My mom told 5yr old being gay is wrong.

[Anonymous]

I would actually limit contact, and tell him Grandma thinks and says things you don't agree with. Add in that of course boys can marry boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, letting her come and visit every 6 weeks is not "limiting contact".

Second, I wouldn't let a religious nutcase spend time alone with one of my kids no matter who they were.

As for what to do, I'd tell him the truth - that your mother's brain doesn't work properly and she believes strange things and it's best to not ask her questions anymore and to not believe what she says.

All of this.

Yes to all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Half our country feels this way. I think you could use this as an opportunity to talk about your family values and how to engage with people who believe different things than you do.

This is inaccurate- only about a third of Americans believe that gay marriage is wrong, and more and more bigots are dying off every day.

Ok, One third not one half. You are totally wrong, if you don’t think that bigotry and prejudice will die off in this country. We need to learn how to engage with people with whom we don’t agree. This kind of attitude is what is creating deeper divisions and our country. I don’t think it’s healthy to tell a kid their grandmother is a nut job.

65 years ago we thought blacks and whites should go to different schools. Sometimes other people have bad values and are wrong. Really.

[Anonymous]

Dear OP,
Whatever you decide to tell your child, don't cut off contact.
I'm guessing you grew up with your mother and turned out ok.
If you are in the room, will your mother bring up the subject?

[Anonymous]

What did you expect, OP? That every relative will agree with on ALL points?

Tell you child that his grandma is wrong on that one, and not to worry about it.

And try not to have those conversations. I get along with my family, but that's because we don't go into social issues. They are racist against other ethnicities and homophobic (some of them are not white).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Focus on the facts...it is legally possible for boys and girls to grow up and marry each other. Some people believe it’s wrong because of religion.

This. It’s factual, neutral, and age-appropriate.

This is a good start but it doesn’t go far enough. The 5yo needs to also hesr thst there is nothing wrong with being gay but there is something terribly wrong wiht bigotry and homophobia.

We are Christians and I will not use value-neutral language about this. Being gay is fine. Being homophobic is not.

My 5 yo’s eyes would begin to glaze over if I launched into a tirade on bigotry.

“Some men love men, some men love women, some men love both men and women. Some people, like grandma, believe it’s only OK for men to love women. I disagree with grandma, but she’s grandma, and we love her.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Half our country feels this way. I think you could use this as an opportunity to talk about your family values and how to engage with people who believe different things than you do.

This is inaccurate- only about a third of Americans believe that gay marriage is wrong, and more and more bigots are dying off every day.

Ok, One third not one half. You are totally wrong, if you don’t think that bigotry and prejudice will die off in this country. We need to learn how to engage with people with whom we don’t agree. This kind of attitude is what is creating deeper divisions and our country. I don’t think it’s healthy to tell a kid their grandmother is a nut job.

I am trying to imagine the mental gymnastics required to come to this conclusion: "By not accepting my bigotry, you are creating deeper divisions in our country!"

Congratulations, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What did you expect, OP? That every relative will agree with on ALL points?

Tell you child that his grandma is wrong on that one, and not to worry about it.

And try not to have those conversations. I get along with my family, but that's because we don't go into social issues. They are racist against other ethnicities and homophobic (some of them are not white).

OP didn't have the conversation, her mother did. You can't possibly expect OP to "not have these conversations" when her mother is spreading values she finds hateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What did you expect, OP? That every relative will agree with on ALL points?

Tell you child that his grandma is wrong on that one, and not to worry about it.

And try not to have those conversations. I get along with my family, but that's because we don't go into social issues. They are racist against other ethnicities and homophobic (some of them are not white).

All this does is teach your kids that you prioritize being polite or keeping the peace over standing up for what’s right. And that these views can’t be “that bad.” I grew up like this. My racist bigot of an uncle warped his kids thinking and now that Trump is President he has gone off the rails because he thinks these views are mainstream acceptable now. It’s torn our family apart, all because no one ever wanted to rock the boat.

[Anonymous]

I would say something along the lines of:

"I heard you and grandma were talking about boys marrying other boys. I know grandma told you that it was wrong and not allowed, but I just thought you should know that not everyone believes that. Many people, like me and your dad (or whoever), believe that is perfectly fine. And actually, in our country and a lot of others, it is allowed."

[Anonymous]

A quick “No, Grandma was wrong and you were right” would have sufficed.

[Anonymous]

A visit every 6-8 weeks is not limited contact, especially if she's seeing your child when you are not present.

[Anonymous]

We are Christians and I will not use value-neutral language about this. Being gay is fine. Being homophobic is not.

This X100.

If grandma told your 5 year old that white people should own black people you wouldn't chalk this up to a disagreement on values. If grandma told your 5 year old that women and girls should always obey men and boys you wouldn't chalk this up to different values. What if grandma told your 5 year old that the Holocaust was a hoax made up by Jewish people who are not good people? Would you be value neutral about this because there are people on the far right that believe this?

I agree with others that this incident warrants a discussion no bigotry not religion. The religions don't create the bigots. Its the bigots who hijack religions to disguise and rationalize their hate. Big difference.

I would tell him that what grandma said was very hateful and mean. Sadly, people are not always nice to others. I would also start scaling way back on the visits every few weeks.

[Anonymous]

What would you do if your mom said being Jewish was wrong? Or being black was wrong? Tell her to keep her opinions to herself or no more time alone with DS.

[Anonymous]

My Muslim parents would probably say the same thing if they heard that. Some people let religion dictate their beliefs and nothings going to change that. It doesn't mean I can't let kids ever have a relationship with them. I myself am Atheist now and moderate towards left leaning, so I'm not going to stress about their ignorance.