Interfaith couples, too many holiday. How do you tell people "no".

[Anonymous]

This is us. We celebrate and host everything: Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kipour, Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Christmas and Easter. And I bake a zillion Christmas cookies for neighbors, friends and families. Part of it is the families (mine and his) don't want to miss out (Jewish nieces and nephews here for passover want Easter baskets, Catholic nieces and nephews like our Seder), some of it is our house can fit everyone, some of it is we want to celebrate both of our heritages, part of it is I like to cook...

If the problem is the work of hosting, outsource: order the food from elsewhere/cater the meal, have a house cleaner come the day before.

If the problem is too many people/too many events, pick and choose. Decide ahead of time and let everyone know way ahead that you are planning a change for this year. If you aren't surprising them the day/week before, they won't be upset, and might even offer to step up and host. They might think you always host and want to always host, so don't offer.

Our kids are teens, and while I usually grimace by about Dec 15th, when I'm exhausted, I know I only have a few short years before the kids are gone, and won't be around for some of these holidays because of college, then jobs, then someday their own families. That helps me get through....

[Anonymous]

We celebrate every Thanksgiving with the Jewish family, Christmas with the Christians, Passover every other year with the Jews and Easter every year on our own. Sometimes the in-laws come for Easter, but I like to keep that low key.

Hanukkah is a FaceTime holiday.

[Anonymous]

^the other holy days, we switch back and forth. “You did it last year, now it’s our turn”. Or we do what makes sense: “ we’re moving this year so can you host instead?”

[Anonymous]

I’m the pp. I read more of your responses OP and agree it’s a boundary setting thing. Decide what you want because your sanity is important. What matters to you and your DH? Host one, maybe two things in the crazy time (between September and December). Host one thing in the spring.
Tell him to talk to his family and you talk to yours.Set expectations early and refuse to apologize. People will pick up the hosting slack or you can agree to meet at a restaurant.

Don’t buy presents for anyone who is not a child. We did this at my suggestion and everyone was relieved.

Don’t cook every single thing you serve. Outsource it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"This year, we are hosting X and Y. We will not be hosting for A, B, or C. If anyone makes plans for those holidays, please let us know, and we'll check our schedules. Otherwise, we'll see you on DATE and DATE, and look forward to that."

Yeah, so it comes back to the spine thing...

Yeah, so then stop wasting our time with these type of posts. You know what you need to do--get on the same page as DH about what you two want to do, communicate it, and stand your ground.

It really is that simple. Their feelings about your reasonable boundaries are not your problem.

[Anonymous]

One more thing OP:

The first year is the hardest, but once the dust settles your life will be so much better!