Started my PHD and parents think I’m making a mistake
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Anonymous
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This is part and parcel of detaching from your parents, OP. Children do this at various ages, you seem to be doing it on the late side. Your parents will never agree with all your decisions. Tell them that. They have to accept that you will forge your own path. My husband had to become a doctor before his parents accepted his interest in research, not practice. He went back to the lab to get a PhD. My mother was bitterly disappointed I went into science, a field she had no exposure to, and not humanities. She also told me I had made the biggest mistake of my life marrying my husband. Lovely woman all around. We all disappoint our parents. However, don't let this cloud the underlying concern for your wellbeing. My advice is to imagine where you want to be in 10 and 20 years, and work your way backwards. |
Anonymous
Yes! THIS! Because I doubt it was after 2003! You literally cannot get a job in this field anymore because they are filled and NO ONE RETIRES OR LEAVES! |
Anonymous
LOL I have a PhD in high energy physics and could not get an academic job. The competition was fierce, like 400 post docs applying for a tenure track position. |
Anonymous
DH and I both have PhDs in physics...and my parents (immigrants) were not happy when I decided to go to grad school. To me, the questions of whether it's a sensible choice and whether your parents support your decisions are separate and unrelated. If your parents are putting themselves in any financial hardship to supplement your stipend, then you need to stop accepting help from them...no matter how much they want to give it. In my case, the problem wasn't helping me financially...it was just a lack of understanding of what I was doing and why. The funny thing is that some of their concerns were valid, and if they had been presented more constructively and less absolutely it would have been helpful information to consider. I would almost certainly still have pursued my PhD, but some of their concerns about future options were valid. As it turns out, I left academia...several reasons, but one was just not being able to see myself living the rest of my professional life as the only woman in the room. I was actually one of the only women in my subfield, so this would have been difficult to avoid. Nowadays, I make a very nice living in the private sector with a flexible job...but I'm still almost always the only woman in the room. So who's to say what was the "right" decision. My point is that your parents are probably well-meaning, and some of their concerns are valid. Life is really, really tough for an academic without tenure. Even in a STEM field. It's insanely difficult in the humanities and social sciences, but some people succeed in that route (though you have to be very willing to move anywhere and slog through a lot of uncertainty during your prime childbearing years). But there are a wide array of career opportunities for smart, motivated, high-performing people...it's wise to consider them and plan for contingencies as early as possible. At the end of the day, even though I could certainly have my current job without my PhD, but IMHO it makes me better at what I do and opens certain doors for me. More importantly, for me, it was a life-defining project/adventure to embark on. I would be the person I am if I hadn't pursued my passion and interests...and I think I would always have had regret/nostalgia if I hadn't. Not everyone is like this. One of my closest friends from grad school left after two years. He's had an amazing and fulfilling career so far, with all indications that even cooler things are ahead for him. It was absolutely the right decision for him. Only you know yourself...but see if you can find a place to consider your parents concerns objectively and also truly evaluate your motivations and realistically evaluate your long-term prospects. |
Anonymous
Uninformed |
Anonymous
| 22:38 "I would NOT be the person..." |
Anonymous
Amen. And once you're no longer fresh-on-the-market newly-minted PhD (and have failed to make it into the pool of 6-7 "hot" sought-after candidates that year, who get every single interview posted and have 3-4 offers to choose from), you may as well be dead to these schools the following year. Your academic tenure-track ship has sailed and it's off to adjunct living for you! Good luck! |
Anonymous
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Do a phd if you love the field so much and are willing to work without pay, or little pay, for a long long time (like in the next decade).
First, pay for yourself. |
Anonymous
22:38 above, and this is the succinct way to put it. I don't know if it was a good financial decision (probably it wasn't). But I would feel incomplete if I hadn't pursued it. Now that I have the financial means to do so, I probably would have paid to study and research the stuff I did (ironically, some people do pay through the nose for a watered down version of it). |
Anonymous
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I think if you were old enough and mature enough and confident enough in your choices to commit to getting a PhD, you would have one polite discussion with your parents about this, out of respect for them. You would hear out their concerns, explain your logic without being defensive, and call it a day. And after that, you would mentally put them on mute and gently change the subject when they brought it up.
The fact you care this much about your parents approval of your decision to get a degree you believe they don’t understsand says you aren’t mature enough to make the decision in the first place, or that deep down believe they are right. |
Anonymous
How did you fund it? That really is the question. |
Anonymous
How many jobs are out there that are not professorships? You don’t need too many phds to replace the outing professors each year. A cousin got her phd is anthropology and says there are 30 graduates for each potential job. I suspect the OPs major is similar. |
Anonymous
I will instantly think less of you if you get a PhD in "women's rights" or something similarly useless |
Anonymous
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Getting a PhD in anything but business or a hard science (with the expectation that you will work in a research institute like NIH) is fully irrational. Yes, you might be one of the lucky few, but much more likely you will waste years of your life only to never make a living at this.
Go do something else. - Someone who started a social sciences PhD and dropped out after the MA stage to get a job I love. Most of my cohort does not have a job (and this is a top 10 program). |
Anonymous
It's funny that a thread about considering a gender studies PhD is rightfully considered a troll post |