My mom told 5yr old being gay is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Half our country feels this way. I think you could use this as an opportunity to talk about your family values and how to engage with people who believe different things than you do.

This is inaccurate- only about a third of Americans believe that gay marriage is wrong, and more and more bigots are dying off every day.

[Anonymous]

Please include, in speaking with your son, that not all religious people believe being gay is wrong. There are even openly gay people who are Christians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Focus on the facts...it is legally possible for boys and girls to grow up and marry each other. Some people believe it’s wrong because of religion.

This. It’s factual, neutral, and age-appropriate.

This is a good start but it doesn’t go far enough. The 5yo needs to also hesr thst there is nothing wrong with being gay but there is something terribly wrong wiht bigotry and homophobia.

We are Christians and I will not use value-neutral language about this. Being gay is fine. Being homophobic is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Focus on the facts...it is legally possible for boys and girls to grow up and marry each other. Some people believe it’s wrong because of religion.

This. It’s factual, neutral, and age-appropriate.

This is a good start but it doesn’t go far enough. The 5yo needs to also hesr thst there is nothing wrong with being gay but there is something terribly wrong wiht bigotry and homophobia.

We are Christians and I will not use value-neutral language about this. Being gay is fine. Being homophobic is not.

+1. There is no “both sides” here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Focus on the facts...it is legally possible for boys and girls to grow up and marry each other. Some people believe it’s wrong because of religion.

My mom is a nutjob but we also have some extended family in same sex relationships (actually the longest relationship is 25 years and counting, everyone else divorced long before that). So they see for themself that same-sex families can and do love each other and raise families.

For other things like evolution, we visit museums and watch lots of documentaries. So when grandma talks about god creating the earth in a week they already have seen the bones for themselves.

With regard to religion in general, we talk about the limits of what science can tell us and how people like to fill in the rest with stories and how those stories grow over time.

My kids are 4 and 8 and we’ve been doing this since the beginning.

We go along these lines as well.

[Anonymous]

It's a good time to introduce the idea that different people have different values, and that you and your partner believe that its a good thing gay people can get married, but some people like grandma disagree. Values discussions can be difficult because they raise more questions than they answer, but its time to start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother is extremely conservative. But more than that she’s very uneducated. Does not even believe in the word evolution. We limit contact, but she does come visit once every 6-8weeks. I have no idea how the conversation came up but apparently he said “did you know boys can marry boys.” My mom took it upon herself to tell her this is not true and that gay people are sick and we need to pray for them. I’m furious, my son is now very confused and my mom thinks she’s done nothing wrong. She just says “he has to know the truth, I’m not going to lie to him.”

Please help me fix this?

So, you knew that your mother is a nasty bigot and then you left your children around her unsupervised where she could indoctrinate them. This is no one’s fault but yours. The way to fix this is to stop being spineless and confront her, followed by not leaving her alone with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the other hand, it's also bad to tell him that your mom's views are wrong just because you disagree with her.

Not really. It is important to tell our children the truth. Grandma doesn’t have valid opinions. There’s no need to pretend otherwise or indulge intolerance in the fantasy that all opinions carry equal weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On the other hand, it's also bad to tell him that your mom's views are wrong just because you disagree with her.

Not really. It is important to tell our children the truth. Grandma doesn’t have valid opinions. There’s no need to pretend otherwise or indulge intolerance in the fantasy that all opinions carry equal weight.

Right. I refuse to include bigotry, hatred, and ignorance in my column of valid opinions so yeah, I would say flat out grandma is wrong and her views are hurtful.

[Anonymous]

I remember going through many of these sort of conversations. Our way of dealing from a young age was to explain that people have different views and why we believe as we do. We also explained how our beliefs and our way of looking at the world shapes the way we treat people and the way we will view their choices and decisions as they grow up. And, while allowing for the fact that people can believe what they want, we hope our kids don’t choose to be bigots. We also make clear that no matter what your beliefs are, you have to be respectful to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Focus on the facts...it is legally possible for boys and girls to grow up and marry each other. Some people believe it’s wrong because of religion.

This. It’s factual, neutral, and age-appropriate.

This is a good start but it doesn’t go far enough. The 5yo needs to also hesr thst there is nothing wrong with being gay but there is something terribly wrong wiht bigotry and homophobia.

We are Christians and I will not use value-neutral language about this. Being gay is fine. Being homophobic is not.

+1. There is no “both sides” here.

+100. That people try to cast "both sides" on bigotry is why we as a country have not eradicated it, just let it stay hidden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell him Grandma is nuts and obviously boys can marry boys.

Yes, because everyone who disagrees with you is nuts.

Do you ever wonder why there's so much discord in our world?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, letting her come and visit every 6 weeks is not "limiting contact".

Second, I wouldn't let a religious nutcase spend time alone with one of my kids no matter who they were.

As for what to do, I'd tell him the truth - that your mother's brain doesn't work properly and she believes strange things and it's best to not ask her questions anymore and to not believe what she says.

All of this.

Amen to this. Protect your kids from the crazy, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell him Grandma is nuts and obviously boys can marry boys.

Yes, because everyone who disagrees with you is nuts.

Do you ever wonder why there's so much discord in our world?

I agree, I wouldn't say nuts. That implies that she has no control over her mind, and denigrates people with real mental illness.

Rather, I'd say she was a bigot, the product of a different time when discrimination based on sexual orientation was acceptable, and even though the laws have moved on from that time, lots of people, like grandma, still think that way.

That approach has the benefit of being completely, 100% accurate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Half our country feels this way. I think you could use this as an opportunity to talk about your family values and how to engage with people who believe different things than you do.

This is inaccurate- only about a third of Americans believe that gay marriage is wrong, and more and more bigots are dying off every day.

Ok, One third not one half. You are totally wrong, if you don’t think that bigotry and prejudice will die off in this country. We need to learn how to engage with people with whom we don’t agree. This kind of attitude is what is creating deeper divisions and our country. I don’t think it’s healthy to tell a kid their grandmother is a nut job.