Wish I married a smart and ambitious man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a woman, I am smart, high libido, and ambitious. Reasonably successful salary according to DCUM standards. Yes, I want a man that can match my drive. It's hard doing things alone and your man is content sitting and watching football all day or zoned out from his edible usage.

So, I am still looking. . .

P.S. I feel like my high libido is a curse.

Is there anything in between? It feels like on DCUM men are lumped into two categories: ultra-intense, 80 hour a week biglaw/lobbying/consulting/surgeon types who bring home $1million+ at the peak of their careers OR dudes who live in their parents' basement smoking weed and maybe make a few bucks walking dogs on the side. Is there any room for the government attorney making $120k with a decent work/life balance? Or the family medicine doctor who can leave work at 4:30 to pick up his kids?

Are we that incapable of seeing any nuance in this situation?

When our kids were at home DH would leave for work at 7am dropping my youngest off at the bus stop and get home around 7pm or a bit later. When he was home he rarely did business work and that includes weekends. He was very successful and he made it all work. The people who worked for him always appreciated his work life balance because it affected their lives. Within our group of friends there were other men who did the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Familiarity breeds contempt. There are probably very nice things about him that your are over looking, including intelligence and ambition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a woman, I am smart, high libido, and ambitious. Reasonably successful salary according to DCUM standards. Yes, I want a man that can match my drive. It's hard doing things alone and your man is content sitting and watching football all day or zoned out from his edible usage.

So, I am still looking. . .

P.S. I feel like my high libido is a curse.

Is there anything in between? It feels like on DCUM men are lumped into two categories: ultra-intense, 80 hour a week biglaw/lobbying/consulting/surgeon types who bring home $1million+ at the peak of their careers OR dudes who live in their parents' basement smoking weed and maybe make a few bucks walking dogs on the side. Is there any room for the government attorney making $120k with a decent work/life balance? Or the family medicine doctor who can leave work at 4:30 to pick up his kids?

Are we that incapable of seeing any nuance in this situation?

Of course there is a middle ground! But people in that situation are unlikely to post in these threads because it sounds like bragging: "my DH is smart and ambitious but is still a good father and husband. Instead of aiming for that 1 mil job he aims for the 250k job or 500k or even the 750k job that comes with less hours."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a woman, I am smart, high libido, and ambitious. Reasonably successful salary according to DCUM standards. Yes, I want a man that can match my drive. It's hard doing things alone and your man is content sitting and watching football all day or zoned out from his edible usage.

So, I am still looking. . .

P.S. I feel like my high libido is a curse.

Is there anything in between? It feels like on DCUM men are lumped into two categories: ultra-intense, 80 hour a week biglaw/lobbying/consulting/surgeon types who bring home $1million+ at the peak of their careers OR dudes who live in their parents' basement smoking weed and maybe make a few bucks walking dogs on the side. Is there any room for the government attorney making $120k with a decent work/life balance? Or the family medicine doctor who can leave work at 4:30 to pick up his kids?

Are we that incapable of seeing any nuance in this situation?

I married that guy! I used to think that he was not smart or ambitious enough and now I realize how great he is.

It’s called growing up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a woman, I am smart, high libido, and ambitious. Reasonably successful salary according to DCUM standards. Yes, I want a man that can match my drive. It's hard doing things alone and your man is content sitting and watching football all day or zoned out from his edible usage.

So, I am still looking. . .

P.S. I feel like my high libido is a curse.

Is there anything in between? It feels like on DCUM men are lumped into two categories: ultra-intense, 80 hour a week biglaw/lobbying/consulting/surgeon types who bring home $1million+ at the peak of their careers OR dudes who live in their parents' basement smoking weed and maybe make a few bucks walking dogs on the side. Is there any room for the government attorney making $120k with a decent work/life balance? Or the family medicine doctor who can leave work at 4:30 to pick up his kids?

Are we that incapable of seeing any nuance in this situation?

Of course there is a middle ground! But people in that situation are unlikely to post in these threads because it sounds like bragging: "my DH is smart and ambitious but is still a good father and husband. Instead of aiming for that 1 mil job he aims for the 250k job or 500k or even the 750k job that comes with less hours."

You’re sort of proving my point though...you’re defining the “middle ground” as an income of 250k to 750k. That’s ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a woman, I am smart, high libido, and ambitious. Reasonably successful salary according to DCUM standards. Yes, I want a man that can match my drive. It's hard doing things alone and your man is content sitting and watching football all day or zoned out from his edible usage.

So, I am still looking. . .

P.S. I feel like my high libido is a curse.

Is there anything in between? It feels like on DCUM men are lumped into two categories: ultra-intense, 80 hour a week biglaw/lobbying/consulting/surgeon types who bring home $1million+ at the peak of their careers OR dudes who live in their parents' basement smoking weed and maybe make a few bucks walking dogs on the side. Is there any room for the government attorney making $120k with a decent work/life balance? Or the family medicine doctor who can leave work at 4:30 to pick up his kids?

Are we that incapable of seeing any nuance in this situation?

I married that guy! I used to think that he was not smart or ambitious enough and now I realize how great he is.

It’s called growing up!

Me too! These threads are ridiculous...DH is a government attorney making $100k and working a very normal 40 hour work week. We have time for our family, parents, and vacations without crazy juggling. These threads make it seem like people like him are one notch away from unemployed neckbeards living with their parents at 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married a smart and ambitious man.

I wish I'd married a man who valued family and was interested in monogamy.

THIS! I married a very ambitious man. He is never around and has cheated on me. We have a shit ton of money but I'm lonely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a woman, I am smart, high libido, and ambitious. Reasonably successful salary according to DCUM standards. Yes, I want a man that can match my drive. It's hard doing things alone and your man is content sitting and watching football all day or zoned out from his edible usage.

So, I am still looking. . .

P.S. I feel like my high libido is a curse.

Is there anything in between? It feels like on DCUM men are lumped into two categories: ultra-intense, 80 hour a week biglaw/lobbying/consulting/surgeon types who bring home $1million+ at the peak of their careers OR dudes who live in their parents' basement smoking weed and maybe make a few bucks walking dogs on the side. Is there any room for the government attorney making $120k with a decent work/life balance? Or the family medicine doctor who can leave work at 4:30 to pick up his kids?

Are we that incapable of seeing any nuance in this situation?

I am the OP who wrote that. Yes, we do see the many shades of life. I am African American, so I have dated tons of guys in different situations. It makes life a lot easier if the person is pulling in the same direction that you are.

[Anonymous]

I married a smart and ambitious man. He thinks “content” is a dirty word that equals laziness. He has no idea how to relax or be happy or appreciative of what he has. It’s always about what’s next. He is exhausting and demoralizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not this again.

+1

+ a jillion

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]As a woman, I am smart, high libido, and ambitious. Reasonably successful salary according to DCUM standards. Yes, I want a man that can match my drive. It's hard doing things alone and your man is content sitting and watching football all day or zoned out from his edible usage.

So, I am still looking. . .

P.S. I feel like my high libido is a curse.[/quote]

I hate to break it to you, but....

Smart, ambitious men spend just as much time sitting on their butts watching football, if not more.

My DH is very smart and ambitious. Advanced degrees, climbing the corporate ladder very quickly, younger than most of the people underneath him at work, higher salary than almost all of our friends. Yet he spends more time watching tv and screwing around on his phone than anyone I’ve known. The excuse is that he’s tired, needs to unwind, and works so hard at the office that he shouldn’t have to do anything at all the rest of the time.

Same with a lot of men in our peer group. At social gatherings, the guys are all on their phones. Same thing at church. Heck, I was at the grocery store and saw a mom trying to wrangle her kids and shop while dad just watched some sports game on his phone and ignored them. I’ve never seen a group of people so addicted to screens as men over the age of 30.

[Anonymous]

This thread won't die. I wonder why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a woman, I am smart, high libido, and ambitious. Reasonably successful salary according to DCUM standards. Yes, I want a man that can match my drive. It's hard doing things alone and your man is content sitting and watching football all day or zoned out from his edible usage.

So, I am still looking. . .

P.S. I feel like my high libido is a curse.

Is there anything in between? It feels like on DCUM men are lumped into two categories: ultra-intense, 80 hour a week biglaw/lobbying/consulting/surgeon types who bring home $1million+ at the peak of their careers OR dudes who live in their parents' basement smoking weed and maybe make a few bucks walking dogs on the side. Is there any room for the government attorney making $120k with a decent work/life balance? Or the family medicine doctor who can leave work at 4:30 to pick up his kids?

Are we that incapable of seeing any nuance in this situation?

I married that guy! I used to think that he was not smart or ambitious enough and now I realize how great he is.

It’s called growing up!

Me too! These threads are ridiculous...DH is a government attorney making $100k and working a very normal 40 hour work week. We have time for our family, parents, and vacations without crazy juggling. These threads make it seem like people like him are one notch away from unemployed neckbeards living with their parents at 40.

+1 My DH is a government attorney and prioritizes a work-life balance. PP who talked about the DH who works less hours for 750k or 250k is living in a bubble. My DH makes about 125k; he’s very smart and loves his work and I would never want him to switch to a big firm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a woman, I am smart, high libido, and ambitious. Reasonably successful salary according to DCUM standards. Yes, I want a man that can match my drive. It's hard doing things alone and your man is content sitting and watching football all day or zoned out from his edible usage.

So, I am still looking. . .

P.S. I feel like my high libido is a curse.

Is there anything in between? It feels like on DCUM men are lumped into two categories: ultra-intense, 80 hour a week biglaw/lobbying/consulting/surgeon types who bring home $1million+ at the peak of their careers OR dudes who live in their parents' basement smoking weed and maybe make a few bucks walking dogs on the side. Is there any room for the government attorney making $120k with a decent work/life balance? Or the family medicine doctor who can leave work at 4:30 to pick up his kids?

Are we that incapable of seeing any nuance in this situation?

When our kids were at home DH would leave for work at 7am dropping my youngest off at the bus stop and get home around 7pm or a bit later. When he was home he rarely did business work and that includes weekends. He was very successful and he made it all work. The people who worked for him always appreciated his work life balance because it affected their lives. Within our group of friends there were other men who did the same thing.

WTF? 7am bus stop? That’s must have been a high schooler.

And in what world is 7pm work life ‘balance’ — I assume you SAH b/c otherwise you would not have been fooled by his gaslighting. I’m sure his employees loved working 10+ days, haha did they tell you this or was that his story?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a woman, I am smart, high libido, and ambitious. Reasonably successful salary according to DCUM standards. Yes, I want a man that can match my drive. It's hard doing things alone and your man is content sitting and watching football all day or zoned out from his edible usage.

So, I am still looking. . .

P.S. I feel like my high libido is a curse.

Is there anything in between? It feels like on DCUM men are lumped into two categories: ultra-intense, 80 hour a week biglaw/lobbying/consulting/surgeon types who bring home $1million+ at the peak of their careers OR dudes who live in their parents' basement smoking weed and maybe make a few bucks walking dogs on the side. Is there any room for the government attorney making $120k with a decent work/life balance? Or the family medicine doctor who can leave work at 4:30 to pick up his kids?

Are we that incapable of seeing any nuance in this situation?

Everything here. That is no work/life balance at all.

When our kids were at home DH would leave for work at 7am dropping my youngest off at the bus stop and get home around 7pm or a bit later. When he was home he rarely did business work and that includes weekends. He was very successful and he made it all work. The people who worked for him always appreciated his work life balance because it affected their lives. Within our group of friends there were other men who did the same thing.

WTF? 7am bus stop? That’s must have been a high schooler.

And in what world is 7pm work life ‘balance’ — I assume you SAH b/c otherwise you would not have been fooled by his gaslighting. I’m sure his employees loved working 10+ days, haha did they tell you this or was that his story?