Do children in your family make/give holiday gifts? (Adjusting to in-laws)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids exchange gifts with each other. Sometimes they make something at school for us.

Otherwise, I really don’t want my kids to give me presents.

I’m curious about this. Why don’t you want your kids to experience giving a gift? As PPmentioned, I think it’s good to teach kids the joy of giving a gift.

Because my husband’s side of the family is SO into gifts for adults and the younger generation feels obligated to give the parents gifts and there’s pouting from the parents if they don’t get precisely what they want (these are not people who need others to buy them gifts, trust me). I find the whole thing so distasteful and it reeks of “if you don’t buy me exactly what is on this list you don’t love me enough.” So I have zero interest in ever creating some culture of forced gift giving.

And they do give gifts, to each other. Part of the deal with their allowance is that they need to budget with that money to pick out birthday and Christmas gifts for each other. Before they were old enough for an allowance, I took them separately to the store and we looked for something they thought their sibling would like and I helped them wrap it and such. They also pick out gifts to give their friends for birthday parties. And if they make us something at school, we are of course grateful and enthusiastic in our praise of their creation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, unless they made it in school. Honestly it's just more work for the parent/most likely mother.

You don’t let them daw or color without direction and supervision?

Exactly. It's not that hard. I'm the PP who posted about making an ornament with a kit from Michael's. I stopped at Michael's on my way home from work one day, paid $2 for the kit, and then told my 2 year old, "how about you decorate this for grandma and grandpa?" I set her up at her little table in the kitchen with some crayons and stickers and she was happy as a clam decorating it. After she went to sleep, I spent 5 minutes gluing the pieces together and it was done. Really not a big deal.

Well, yeah, it's easy because she's two and nobody cares about the prodct. If you had three tweens, would you have them glue pieces of foam together? Or would you try to get them to do something more elaborate? And can you see how this might become kind of complex and a fair amount of trouble?

[Anonymous]

My 10yo DD always makes gifts. When she was really little, she used to assemble little collections of “treasures” to give as gifts (a pretty rock, a slightly used sheet of stickers, and a drawing might be one such collection). It’s very sweet. She loves to give presents and participate in that aspect of the season.

A 20yo who has never given a gift has missed an opportunity to practice empathy, thoughtfulness, and generosity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, unless they made it in school. Honestly it's just more work for the parent/most likely mother.

You don’t let them daw or color without direction and supervision?

Exactly. It's not that hard. I'm the PP who posted about making an ornament with a kit from Michael's. I stopped at Michael's on my way home from work one day, paid $2 for the kit, and then told my 2 year old, "how about you decorate this for grandma and grandpa?" I set her up at her little table in the kitchen with some crayons and stickers and she was happy as a clam decorating it. After she went to sleep, I spent 5 minutes gluing the pieces together and it was done. Really not a big deal.

Well, yeah, it's easy because she's two and nobody cares about the prodct. If you had three tweens, would you have them glue pieces of foam together? Or would you try to get them to do something more elaborate? And can you see how this might become kind of complex and a fair amount of trouble?

This. Plus you have a small family. I have six kids. So not only is it six gifts to give to grandparents, but then also to each other. So now I have to stop and find age appropriate stuff and I’ve already purchased 7,001 gifts and hosted 15 people. So I’m not adding making gifts that will likely get tossed to my plate. That is why gifts flow down in our family, and if I could get rid of them entirely I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 10yo DD always makes gifts. When she was really little, she used to assemble little collections of “treasures” to give as gifts (a pretty rock, a slightly used sheet of stickers, and a drawing might be one such collection). It’s very sweet. She loves to give presents and participate in that aspect of the season.

A 20yo who has never given a gift has missed an opportunity to practice empathy, thoughtfulness, and generosity.

I’m not sure your ten year old is learning how to give gifts. She’s making collections of stuff she likes. Isn’t the point to pick something the receiver likes? So, yeah, it’s sweet at that age but I don’t think she’s learning a life skill.

[Anonymous]

Our school has a holiday store the kids buy all their gifts at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, unless they made it in school. Honestly it's just more work for the parent/most likely mother.

You don’t let them daw or color without direction and supervision?

Exactly. It's not that hard. I'm the PP who posted about making an ornament with a kit from Michael's. I stopped at Michael's on my way home from work one day, paid $2 for the kit, and then told my 2 year old, "how about you decorate this for grandma and grandpa?" I set her up at her little table in the kitchen with some crayons and stickers and she was happy as a clam decorating it. After she went to sleep, I spent 5 minutes gluing the pieces together and it was done. Really not a big deal.

Well, yeah, it's easy because she's two and nobody cares about the prodct. If you had three tweens, would you have them glue pieces of foam together? Or would you try to get them to do something more elaborate? And can you see how this might become kind of complex and a fair amount of trouble?

This. Plus you have a small family. I have six kids. So not only is it six gifts to give to grandparents, but then also to each other. So now I have to stop and find age appropriate stuff and I’ve already purchased 7,001 gifts and hosted 15 people. So I’m not adding making gifts that will likely get tossed to my plate. That is why gifts flow down in our family, and if I could get rid of them entirely I would.

Has no one in your family ever thought of a group gift? Is sounds like you are making this way more complicated than it needs to be? You are coming across as pissed off.

One of nieces noticed grandma’s pot holders were old and had some stains. She and her sisters pooled their allowance money and gave her a set of pot holders. My brother took them to the store, but the girls took care of everything else. They were excited to see her unwrap them and she put them to use right away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 10yo DD always makes gifts. When she was really little, she used to assemble little collections of “treasures” to give as gifts (a pretty rock, a slightly used sheet of stickers, and a drawing might be one such collection). It’s very sweet. She loves to give presents and participate in that aspect of the season.

A 20yo who has never given a gift has missed an opportunity to practice empathy, thoughtfulness, and generosity.

I’m not sure your ten year old is learning how to give gifts. She’s making collections of stuff she likes. Isn’t the point to pick something the receiver likes? So, yeah, it’s sweet at that age but I don’t think she’s learning a life skill.

Many children start giving items they value. In time, they will learn to think about what will make the recipient happy. The PP’s DD is not unusual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids have given gift since they were 3. In preschool the teachers helped the kids make and wrap a gift for parents. Since then they have either made a gift for parents, siblings and grandparents or done small jobs to earn money to buy something. My 13yr old ds who is my biggest challenge right now paid attention to what his younger brothers were always wanting to touch/play with in his room and chose to pass those items down to his brothers as a gift yesterday. His brothers were thrilled. If kids don't give gifts than how do we expect them to turn into caring adults?

What a nice thing your son did. Just goes to show a gift doesn’t have to cost money to make someone happy.

[Anonymous]

Wow!! So many cranky parents passing down the idea that gift giving is a burden! And the idea that a childy doesn’t learn something from the exchange that a wonky gift that a 3, 4, 5 year old gives?? They’ll learn their own pkeasure and excitement of giving, from their parents or grandparents they’ll learn the art of graciously recieving. I’m sure many of us have found ‘treasures’ we’ve given to our own grandparents back in the day still proudly displayed.

My own mom would take my kids to a craft store when they were little in early December and have each pick out a craft to do and gift to me/DH. Actually my mother still marveled years later how my 2nd DD thoughtfully chose something she felt she could do most successfully and on her own.

Those of us encouraging our children to give gifts aren’t looking for more things (if they’re clutter to you, you can quiety remove in a spring clean!) We are imho trying to counteract the emphasis on getting by stressing the giving-and giving of oneself. Its something that transcends all cultures and religions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 10yo DD always makes gifts. When she was really little, she used to assemble little collections of “treasures” to give as gifts (a pretty rock, a slightly used sheet of stickers, and a drawing might be one such collection). It’s very sweet. She loves to give presents and participate in that aspect of the season.

A 20yo who has never given a gift has missed an opportunity to practice empathy, thoughtfulness, and generosity.

I’m not sure your ten year old is learning how to give gifts. She’s making collections of stuff she likes. Isn’t the point to pick something the receiver likes? So, yeah, it’s sweet at that age but I don’t think she’s learning a life skill.

Many children start giving items they value. In time, they will learn to think about what will make the recipient happy. The PP’s DD is not unusual.

Sorry i wasn’t clear. She makes gifts now and has for a while, but when she was 2-3 she would present her treasures. It was cute! Now she sews, paints, and draws her gifts, or else occasionally does painted pottery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, unless they made it in school. Honestly it's just more work for the parent/most likely mother.

You don’t let them daw or color without direction and supervision?

Exactly. It's not that hard. I'm the PP who posted about making an ornament with a kit from Michael's. I stopped at Michael's on my way home from work one day, paid $2 for the kit, and then told my 2 year old, "how about you decorate this for grandma and grandpa?" I set her up at her little table in the kitchen with some crayons and stickers and she was happy as a clam decorating it. After she went to sleep, I spent 5 minutes gluing the pieces together and it was done. Really not a big deal.

Well, yeah, it's easy because she's two and nobody cares about the prodct. If you had three tweens, would you have them glue pieces of foam together? Or would you try to get them to do something more elaborate? And can you see how this might become kind of complex and a fair amount of trouble?

This. Plus you have a small family. I have six kids. So not only is it six gifts to give to grandparents, but then also to each other. So now I have to stop and find age appropriate stuff and I’ve already purchased 7,001 gifts and hosted 15 people. So I’m not adding making gifts that will likely get tossed to my plate. That is why gifts flow down in our family, and if I could get rid of them entirely I would.

Has no one in your family ever thought of a group gift? Is sounds like you are making this way more complicated than it needs to be? You are coming across as pissed off.

One of nieces noticed grandma’s pot holders were old and had some stains. She and her sisters pooled their allowance money and gave her a set of pot holders. My brother took them to the store, but the girls took care of everything else. They were excited to see her unwrap them and she put them to use right away.

Not pissed off, just not interested in adding to the shopping and/or clutter. I’d rather bake cookies or watch a movie or something not gift related.