Help me support my DD’s effort to not eat meat

[Anonymous]

OP here. As usual on DCUM, the responses are a mix of really helpful advice, some unsolicited prejudice and judgement, and stupid posts from people who didn’t read the OP. I never said that she wants to become vegetarian. I am not going to undermine her effort by making her feel bad about eating fish. She is taking a big step in the right direction and that’s all that matters for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's 12. She's old enough to start cooking for herself. I was cooking dinner for the family by the time I was 12 because I loved cooking. And I learned a lot about cooking healthy meals that have stuck with me to this day.

The real danger for her, especially if she's already a big eater, is sliding into the too familiar territory of carbs, carbs, carbs all the time. Pizza, pasta, fries. Just because she cuts meat out doesn't mean it'll make her healthier.

How about getting several vegetarian cookbooks and plopping them in front of her and telling her to get inspired.

OP here. Thanks! She is actually a very healthy eater so I am not very worried about the pizza and fries issue. I’d love to get her some books. Can you recommend any?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I decided to become a vegetarian when I was 10 op and as one of 5 kids-I was very much on my own (both parents worked.) First of all-its great you suport her. My parents did not. I’d say easiest is to double up a few meals already being cooked and save for leftovers or reconfigured into fillings for quesadillas or burritos. Trader Joes has some easy frozen veggie meals - and I lived on canned soup for a bit as I navigated my new life. (My family’s meals were cery meat centric.) She can also learn a few easy recipes on her own. Stuffed baked potatoes, chili, pastas of course. Do not worry about protein as long as she’s not vegan as she’ll be getting plenty (and you mentioned pescatarian so I’d say she’s more than covered!!)

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

What exactly do you think, dear OP, it means when you write "My 12 yo DD two weeks ago stopped eating meat." That she is pescaterian? That she eats meat?
And then you call the us stupid?! Stupid is as stupid.....

[Anonymous]

She is going to have to step up. It just isn’t as easy to cook a balanced vegetarian menu as a meat-filled one. For me, the hardest part of cooking is the prep and forethought. Good beans require that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly do you think, dear OP, it means when you write "My 12 yo DD two weeks ago stopped eating meat." That she is pescaterian? That she eats meat?
And then you call the us stupid?! Stupid is as stupid.....

No she expects you to read her original post where she says vegetarian/pescatarian BEFORE responding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly do you think, dear OP, it means when you write "My 12 yo DD two weeks ago stopped eating meat." That she is pescaterian? That she eats meat?
And then you call the us stupid?! Stupid is as stupid.....

Didn’t you and I have an almost identical exhange last week? You really need some English lessons.

Merriam-Webster:
Definition of meat. 1a : food especially : solid food as distinguished from drink. b : the edible part of something as distinguished from its covering (such as a husk or shell) 2 : animal tissue considered especially as food: a : flesh sense 2b also : flesh of a mammal as opposed to fowl or fish.

[Anonymous]

My DD as been a vegetarian for a few years. Initially, she was on the white carb train - pasta, rice, potatoes - but she's gradually added more variety and veggies. Protein is always an issue as well as Vitamin D. Our pediatrician recommended using a multi-vitamin after blood work results at her annual checkup (per my request). I don't like to cook but picking recipes and cooking together on the weekends has been fun. I like the Moosewood cookbook, a classic, but check your local library as there are plenty of updated options. There are also several great food bloggers. We like Smitten Kitchen mostly because her recipes are simple and she also has some amazing desserts which is always of great interest for my teen. In fact, she often likes to find a dessert recipe first. Right now, she's eating a lot of soups, which are great with this weather and they're one pot, easy clean/heat up options. Thai, Mexican, Indian and Italian are all veggie friendly. I haven't turned her completely lose in the kitchen yet, but she enjoys the few dishes she makes on her own. Good luck and have fun with your DD.

[Anonymous]

My DD did the same thing at the same age (3 years later she changed her mind and returned to eating some meat, and she never stopped eating fish/shellfish). During that time I made a lot of assemble-your-own "meat optional" meals - like tacos w/beans and corn (and cooked red meat or chicken on the side for my boys and DH), stir-fry (meat on the side), veggie burgers and regular burgers (easy to throw a morningstar chipotle burger in the microwave while grilling the other stuff), lasagnas where 1/2 had sausage and the other half was veggie, plus she really liked channa masala (that's actually really easy if you buy the spice mix at HMart - just combine with chickpeas and diced tomatoes and heat it up). Sometimes I would make her a salmon filet (the single serve frozen kind) if the rest of the family was eating pot roast or whatever. Generally I feel like if you don't cook ethnic dishes it might be harder.

We bought her some veggie cookbooks and that basically went nowhere. Too young and not enough interest on her part, and I didn't have the time or energy to coax her along. I taught her how to make a few things but she never made her own food beyond cereal and peanut butter sandwiches. (Seriously, how hard is it to cook an egg??)

All this said I made WAY more cheesey dishes than I care to admit - mac and cheese, cheese quesadillas/tacos, cheese and crackers in her lunch...I started calling her a "cheesetarian." And it was a pain planning dinners..."how will I make this veg-friendly?" It's hard when you have others in the house who have no interest in trying tofu or lentils or whatever.

We did have her tested after a year at the ped for iron levels and all was ok.

Good luck! You'll do great, I'm sure - you seem to have a good attitude about it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. As usual on DCUM, the responses are a mix of really helpful advice, some unsolicited prejudice and judgement, and stupid posts from people who didn’t read the OP. I never said that she wants to become vegetarian. I am not going to undermine her effort by making her feel bad about eating fish. She is taking a big step in the right direction and that’s all that matters for now.

I would not have her identify as a vegetarian if she eats fish/wears leather too... she's not a vegetarian and its fine to eat fish but true vegetarians will look at her very funny. I've been a vegetarian since I was 17. My child is a vegetarian. Its not a big deal at all. Its much easier now then when I started as there are so many more food options. She can always just eat sides - make rice and a veggie and meat and she can skip the meat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best way to support her is to teach her how to cook for herself.

If you require different meals due to preference and not health requirements (allergies, diabetes, Chrones, etc) the. You n3ed to learn to cook them yourself, especially if you are around middle school or older.

You also need to teach her proper nutrition, and remind her that there are nutrients her body needs, especially during puberty, that she won't get from a vegetarian diet if she does not do it correctly (like eating only celery, carrots, chips and mac n cheese type vegetarian).

You do not allow her to flirt with veganism. For a girl that age, it is a stepping stone to malnourishment and eating disorders. She can make that choice at 18 when she goes to college and is past puberty.

This is all very well stated. There is a lot of danger in allowing her to make her own way unsupported. At the very least you need to have her speak with her pediatrician and then also a dietician or nutritionist. Her body is at a critical growth and development period, and she must be sure she is supplying it with everything it needs. Additionally, watch closely to ensure that she does not become too limited in her diet because that may indicate food control issues indicating the presence of problems in the realm of anorexia or even bulimia. Your most important step, OP, as a mom will be to get her in to see her pediatrician and the dietician. Let them set up the parameters so that she is eating a well-balanced diet and then you can support her by providing the food stuffs and opportunities to prepare her meals that meet those requirements.

You harasses her like you both stated, then she will have an eating disorder. You all are being overly obnoxious as it doesn't support your agenda. Many of us have been vegetarian since teens and its a perfectly healthy diet. Most people don't need nearly as much protein in their diet as people push. She'll be fine. Unclench.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best way to support her is to teach her how to cook for herself.

If you require different meals due to preference and not health requirements (allergies, diabetes, Chrones, etc) the. You n3ed to learn to cook them yourself, especially if you are around middle school or older.

You also need to teach her proper nutrition, and remind her that there are nutrients her body needs, especially during puberty, that she won't get from a vegetarian diet if she does not do it correctly (like eating only celery, carrots, chips and mac n cheese type vegetarian).

You do not allow her to flirt with veganism. For a girl that age, it is a stepping stone to malnourishment and eating disorders. She can make that choice at 18 when she goes to college and is past puberty.

This is all very well stated. There is a lot of danger in allowing her to make her own way unsupported. At the very least you need to have her speak with her pediatrician and then also a dietician or nutritionist. Her body is at a critical growth and development period, and she must be sure she is supplying it with everything it needs. Additionally, watch closely to ensure that she does not become too limited in her diet because that may indicate food control issues indicating the presence of problems in the realm of anorexia or even bulimia. Your most important step, OP, as a mom will be to get her in to see her pediatrician and the dietician. Let them set up the parameters so that she is eating a well-balanced diet and then you can support her by providing the food stuffs and opportunities to prepare her meals that meet those requirements.

You harasses her like you both stated, then she will have an eating disorder. You all are being overly obnoxious as it doesn't support your agenda. Many of us have been vegetarian since teens and its a perfectly healthy diet. Most people don't need nearly as much protein in their diet as people push. She'll be fine. Unclench.

NP.

The minimum RDA for protein for a teen girl is 46 grams, more if a girl is physically active or an athlete. Of course, that is scientifically based as opposed to your "unclench" method. It is hard to construe how providing access to knowledgeable experts could be perceived as "harasses" (sic).

If you were my daughter giving me these response then I would know that you are too immature to be making these choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:time for her to start cooking. Win-win.

+100. When I became a vegetarian at 15 my mom had me help with meal planning and prep. 12 is not too young to have a role in that. You can help her understand how some recipes can be modified to exclude meat for her or include meat for the rest of the family. Maybe get her a vegetarian cookbook. It probably won’t take too much more effort than you’re already putting into meal planing and prep at the start, and hopefully will make things much easier for you and help DD learn some valuable skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best way to support her is to teach her how to cook for herself.

If you require different meals due to preference and not health requirements (allergies, diabetes, Chrones, etc) the. You n3ed to learn to cook them yourself, especially if you are around middle school or older.

You also need to teach her proper nutrition, and remind her that there are nutrients her body needs, especially during puberty, that she won't get from a vegetarian diet if she does not do it correctly (like eating only celery, carrots, chips and mac n cheese type vegetarian).

You do not allow her to flirt with veganism. For a girl that age, it is a stepping stone to malnourishment and eating disorders. She can make that choice at 18 when she goes to college and is past puberty.

This is all very well stated. There is a lot of danger in allowing her to make her own way unsupported. At the very least you need to have her speak with her pediatrician and then also a dietician or nutritionist. Her body is at a critical growth and development period, and she must be sure she is supplying it with everything it needs. Additionally, watch closely to ensure that she does not become too limited in her diet because that may indicate food control issues indicating the presence of problems in the realm of anorexia or even bulimia. Your most important step, OP, as a mom will be to get her in to see her pediatrician and the dietician. Let them set up the parameters so that she is eating a well-balanced diet and then you can support her by providing the food stuffs and opportunities to prepare her meals that meet those requirements.

You harasses her like you both stated, then she will have an eating disorder. You all are being overly obnoxious as it doesn't support your agenda. Many of us have been vegetarian since teens and its a perfectly healthy diet. Most people don't need nearly as much protein in their diet as people push. She'll be fine. Unclench.

NP.

The minimum RDA for protein for a teen girl is 46 grams, more if a girl is physically active or an athlete. Of course, that is scientifically based as opposed to your "unclench" method. It is hard to construe how providing access to knowledgeable experts could be perceived as "harasses" (sic).

If you were my daughter giving me these response then I would know that you are too immature to be making these choices.

Be nasty to your kid...works wonders when they get older and you wonder why they stopped talking to you. Your response is not accurate as it goes by height, weight and other things, not just a flat amount.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say if you are doing planned veg meals most of the time and are just cooking meat once a week then its ok for DD to eat something really basic that night. Like avocado toast with an egg on, or salmon under the broiler, or black bean nachos or quesadillas, maybe an omelette with veggies in.

Oh my.

You consider those basic? If I make something like that, I feel like I'm doing great!

- not OP