have they coping this far? When did they get the diagnosis?

Something is off about your question. If it was so terrible, how did you make it this far? I think it’s notable that you haven’t actually tried any accommodations and spouse wants to go nuclear and ask you to quit.

This seems like the spouse recently got an unpleasant diagnosis and wants to blame your job for all their problems. Whatever medical issue they have is not going to be solved by you quitting. If you’re a vet and it’s allergies, someone else is going to be walking a dog in front of your house or in front of the grocery store, etc. If you’re a doctor and spouse is immunosuppressed, they’re going to be exposed to germs/viruses on the metro, at work, at restaurants, etc.

Spouse focusing on your job is a crutch - nothing more than a psychological defense mechanism so they have a tangible villain for their complicated health problem. This convenient villain also allows them to put off coping with their diagnosis. What happens when you quit your job and spouse still has symptoms?!? Will it still be your fault because you didn’t wash your hands after doing daycare drop off? Or because you went to a jog in the park? Once the job is out of the way, get ready for hyper focus on every little thing you do...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not really sure that you would have to give up your career. I am immunosuppressed and am an elementary school teacher. I do everything I can to prevent getting sick (constant handwashing, not touching doorknobs or students' pencils, clothes come off right when I get home and I get in the shower etc) but if my spouse was the one who was a teacher I wouldn't expect that he give up his career because of me. But I would expect he would do the best he could to avoid bringing germs home. What is your exact situation?

+1. Both of the scenarios OP presented seem workable to me.

OP here. They aren't the exact situation, but it's a situation where there's not really a workable solution, at least not one that spouse is willing to try.

That's the real issue. I wouldn't give up the security of my career if someone couldn't be flexible and I wouldn't want to be with someone who couldn't be flexible if I was ill

OP, you DH should let you try other options first before going to the most drastic one. He's probably frightened so is looking for the most foolproof. But even people with medical conditions cannot expect the entire world to bend for them, or for their spouse to give up something so fundamental without trying alternatives first.

[Anonymous]

I think OP is the one asking the spouse to give up the career.

[Anonymous]

I am immunocompromised. I work in healthcare and am exposed to all sorts of environments in hospitals, nursing homes, private residences. I take normal precautions and am fine. There are ER doctors and nurses who may have MS, crohns disease, lupus or other ailments that require immunomodulators or suppressants and they also do fine.

I can only think of scenarios when I would have to take time off from work to be a caregiver, for example if my spouse had cancer and was neutropenic.

I'm a social worker and can't imagine any diagnosis that would affect both my spouse and my job. I can only imagine if my spouse were to do something illegal and I were involved with in, like Medicare fraud that would affect my license.

Maybe I would end up working part time if my spouse were seriously ill?

But if you are sick and your spouse is not adhering to what your precautions are, that's a spouse issue. I would never ask my spouse to give up their career if I were sick because that would directly impact our livelihood, health insurance, ability to pay bills. That sounds ridiculous. Especially if I am not working, how do you expect to live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not really sure that you would have to give up your career. I am immunosuppressed and am an elementary school teacher. I do everything I can to prevent getting sick (constant handwashing, not touching doorknobs or students' pencils, clothes come off right when I get home and I get in the shower etc) but if my spouse was the one who was a teacher I wouldn't expect that he give up his career because of me. But I would expect he would do the best he could to avoid bringing germs home. What is your exact situation?

+1. Both of the scenarios OP presented seem workable to me.

OP here. They aren't the exact situation, but it's a situation where there's not really a workable solution, at least not one that spouse is willing to try.

You'll have to give us more to go on than that OP, because I really can't imagine a scenario where it wouldn't be workable.

This. OP, we can't help you without the relevant facts.

In short, no, I wouldn't give up my livelihood without first trying reasonable steps to mitigate the effects if this is possible in your situation. Try steps like the teacher above does, or whatever works for your field/spouse's illness if this is relevant to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are a nurse, go work for the hmo's, become a case worker, get into admin

I’m confused about why you think working for a different health group means no patient contact?

And as an aside, most nurses (or rather many nurses) don’t go into the profession wanting to do admin. They actually WANT to do client care. If they are approaching their career as they should, they’re not really at that much increased risk for infection.

I’m a Case Manager. All my work is done on the phone. I know that’s not always the case. I have never once been sick from work and I have been a nurse for 23 years ( last 9 have been Case Management).
When I worked OR, we didn’t operate on people with cold, flu etc. Only if it was like and death and we wear masks.

You should be wearing masks during surgery, not for your protection, but for the client’s protection.

And not operating on someone with a cold or flu has nothing to Do with infection control TO YOU, and everything to do with potential for respiratory complications, usually up to the discretion of the anesthesiologist.

I’m guessing there are many reasons you’re not in client care any more.

I said we wears masks, always. I'm not in patient care because I was promoted to non patient care!
I KNOW why we didn't operate on ill people!!! I'm was explaining that not every area of nursing deals with sick people.
Reading comphrension fall for you.

[Anonymous]

*fail not fall