Has anyone done a 23 and me on their adoptive child? Health and ancestry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is 10, I’m thinking about it but worried top- will her birth family find us this way (we
are not ready for that )? What was your health outcome? Did you share the reply/answer with your adopted child?

There's something creepy and underhanded about even thinking of doing something so odious.

I'm lost....how is this odious?

+1. comments are weird. And 23 and Me doesn't give info that is that private anyhow. It might say that people with your bloodwork have a tendency to macular degeneration at old age, but it doesn't disclose anything bizarre that could be "odious".

[Anonymous]

I'm an adoptive mom and agree that doing genetic testing on an adopted child is a terrible violation of trust and privacy. This is my daughter's decision to make (it is her body) when she is old enough to understand what it's all about.

[Anonymous]

Are there that many closed domestic adoptions still? Everyone I know with a non-international adoption in the last twenty years had an open adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there that many closed domestic adoptions still? Everyone I know with a non-international adoption in the last twenty years had an open adoption.

There are still closed adoptions but in todays day and age its far easier to find people so nothing is truly close or secret with the internet now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an adoptive mom and agree that doing genetic testing on an adopted child is a terrible violation of trust and privacy. This is my daughter's decision to make (it is her body) when she is old enough to understand what it's all about.

It depends on why you are doing it.

[Anonymous]

I am a 36 yr old adoptee. I have never questioned that the people who raised me are my parents. Over the years I developed strange talents that were so out of the realm of my parents and my friends. When I had kids myself and realized my only known blood relatives shared these traits out of the womb I became more fascinated. I took both major tests, 23 and me and ancestry, last year and within an hr I had all the answers to my “story”. Some of the immediate players were thrilled and I talk to them all the time (daily), others were devastated and won’t likely ever contact me.

Bottom line this is not your decision to make. As a 10
Year old adoptee I would have loved to find out that I was 53% Swedish but I would never have fully understood the ramifications of opening Pandora’s box. In addition, while my birth family and adoptive family were very similar, socio-economically, culturally, with a similar education level so I can’t speak to how I would feel regarding identity crisis there are many adoptees that experience an extreme sense of identity crisis. I have two very close friends that grew up with amazing parents, were fortunate to experience many diverse opportunities yet decided they needed to find out their personal story. Once they took 23andmeme and recognized how different their life could have been they both struggled deeply to cope with their indentity and who they were born to be.

THIS IS NOT YOUR DECISION, nor is a 10 year old ready to understand the ramifications of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 36 yr old adoptee. I have never questioned that the people who raised me are my parents. Over the years I developed strange talents that were so out of the realm of my parents and my friends. When I had kids myself and realized my only known blood relatives shared these traits out of the womb I became more fascinated. I took both major tests, 23 and me and ancestry, last year and within an hr I had all the answers to my “story”. Some of the immediate players were thrilled and I talk to them all the time (daily), others were devastated and won’t likely ever contact me.

Bottom line this is not your decision to make. As a 10
Year old adoptee I would have loved to find out that I was 53% Swedish but I would never have fully understood the ramifications of opening Pandora’s box. In addition, while my birth family and adoptive family were very similar, socio-economically, culturally, with a similar education level so I can’t speak to how I would feel regarding identity crisis there are many adoptees that experience an extreme sense of identity crisis. I have two very close friends that grew up with amazing parents, were fortunate to experience many diverse opportunities yet decided they needed to find out their personal story. Once they took 23andmeme and recognized how different their life could have been they both struggled deeply to cope with their indentity and who they were born to be.

THIS IS NOT YOUR DECISION, nor is a 10 year old ready to understand the ramifications of this.

Adoption is very different now than when you were adopted/grew up. We know a lot about our child's history/birthparents/their families (some great, some horrible) so sometimes for this generation pandora's box is open. I can google and see what they are doing very easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a 36 yr old adoptee. I have never questioned that the people who raised me are my parents. Over the years I developed strange talents that were so out of the realm of my parents and my friends. When I had kids myself and realized my only known blood relatives shared these traits out of the womb I became more fascinated. I took both major tests, 23 and me and ancestry, last year and within an hr I had all the answers to my “story”. Some of the immediate players were thrilled and I talk to them all the time (daily), others were devastated and won’t likely ever contact me.

Bottom line this is not your decision to make. As a 10
Year old adoptee I would have loved to find out that I was 53% Swedish but I would never have fully understood the ramifications of opening Pandora’s box. In addition, while my birth family and adoptive family were very similar, socio-economically, culturally, with a similar education level so I can’t speak to how I would feel regarding identity crisis there are many adoptees that experience an extreme sense of identity crisis. I have two very close friends that grew up with amazing parents, were fortunate to experience many diverse opportunities yet decided they needed to find out their personal story. Once they took 23andmeme and recognized how different their life could have been they both struggled deeply to cope with their indentity and who they were born to be.

THIS IS NOT YOUR DECISION, nor is a 10 year old ready to understand the ramifications of this.

Op Here- Thank you, Truely!

Adoption is very different now than when you were adopted/grew up. We know a lot about our child's history/birthparents/their families (some great, some horrible) so sometimes for this generation pandora's box is open. I can google and see what they are doing very easily.

[Anonymous]

Op again. Thank you to all for your advice. I need some more advice -how to tell her that she is too young. Telling her “No” invites a “I’m going to do it anyway secretly” outlook from her. My daughter has been asking me to do these tests for the “cool” part. I wanted to do the test for health purposes - later in life I found out my aunt had NHL cancer like me- she died from it. Knowing health information at a young age I thought I could persuade her to live a more healthy life style ; all she eats is the usual kid carbs. Lol right, a 10 year old is still going to eat junk food; I want her to at least eat less. For now I told her we can look into it when she’s older; this won’t hold out for too Long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adoptive or not, I don't think you should be choosing to put someone else's DNA on a public registry. It will be there forever and that's not your choice to make.

23 and me is public? Like anyone could find out your ancestry if you did it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again. Thank you to all for your advice. I need some more advice -how to tell her that she is too young. Telling her “No” invites a “I’m going to do it anyway secretly” outlook from her. My daughter has been asking me to do these tests for the “cool” part. I wanted to do the test for health purposes - later in life I found out my aunt had NHL cancer like me- she died from it. Knowing health information at a young age I thought I could persuade her to live a more healthy life style ; all she eats is the usual kid carbs. Lol right, a 10 year old is still going to eat junk food; I want her to at least eat less. For now I told her we can look into it when she’s older; this won’t hold out for too Long.

What is the "cool" part? The ancestry part? It depends on what race/ethnicity your daughter is. I'm a Korean adoptee. If you research it, you'll find that almost all Koreans are a mix of Korean, Chinese, and Japanese because of ancient migration patterns, fluid borders, and invasions. Now that I know that, I see that I didn't need 23 and Me to tell me that- all I needed to do was a little bit of research!

[Anonymous]

I’m adopted on one side, and for me the desire to know the genetic history on that side is outweighed by my desire for privacy (both from companies having my genetic info and from biological relatives who might try to contact me). My own kids were all offered free full genome sequencing as part of a study, which I declined despite the offer of compensation because I was not comfortable making that decision for them. We don’t know what kind of genetic privacy protections will be in place when our children are adults nor what kind of computer hacks may release this info to the world.

The chance that you will find something that is relevant to her as an adolescent is low. Maybe you could plan to offer to pay for this as a gift at some point after she turns 18 if she wants to.

[Anonymous]

Was the adoption closed? This opens up a HUGE HUGE HUGE can of worms for the biological parents that cannot be undone. If anyone on the biological parent side has also done 23 and me (i.e. grandparents, aunts, uncles and first, second cousins etc), your adopted daughter will be matched with them. If the biological parents wanted that adoption to be closed, doing 23 and me de facto reopens the adoption. If the biological parents did not want that, this creates a huge problem.

[Anonymous]

https://www.fastcompany.com/40580364/the-ftc-is-investigating-dna-firms-like-23andme-and-ancestry-over-privacy

23 and Me is selling your genetic information to drug companies. They're making an insane profit off your $100 test. And what happens when their databases are breached and now hackers have not only your personal information, passwords, and credit card info but also your genetic information?!?! And you're only 10 years old???

NO way in hell would I ever do 23 and me. If you're concerned about your genetic makeup, do it through a genetic counselor and your doctor, who are at least covered by HIPPA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again. Thank you to all for your advice. I need some more advice -how to tell her that she is too young. Telling her “No” invites a “I’m going to do it anyway secretly” outlook from her. My daughter has been asking me to do these tests for the “cool” part. I wanted to do the test for health purposes - later in life I found out my aunt had NHL cancer like me- she died from it. Knowing health information at a young age I thought I could persuade her to live a more healthy life style ; all she eats is the usual kid carbs. Lol right, a 10 year old is still going to eat junk food; I want her to at least eat less. For now I told her we can look into it when she’s older; this won’t hold out for too Long.

I would acknowledge that there is something cool about it. Affirm her feelings there. But maybe make an analogy with a tattoo. If she wanted a tattoo at age ten, even if you thought it was the super coolest tattoo ever and couldn’t wait to see her with her awesome tattoo, you still wouldn’t take her to get it because it is a decision that can’t be undone and you don’t want to make that commitment for her.

Also, I can’t remember if the you said you or your spouse had done 23 and me yet, but if you hadn’t, maybe consider holding off until she is old enough? That might make her feel better about it.