Is it super rude to snoop?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL snoops in personal areas of our home, like drawers, medicine chest, mail. I have caught her a few times and asked her what she is looking for and she seems oblivious that she is doing something wrong. I have asked her not to do it but it continues. I would never leave her to babysit. If you snoop, why do you?

Why do you continue to allow her into your home?

Unfortunately SIL came with my DH family- package deal. She is a social worker and I wonder if she is up in people business as a job that does it without consciousness. SIL also asks personal questions, how much is in your 401k, student loan, mortgage, salaries. And then on the other side she gossips about other peoples personal business so I know she blabs our business.

Hopefully, you've learned to keep your mouth shut. I would be on her the entire time she was in my home.

I don't feed her personal information but sometimes she provokes me with loaded questions like "Didn't you guys have to take a second mortgage out to pay the $10k orthodontist bill ? No we don't have a second mortgage and the orthodontist bill was only $5k - so she gets the info by baiting me. It's so violating.

You are choosing to be violated by continuing to have her in your home and have any sort of personal conversation with her whatsoever. So you might as well stop complaining about your choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have always thought it would be interesting (but also a big mess) to put marbles in the medicine cabinet during parties to see if people snoop.

Someone told me they did this and it produced the predictable embarrassment on the part of the snooping party!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have always thought it would be interesting (but also a big mess) to put marbles in the medicine cabinet during parties to see if people snoop.

Someone told me they did this and it produced the predictable embarrassment on the part of the snooping party!

I would never do it in a medicine cabinet just in case someone actually was bleeding from a cut (there is no medicine cabinet in the powder room), or needed an epi-pen or something crazy, but I totally have put notes in certain drawers and areas when my ILs were visiting. I know for a fact MIL has been in my jewelry box without my knowledge or consent; if she tries that shit again, she will be confronted by a faux-treacly note telling her to get out, and did she need help with anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL snoops in personal areas of our home, like drawers, medicine chest, mail. I have caught her a few times and asked her what she is looking for and she seems oblivious that she is doing something wrong. I have asked her not to do it but it continues. I would never leave her to babysit. If you snoop, why do you?

Why do you continue to allow her into your home?

Unfortunately SIL came with my DH family- package deal. She is a social worker and I wonder if she is up in people business as a job that does it without consciousness. SIL also asks personal questionso, how much is in your 401k, student loan, mortgage, salaries. And then on the other side she gossips about other peoples personal business so I know she blabs our business.

Hopefully, you've learned to keep your mouth shut. I would be on her the entire time she was in my home.

I don't feed her personal information but sometimes she provokes me with loaded questions like "Didn't you guys have to take a second mortgage out to pay the $10k orthodontist bill ? No we don't have a second mortgage and the orthodontist bill was only $5k - so she gets the info by baiting me. It's so violating.

You are choosing to be violated by continuing to have her in your home and have any sort of personal conversation with her whatsoever. So you might as well stop complaining about your choice.

I can't bar her from family gatherings and I don't want to ice her out because she actually has many good qualities. It's just a toxic, fatal flaw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL snoops in personal areas of our home, like drawers, medicine chest, mail. I have caught her a few times and asked her what she is looking for and she seems oblivious that she is doing something wrong. I have asked her not to do it but it continues. I would never leave her to babysit. If you snoop, why do you?

Why do you continue to allow her into your home?

Unfortunately SIL came with my DH family- package deal. She is a social worker and I wonder if she is up in people business as a job that does it without consciousness. SIL also asks personal questions, how much is in your 401k, student loan, mortgage, salaries. And then on the other side she gossips about other peoples personal business so I know she blabs our business.

Hopefully, you've learned to keep your mouth shut. I would be on her the entire time she was in my home.

I don't feed her personal information but sometimes she provokes me with loaded questions like "Didn't you guys have to take a second mortgage out to pay the $10k orthodontist bill ? No we don't have a second mortgage and the orthodontist bill was only $5k - so she gets the info by baiting me. It's so violating.

You are choosing to be violated by continuing to have her in your home and have any sort of personal conversation with her whatsoever. So you might as well stop complaining about your choice.

Why are you giving her more information when she asks those kinds of questions -- like that it was only $5k? If you're not comfortable not answering, just say "no". and stare back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL snoops in personal areas of our home, like drawers, medicine chest, mail. I have caught her a few times and asked her what she is looking for and she seems oblivious that she is doing something wrong. I have asked her not to do it but it continues. I would never leave her to babysit. If you snoop, why do you?

Why do you continue to allow her into your home?

+1

She would never be invited back to mine.

[Anonymous]

That is crazy rude. I would not trust her alone in my home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don't feed her personal information but sometimes she provokes me with loaded questions like "Didn't you guys have to take a second mortgage out to pay the $10k orthodontist bill ? No we don't have a second mortgage and the orthodontist bill was only $5k - so she gets the info by baiting me. It's so violating.

You do not have to respond with information. You can just answer, "No." And then change the subject. Anyone who presses me for information I don't want to reveal gets told that the information is "classified." Ha, ha! [fake laugh] Then I change the subject. If your SIL keeps pressing you, you can always politely say with a bit of faux confusion, "Why do you want to know?" or "Why do you want to know about our personal finances?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL snoops in personal areas of our home, like drawers, medicine chest, mail. I have caught her a few times and asked her what she is looking for and she seems oblivious that she is doing something wrong. I have asked her not to do it but it continues. I would never leave her to babysit. If you snoop, why do you?

Why do you continue to allow her into your home?

Unfortunately SIL came with my DH family- package deal. She is a social worker and I wonder if she is up in people business as a job that does it without consciousness. SIL also asks personal questions, how much is in your 401k, student loan, mortgage, salaries. And then on the other side she gossips about other peoples personal business so I know she blabs our business.

No that's not normal and inappropriate to ask that.

[Anonymous]

It’s not just rude, it’s inexcusable. People don’t forget the person who violated their privacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL snoops in personal areas of our home, like drawers, medicine chest, mail. I have caught her a few times and asked her what she is looking for and she seems oblivious that she is doing something wrong. I have asked her not to do it but it continues. I would never leave her to babysit. If you snoop, why do you?

That is super weird, who looks through someone else's mail

[Anonymous]

The other thing that angers me is that my husband is not as bothered because it's his sister and he is more of an open book than me. It's hard to have privacy when you are married to Mr. Transparency and his sister is Miss Nebby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The other thing that angers me is that my husband is not as bothered because it's his sister and he is more of an open book than me. It's hard to have privacy when you are married to Mr. Transparency and his sister is Miss Nebby.

Directly and clearly confront her, every time. That’s all you are willing to do, apparently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other thing that angers me is that my husband is not as bothered because it's his sister and he is more of an open book than me. It's hard to have privacy when you are married to Mr. Transparency and his sister is Miss Nebby.

Directly and clearly confront her, every time. That’s all you are willing to do, apparently.

Confront her rudely each time, and in front of everyone.

“Why do you need to know That? Am I under investigation?” Etc

Sometimes people need a reality check.

[Anonymous]

I peek into people’s showers while I’m on the toilet, maybe open a cabinet. It doesn’t hurt then because they don’t know.

Don’t act like none of you do this.