What age do boys stop making sexual and racial innuendos?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Hanging out with 14-year-old boys today. Is it normal for them to still be making comments about sexual orientation. Poking each other in the rear end with tennis racket. General silliness and sexual innuendos and talk?

Have you see this president?

Exactly why the “leadership” is an issue - it’s normalizing abhorrent behavior and dialogue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God I hope it calms down. My kid is only 12 and he comes home talking about hos and more. He gets called gay all the time at school and knows it’s not bad to be gay, but it hurts nonetheless.

I talk and talk until I’m blue in the face about how certain terms and conversations degrade women and how nobody who isn’t black can use the n_word; I don’t care if your buddy gave you the black card.

It’s neverending. I hope some sense sinks in.

I get so tired of seeing this. We are black, we hate the word. It's ok to tell your son that the word is offensive and inappropriate and that it's unacceptable. Tell him some black people think it's ok to use it but many do not.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Hanging out with 14-year-old boys today. Is it normal for them to still be making comments about sexual orientation. Poking each other in the rear end with tennis racket. General silliness and sexual innuendos and talk?

Uncle Joe just promised he's ready to stop.

How old is he?

[Anonymous]

Kids practice everything through play with their friends. These children are mimicking and trying on regular acts of racism and sexism. They are expressing the norms they see and feel around them. They have less finesse and subtlety than adults, so it comes out like this.

Social norms are stronger than any one family's values, so you have to openly fight this at every turn to stand a chance.

[Anonymous]

My about-to-turn 14 yr old doesn't like kids who even use the word "gay" as in "that's so gay" let alone want to be around kids who use the word ho or racial slurs.

I don't know why you didn't tell them that isn't appropriate, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:not in front of me

That's what she said.

[Anonymous]

Neither DH not I talk like this so I was shocked when DS started saying racist things around 14. All I could think was that one of his friends came from a family of bigots. It was very, very upsetting. Part of me felt he was naive because he was not aware of racial stereotypes. We did not tolerate it and it was very upsetting. I think it finally stopped around 16 or 17. I think it just took maturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids practice everything through play with their friends. These children are mimicking and trying on regular acts of racism and sexism. They are expressing the norms they see and feel around them. They have less finesse and subtlety than adults, so it comes out like this.

Social norms are stronger than any one family's values, so you have to openly fight this at every turn to stand a chance.

Absolute nonsense. These kids are not stupid. They know very well what the "social norms" are -- they have been propagandized since kindergarten (and even before) that "racism is the Worst Thing Ever, sexism is bad, blacks and whites are equal, men and women are equal". They get these messages relentlessly, not just from school but from the media, church, etc., as well as from their family. Stop pretending that we live in a 1950s racist patriarchy, because it is risible bullshit. In fact, you should be happy, because social norms are reinforcing your family values, not contradicting them.

The problem is that these teens are rebelling against social norms and family values, not mimicking and expressing them. But gee, who ever heard of teens rebelling against society and their parents?

Or you could be excited that your kids are Challenging the Hegemonic Discourse! Because they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 14yo doesn't do this IN FRONT OF ME, and if he did, I'd talk to him about it. I have no tolerance for comments/actions making fun of sexual orientation.

I fixed it for you.

[Anonymous]

Boys will be Boys

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids practice everything through play with their friends. These children are mimicking and trying on regular acts of racism and sexism. They are expressing the norms they see and feel around them. They have less finesse and subtlety than adults, so it comes out like this.

Social norms are stronger than any one family's values, so you have to openly fight this at every turn to stand a chance.

Absolute nonsense. These kids are not stupid. They know very well what the "social norms" are -- they have been propagandized since kindergarten (and even before) that "racism is the Worst Thing Ever, sexism is bad, blacks and whites are equal, men and women are equal". They get these messages relentlessly, not just from school but from the media, church, etc., as well as from their family. Stop pretending that we live in a 1950s racist patriarchy, because it is risible bullshit. In fact, you should be happy, because social norms are reinforcing your family values, not contradicting them.

The problem is that these teens are rebelling against social norms and family values, not mimicking and expressing them. But gee, who ever heard of teens rebelling against society and their parents?

Or you could be excited that your kids are Challenging the Hegemonic Discourse! Because they are.

Your theory is that kids are rebelling against equality? Your theory is that today’s culture is about truly respecting freedom and equality for all, and these kids are rebelling against that? That boys have been taught to respect female sexuality since kindergarten, and are rebelling against this by calling them hos? When boys were calling girls hos when I was growing up, what were they rebelling against?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids practice everything through play with their friends. These children are mimicking and trying on regular acts of racism and sexism. They are expressing the norms they see and feel around them. They have less finesse and subtlety than adults, so it comes out like this.

Social norms are stronger than any one family's values, so you have to openly fight this at every turn to stand a chance.

Absolute nonsense. These kids are not stupid. They know very well what the "social norms" are -- they have been propagandized since kindergarten (and even before) that "racism is the Worst Thing Ever, sexism is bad, blacks and whites are equal, men and women are equal". They get these messages relentlessly, not just from school but from the media, church, etc., as well as from their family. Stop pretending that we live in a 1950s racist patriarchy, because it is risible bullshit. In fact, you should be happy, because social norms are reinforcing your family values, not contradicting them.

The problem is that these teens are rebelling against social norms and family values, not mimicking and expressing them. But gee, who ever heard of teens rebelling against society and their parents?

Or you could be excited that your kids are Challenging the Hegemonic Discourse! Because they are.

Your theory is that kids are rebelling against equality? Your theory is that today’s culture is about truly respecting freedom and equality for all, and these kids are rebelling against that? That boys have been taught to respect female sexuality since kindergarten, and are rebelling against this by calling them hos? When boys were calling girls hos when I was growing up, what were they rebelling against?

She is delusional, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God I hope it calms down. My kid is only 12 and he comes home talking about hos and more. He gets called gay all the time at school and knows it’s not bad to be gay, but it hurts nonetheless.

I talk and talk until I’m blue in the face about how certain terms and conversations degrade women and how nobody who isn’t black can use the n_word; I don’t care if your buddy gave you the black card.

It’s neverending. I hope some sense sinks in.

I get so tired of seeing this. We are black, we hate the word. It's ok to tell your son that the word is offensive and inappropriate and that it's unacceptable. Tell him some black people think it's ok to use it but many do not.

He knows that. But try telling a 12 year old he can’t use the word when it’s in every single rap song he hears. He needs more context. You can police black people’s use of the word all you want. But my family isn’t going to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Hanging out with 14-year-old boys today. Is it normal for them to still be making comments about sexual orientation. Poking each other in the rear end with tennis racket. General silliness and sexual innuendos and talk?

I work extensively with teens. I've never heard them make racial innuendo. Among boys I do hear some of the joking around about sexual orientation, but to be honest it seems more common among minority youths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS says that the boys at his school make comments about sexual orientation--it bothers him a lot. He asks me about it and I encourage him to speak up by telling him that, statistically, there is one person (probably more) in every one of his classes that is LGBT. Someone is hearing these comments and being hurt. He said he told the principal.
DS said that one of the boys used the word "ho" and he told the boy that he would laugh when some girl punched him in the face.
He hasn't mentioned any racial comments.

Your son sounds like a major snowflake.