Child with delays keeps hurting my kid(and others)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time for private school.

FWIW, both my sister’s kid & a friend’s kid had simiar experiences in private schools.

We had issues of threats in private, not public. FCPS has been much more proactive with discipline. We left the private and have not had issues. My kids attend SACC and it is not run by the school. As others have said, speak to the head of the program and find alternate aftercare if it is not resolved.

[Anonymous]

Be prepared for them to side with the SN kid.

We had a SN kid break our DS glasses. He was integrated into the classroom for certain subjects. Many witnesses saw him grab the glasses and stomp them. The school said my son should have been wearing them especially during integration, because SN kid has impulse control issues.

A para who I know outside of school told me the school wouldn’t touch punishing the SN kid with a 10’ pole.

[Anonymous]

I think that not disciplining the kids with special needs is an urban legend. In many schools, those kids are the first to be suspended for behaviors that are due to their disability (e.g. melting down and refusing to transition to another class.) Check the data.

I have quite a few teacher friends who share that there is often taunting/ teasing/ subtle shade-throwing happening from the typical kids towards the kids with special needs that can trigger issues. The kids with special needs may have a shorter fuse or be less able to engage in verbal retaliation, so they kick, hit etc like younger kids. So in these cases, although the child with special needs did engage in the most visible behavior, it was in response to non-physical aggression. And it is the teacher/ administrator's discretion how to proceed in those cases.

For these situations as a parent I would be asking a lot of questions about the supervision of all of the kids and what the situation was that led to the violence. If it is during transition times, like walking down the halls, this is prime time for picking on kids without a lot of oversight. I would also be asking for a plan to prevent that situation from occurring again.

[Anonymous]

SN mom here - schools are quick on our end to threaten to kick us out so please don't make blanket statements about letting SN kids run wild. If anything I've found that my DS gets write ups for things that his peers also do, but they are savvy enough not to get caught. Also, as a PP pointed out, typical kids do often instigate (whether intentionally or not). We had a situation in K where a group of boys would put my DS up to doing "bad" things because he doesn't understand social norms in the same way. Once the kids were in a different class the next year, the behavior stopped immediately. I'm not saying the SN child shouldn't have consequences, clearly the behavior is unsafe and needs to be addressed, just offering another experience. I agree with PP's who say this is an issue of staffing. If this child has a 1:1 aide, where is he/she when the dangerous behavior is happening? There should be a behavior plan in place that identifies specific triggers, rewards and consequences. Sorry this is happening for you OP and good luck! SN or not, no children should be subject to being hurt by peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that not disciplining the kids with special needs is an urban legend. In many schools, those kids are the first to be suspended for behaviors that are due to their disability (e.g. melting down and refusing to transition to another class.) Check the data.

I have quite a few teacher friends who share that there is often taunting/ teasing/ subtle shade-throwing happening from the typical kids towards the kids with special needs that can trigger issues. The kids with special needs may have a shorter fuse or be less able to engage in verbal retaliation, so they kick, hit etc like younger kids. So in these cases, although the child with special needs did engage in the most visible behavior, it was in response to non-physical aggression. And it is the teacher/ administrator's discretion how to proceed in those cases.

For these situations as a parent I would be asking a lot of questions about the supervision of all of the kids and what the situation was that led to the violence. If it is during transition times, like walking down the halls, this is prime time for picking on kids without a lot of oversight. I would also be asking for a plan to prevent that situation from occurring again.

+1
Great post. Teacher here. There are definitely aggressive children at our school but they are not the special needs children. If a special needs child gets upset, we are almost always able to trace it back to another child triggering the meltdown on purpose. This is often a supervision issue and happens during recess or lunch when teachers are not paying attention.
OP you should direct your anger at the aftercare program, not the child. You need to make it clear you want your child to stay and the other child to stay and that they need to step up. They are the adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a child at my DS school that is consistently hurting my child and others on an almost daily basis in extended day He has punched my son(age 5) in the face, breaking his glasses, stratched his back, pushed him against a wall causing a knot on his his head and bitten his arm. There have many many complaints and the extended day staff have reassured us the child has a 1:1 aid, but the incidents keeps happening. I confirmed with staff that my child is not provoking this child(he isn’t aggressive at all but wanted to make sure.) I don’t know what else to do?

I find your description hard to believe. If a child was really doing this type of thing "on an almost daily basis" there is no way the child would still be in aftercare, special needs or not. And there is no way a child with a 1:1 aide could be doing all this stuff. You or your child are exaggerating like crazy. Is it possible your child is extra sensitive and doesn't understand that kids can be physical at this age? When you say the child scratched his back could it have been part of normal rough and tumble play? If this child actually punched your child and broke your child's classes who paid for those glasses? What was your child doing that your child was targeted? Are you sure your child has not been verbally abusing this other child?

My DD has been in a class and in aftercare with children with 1:1 aides and basically they work with the child to move to a different area when they start getting upset so that conflicts do not occur. They may occasionally get upset and say something rude. I think once a child tore down a poster in the classroom. But that was it. It is the children who do not have 1:1 aides, whose problems are not diagnosed, whose parents are in denial, who do the most damage. Several classmates of DD who do not have SN, do not have an aide are known to push, hit, and shove and she once saw one of those boys smack another's into the water fountain because he was upset.