Is it super rude to snoop?

[Anonymous]

I don’t snoop. If I find a folded note in my kid’s bedroom, I don’t read it.

When my mom passed away, it was so hard going through everything. She died suddenly, so no time to get rid of stuff. I was so sad that she died, but she was such a private person, I hated going through her entire life and personal papers and thoughts.

I have no desire to look at other people’s things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I peek into people’s showers while I’m on the toilet, maybe open a cabinet. It doesn’t hurt then because they don’t know.

Don’t act like none of you do this.

I don’t. I respect my friends. I’m an adult.

[Anonymous]

Rude is not even the word- it is so boundaryless it is beyond the pale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I peek into people’s showers while I’m on the toilet, maybe open a cabinet. It doesn’t hurt then because they don’t know.

Don’t act like none of you do this.

I really don't do that. Really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I peek into people’s showers while I’m on the toilet, maybe open a cabinet. It doesn’t hurt then because they don’t know.

Don’t act like none of you do this.

Most people don't. You should ask yourself why you do it and you will discover that you are likely petty, mean and untrustworthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I peek into people’s showers while I’m on the toilet, maybe open a cabinet. It doesn’t hurt then because they don’t know.

Don’t act like none of you do this.

Most people don't. You should ask yourself why you do it and you will discover that you are likely petty, mean and untrustworthy.

^I think you've hit on it dp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I peek into people’s showers while I’m on the toilet, maybe open a cabinet. It doesn’t hurt then because they don’t know.

Don’t act like none of you do this.

I really don't do that. Really.

Never would do that and honestly am not particularly interested in other people’s presctiptions or finances.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My SIL snoops in personal areas of our home, like drawers, medicine chest, mail. I have caught her a few times and asked her what she is looking for and she seems oblivious that she is doing something wrong. I have asked her not to do it but it continues. I would never leave her to babysit. If you snoop, why do you?

Why do you continue to allow her into your home?

Unfortunately SIL came with my DH family- package deal. She is a social worker and I wonder if she is up in people business as a job that does it without consciousness. SIL also asks personal questionso, how much is in your 401k, student loan, mortgage, salaries. And then on the other side she gossips about other peoples personal business so I know she blabs our business.

Hopefully, you've learned to keep your mouth shut. I would be on her the entire time she was in my home.

I don't feed her personal information but sometimes she provokes me with loaded questions like "Didn't you guys have to take a second mortgage out to pay the $10k orthodontist bill ? No we don't have a second mortgage and the orthodontist bill was only $5k - so she gets the info by baiting me. It's so violating.

You are choosing to be violated by continuing to have her in your home and have any sort of personal conversation with her whatsoever. So you might as well stop complaining about your choice.

I can't bar her from family gatherings and I don't want to ice her out because she actually has many good qualities. It's just a toxic, fatal flaw.

What? I am a social worker and I have never asked anyone these questions. I also have a blabby friend and I never tell her (or anyone) any personal business I don't want the world to know about. I don't snoop in bathrooms either. Your SIL is violating your personal space, and you are letting her. You are permitting her to "violate" you, as you say above. She's baiting you, but it doesn't mean you have to respond. It's not her fault that you answer her- it's yours. Stop doing it.

Boundaries! When she asks what you paid for x,y,z- "Why in the world would you think it's acceptable to ask such a rude question?" Every. Time. And stare. And wait. She will either apologize, or change the subject.