Bummed...

[Anonymous]

You just have to hope your dc is not one of the ones counseled out....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP who used the unfortunate word 'brainpower' earlier. I wish I hadn't and I feel bad about even thinking that way about young children.

I took to heart what 9:22 said, about these being the foundational years. This is comforting and makes a lot of sense to give every kid a great start. I HAVE to keep that in mind, because ....

I still can't help that I'm a little bummed, to use OPs word, when I engage with all the kids in DC's class (I'm with them not infrequently) and it is evident that several of them are just not quick. I am sure they are lovely children who will grow up to do fine things and may currently have mad soccer, joke-telling, drawing or ballet skills.

But. Their significant number as a percentage of the classroom means in practice that the whole class moves much more slowly than I would expect at a Big ___ for $$ a year. Given the difficult odds of getting in, and the numbers of children turned away, this surprises me.

I'm not in your situation (yet), but I think I'd be really frustrated if I was. In other words, if you decided to shell out $25K+ a year to send your DC to private school because you were worried that s/he wouldn't be challenged enough in public school (which, of course, would be free), and then you're finding that your child still isn't challenged enough, I'd be pretty bummed too. Honestly, though, this doesn't surprise me that much given all the talk about schools caring about more than test scores and the large number of 99% kids who are rejected from private so end up at public school. This is why I'm seriously considering public school (at least for K) for my DC.

The demand of 99.9+ WPPSI scorers exceeds the supply of class spots at independents around the area. Independents aren't necessarily rejecting 99.9+ WPPSI applicants because they care "about more than test scores" - they couldn't accommodate all of them, even if they so desired. Regardless, there are PLENTY of 99.9+ at Big 3s and other independents in the area.

FWIW, I have 2 DCs in a Big 3. I am surprised to hear that there is so much whole classroom instruction at OP's DC school. Most independents divide and subdivide classrooms into small groups for IT, math, wordplay, etc. They don't always divide by ability, but it allows the children to receive attention both as an individual and in a small group. Our children are in early grades and the abilities vary as they usually do at these ages. But because of the small groups, no one is necessarily held back by the pace nor is someone being left behind. Perhaps OP erred in school choice. This may simply be the curriculum and instruction style of DC's school, not necessarily the inadequate brainpower of DC's peers.

[Anonymous]

OP here: Thank you all for your responses. Just to clarify, I am talking about a very small group of kids (2-3) who, in my opinion, are struggling with psychiatric issues, not just kids acting out here and there and "being kids." That is a completely different topic of discussion. The children I am speaking of are all seeing psychologists inside and out of school, and are being treated on an ongoing basis. They are very bright kids and have many wonderful moments (which is how I suspect they were admitted to begin with) but when the outbursts occur they are disruptive and upsetting to other children. I have absolutely no desire to shield my child from the real world or pretend like persons with psychiatric issues don't exist; much is to be learned from all types of people. I am just discouraged that these children and their outbursts are beyond what I would consider kids learning how to exist together and just "being kids."

[Anonymous]

To OP: sorry - looks like your thread got hijacked by a poster concerned about the lack of smarts in her kid's class. You describe a tough situation. Such outbursts can be disruptive, especially to children who are easily unsettled by such displays. At the early ages in school, I find it difficult to discern what is sypmptomatic of a larger, troubling pattern and what is emblematic of the pains of growing. Just last weekend, my son had a meltdown during a board game and both my DH and I were shocked. He has largely left those meltdowns behind, but he is in a new school, etc and such transitions can be tiring - hence, an old behavior.

Perhaps as the new year becomes more routine, the teachers will know what is no longer growing pains, but are behaviors that need to be redirected, perhaps even in another classroom setting. Some parents may not yet be able to recognize that their child needs a different school environment. I feel for their struggle, yet also hope they ultimately do what is in their child's, not their, interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP who used the unfortunate word 'brainpower' earlier. I wish I hadn't and I feel bad about even thinking that way about young children.

I took to heart what 9:22 said, about these being the foundational years. This is comforting and makes a lot of sense to give every kid a great start. I HAVE to keep that in mind, because ....

I still can't help that I'm a little bummed, to use OPs word, when I engage with all the kids in DC's class (I'm with them not infrequently) and it is evident that several of them are just not quick. I am sure they are lovely children who will grow up to do fine things and may currently have mad soccer, joke-telling, drawing or ballet skills.

But. Their significant number as a percentage of the classroom means in practice that the whole class moves much more slowly than I would expect at a Big ___ for $$ a year. Given the difficult odds of getting in, and the numbers of children turned away, this surprises me.

I'm at a loss for words. . .

May I suggest that you NOT be with them frequently?

[Anonymous]

OP, as a HS mother, I will tell you that you and your child will meet all kinds of kids during your LS, MS and HS journeys. We all assume that any kids who join ours will be similar in behavior. Our early years were filled with a physically violent anti-social child and several serial bullies. At first it's a shock but you do end up realizing that every school has issues like these.

I will say that how the school responds is important. Our previous school did little to help and the same problems ran all the way through MS. At our new school, they have a detailed behavior policy and enforce it. Kids all well-behaved, in part because parents, admin and teachers all take a part in recognizing bad behavior as soon as it happens. Two years in, we've heard of no behavior problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, as a HS mother, I will tell you that you and your child will meet all kinds of kids during your LS, MS and HS journeys. We all assume that any kids who join ours will be similar in behavior. Our early years were filled with a physically violent anti-social child and several serial bullies. At first it's a shock but you do end up realizing that every school has issues like these.

I will say that how the school responds is important. Our previous school did little to help and the same problems ran all the way through MS. At our new school, they have a detailed behavior policy and enforce it. Kids all well-behaved, in part because parents, admin and teachers all take a part in recognizing bad behavior as soon as it happens. Two years in, we've heard of no behavior problems.

Can you share which HS you are in now - the one with the detailed behavior policy? Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Here are 2 quotes from another current thread re: school visits / playdates:

"Oh yessiree I bribed DS for each playdate. He got to pick out a new toy after each one (same day trip to toy store)..."

And another:

"bribe, plead, threaten, negotiate ..."

I'm not drawing any conclusions, just sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here are 2 quotes from another current thread re: school visits / playdates:

"Oh yessiree I bribed DS for each playdate. He got to pick out a new toy after each one (same day trip to toy store)..."

And another:

"bribe, plead, threaten, negotiate ..."

I'm not drawing any conclusions, just sharing.

This makes me feel sorry for the schools and ADs. They are not getting to see the real child and may well be admitting exactly the child/family they are trying to avoid. Hopefully recs from pre-school teachers will correct these good playdate impressions but if not, the schools end up with klids who don't fit in well or who's needs are not met. Last year my DD had such a child in her PK class. He was horribly disruptive and a major problem and a great deal of time and enbergy was diurected away from the othwer children to handle him. Still, the children seemed less phased by it than the teachers. That child is no longer in the school this year but I know they had a rerally tough time getting his parents to accept it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP who used the unfortunate word 'brainpower' earlier. I wish I hadn't and I feel bad about even thinking that way about young children.

I took to heart what 9:22 said, about these being the foundational years. This is comforting and makes a lot of sense to give every kid a great start. I HAVE to keep that in mind, because ....

I still can't help that I'm a little bummed, to use OPs word, when I engage with all the kids in DC's class (I'm with them not infrequently) and it is evident that several of them are just not quick. I am sure they are lovely children who will grow up to do fine things and may currently have mad soccer, joke-telling, drawing or ballet skills.

But. Their significant number as a percentage of the classroom means in practice that the whole class moves much more slowly than I would expect at a Big ___ for $$ a year. Given the difficult odds of getting in, and the numbers of children turned away, this surprises me.

I'm at a loss for words. . .

May I suggest that you NOT be with them frequently?

Why? Why would you say that?

She sounds upset because she probably has a very bright kid and just realized that other children got into the school because of connections and money - and some of them are dolts. It's a reality of Big 3 life.

[Anonymous]

As a parent looking at several of the Big 3 this fall and wondering whether the $$ is worth it, I would love to know what school OP is writing about.