Finding out you have a half sibling as an adult

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am wondering if anyone else can share their experiences with learning as an adult (20+) that you have half siblings and what thoughts you had about this? I am trying to understand my BFF's situation as she recently was contacted by a 10 years older half sister that she did not know existed and seems to be having a very difficult time processing it and responding appropriately. Her parents are divorced and she is estranged from her father, the father of the half sibling. Thanks!

Not everything need to be “processed.”

[Anonymous]

I would be thrilled. Biologically I am an only child and my siblings, who were adopted after I was born, do not want anything to do with our family and have a lot of unfortunate and untreated illness. Mental illness, addiction, stealing, physical harm, etc. So I don't really talk to them and feel very alone.

I would be very excited to discover a new half-sibling, but that could just be my nature.

[Anonymous]

OP, view from the other side...I am the older half-sibling.

My father remarried, had a daughter with much younger new wife and their family moved across the county. Cutoff contact with kids of first marriage. We reached out to younger half-sibling after she graduated from college, with a very basic congrats and if you're ever in our area, we'd love to meet etc. type letter. Heard from an uncle that she was intrigued and wanted to meet. We think her parents must have found out, because she instead called my home and left a thanks for the card and go kick rocks voicemail. Never heard from again.

[Anonymous]

I found out I had an older sibling years after my father passed away. It was very awkward. He is 20 years older than me, my father and his mother had a vacation hook up. My father knew about him and never acknowledged him. My half-brother had a lot of resentment towards my father. He was a great father to me, we had a wonderful relationship. I just couldn't handle someone saying crap about him. Once in a blue moon my brother's wife reaches out to me with updates about their family, I barely respond. I just don't need this relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found out I had an older sibling years after my father passed away. It was very awkward. He is 20 years older than me, my father and his mother had a vacation hook up. My father knew about him and never acknowledged him. My half-brother had a lot of resentment towards my father. He was a great father to me, we had a wonderful relationship. I just couldn't handle someone saying crap about him. Once in a blue moon my brother's wife reaches out to me with updates about their family, I barely respond. I just don't need this relationship.

And you can't understand your sibling's correct assumption about his deadbeat Dad, because YOU were treated well?

Ugh, let this sibling go. Apparently you are just as toxic as your father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found out I had an older sibling years after my father passed away. It was very awkward. He is 20 years older than me, my father and his mother had a vacation hook up. My father knew about him and never acknowledged him. My half-brother had a lot of resentment towards my father. He was a great father to me, we had a wonderful relationship. I just couldn't handle someone saying crap about him. Once in a blue moon my brother's wife reaches out to me with updates about their family, I barely respond. I just don't need this relationship.

Something is wrong with you.

[Anonymous]

A couple of years before he died, my dad told me that I have a half brother out there. My dad was involved with a woman about five years before he met my mom, and she got pregnant. She was part of some wealthy New York society family, and they did not want her to marry my dad. There was another guy that she’d been seeing before my dad, and her family basically forced her to marry him. so from what I understand, my half brother probably doesn’t even know that the man he grew up with isn’t his dad. My dad passed away years ago now, and I don’t think I have any way of finding this brother. I have done DNA testing, so if he happens to do that, I guess he’ll pop up.

[Anonymous]

I would love it if this happened to me and would wholeheartedly welcome a relationship with a half-sibling I never knew about.

[Anonymous]

I found out I have an older brother about 5 years ago. He messaged me on FB. I was sitting on the couch beside my wife and received the message, showed my wife and she said that has to be fake. I went and grabbed a pic of my grandfather and showed my wife (he had passed away before we met) and she said, “OH.” My mom just rolled it off like nothing. Which normal for her.

[Anonymous]

There is a podcast called Family Secrets, hosted by writer Dani Shapiro, where this situation is often shared by people. They process in conversation. I would recommend it to your friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I found out I had an older sibling years after my father passed away. It was very awkward. He is 20 years older than me, my father and his mother had a vacation hook up. My father knew about him and never acknowledged him. My half-brother had a lot of resentment towards my father. He was a great father to me, we had a wonderful relationship. I just couldn't handle someone saying crap about him. Once in a blue moon my brother's wife reaches out to me with updates about their family, I barely respond. I just don't need this relationship.

And you can't understand your sibling's correct assumption about his deadbeat Dad, because YOU were treated well?

Ugh, let this sibling go. Apparently you are just as toxic as your father.

Agree. My bio father was basically a predator who had multiple affairs, and impregnated women who worked for him, while married with several kids. Pilar of the community. The siblings who found this out through many of us who have surfaced want nothing to do with us because he was a "wonderful father" and they can't fathom any of his behavior.