Question for Parents

[Anonymous]

Lucy Calkins makes a really nice point in Raising Lifelong Learners. She points out that kids' early attempts at spoken language are met with great enthusiasm, generosity of interpretation, and praise. E.g. Toddler says "buh." Parent, with a big smile, points to the ball and says "that's right -- there's a ball!"

By contrast, when kids start to write, the feedback more often takes the form of criticism and correction -- you misspelled that word, your "P" is backwards.

Not surprising so many people end up comfortable/happy speaking and so few enjoy writing.

Reading this was an a-ha moment for me when DC was little. It might be a good anecdotal way to make 10:34's point.

[Anonymous]

This thread is all over the place. Some parents raise concerns about how the parents seem to be averse to working with the teacher to create a win-win for the child, while others assume that the teacher is claiming the child is hopeless and beyond redemption. While I haven't decide what I think of the act of the teacher's anonymous posting, I feel for this little girl and hope her parents love her for who she is, not whom they want her to be. Perhaps, as one PP suggested, if the parents work with the child to find her passions, it may help her hone her attention and focus skills. Regrettably, I've seen a few children in our neighborhood and in my children's preschools who faced similar challenges. The parents' attitudes ranged from partial paralysis to oblivion. Now these children are in early elementary and really struggling in school and with their peers. Trying to redirect these behaviours is now even harder as they've gone unchecked for five, six, seven years.

Best of luck to the teacher, this girl, and her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lucy Calkins makes a really nice point in Raising Lifelong Learners. She points out that kids' early attempts at spoken language are met with great enthusiasm, generosity of interpretation, and praise. E.g. Toddler says "buh." Parent, with a big smile, points to the ball and says "that's right -- there's a ball!"

By contrast, when kids start to write, the feedback more often takes the form of criticism and correction -- you misspelled that word, your "P" is backwards.

Not surprising so many people end up comfortable/happy speaking and so few enjoy writing.

Reading this was an a-ha moment for me when DC was little. It might be a good anecdotal way to make 10:34's point.

What a great post - my DC is just beginning to spell and I curse the byzantine nature of English, because DC grasps it phonetically, but Merriam-Webster is churning in grave! How do folks handle this? I'd love suggestions lest I turn into our big sour harp.

[Anonymous]

One thing that really helped for us is that when you can't tell WTF your DC things she has written (even after you mentally try sounding it out phonetically), ask her to read it to you. Sometimes they're just as proud of their reading as their writing, LOL and don't realize you're asking because the writing isn't working for you.

SDRBRES turned out to be strawberries, LOL.

The other thing that worked for us, especially if you have an early writer, is to keep reminding ourselves that spelling was naturally likely to correct itself once DC becomes an experienced and fluent reader. At that point, the spelling that seems natural to them is more likely to be the one they've seen repeatedly than one that's phonetic. (Not always, depends on learning style). By second grade, our DC was a great speller -- after 4 years of invented spelling!

The other thing that was interesting to me bout the Calkins book was that she suggested or maybe just implied that writing may naturally precede reading. That was totally contrary to my own experience, but it certainly matched DC's own inclinations and when I thought about it, it made sense. Writing let her communicate -- something she desperately wanted to do. Independent reading would add work to (and might subtract companionship from) story time and the books she could read independently (at least initially) had little or no appeal compared to the stories she could listen to. So she was in no hurry for any of that, thank you very much.

At any rate, my response was to encourage her writing, chill about the spelling and about independent reading, to keep reading to her, and to buy her audiobooks (when her expectations about how much I should read at one sitting because too burdensome). And by 3rd grade, she was the same voracious reader I had been at that age, as well as a better writer. I think that's largely because she has such a good ear for language.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, 11.29 - really helpful suggestions! And it also fits in with how my DD seems to be progressing.

[Anonymous]

I posted earlier at 9:26. I'm concerned by 10:34's comment that the teacher is not going to change the parents' thinking. I think the parents' thinking her is potentially damaging to this child's self-confidence. Are there no teacher workshops on dealing with misguided parental ambition? Don't schools have policies about handling this type of thing? If this Ivy obsession doesn't abate, there are going to be a lot of bitter parents out there and damaged children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted earlier at 9:26. I'm concerned by 10:34's comment that the teacher is not going to change the parents' thinking. I think the parents' thinking her is potentially damaging to this child's self-confidence. Are there no teacher workshops on dealing with misguided parental ambition? Don't schools have policies about handling this type of thing? If this Ivy obsession doesn't abate, there are going to be a lot of bitter parents out there and damaged children.

I was that PP. My point is that parents like that are not going to be convinced by anyone (let alone a teacher) that their genius child is not going to make it into an Ivy. So the best effect the teacher can have is to get the parents to use techniques and language at home that will at least not uspet the child or create a bad environment and hopefully encourage her. Also, as others have pointed out, at that early age nobody (not the teacher or the parents) know the potential of the child - some peak a lot later.

[Anonymous]

12:41 I'm the PP and I have seen overwrought parents evolve in their thinking when they've met with the Head of School or another school official like a counselor. I don't think we can know whether the parents are educable about these things without trying a few different strategies.

[Anonymous]

OP here

Thanks again for all the helpful comments. Some of the specific phrases and suggestions have been wonderful. It's great to know that there are so many parents who feel like we do.

Please know that the school faculty, staff and admin are all supporting this little girl and are trying to work with the parents.

In the long run, I hope she'll stay at the school and have enough support that when she hits the terrible tweens, she can rebel in a positive way. And she will rebel - she's quite fiesty.

One other question for you as parents - is there any good way to gently address the parents' anxiety and how it could be affecting their child?