I don't understand parents who are flashy with their wealth but send their kids to public school

[Anonymous]

Teachers in private school earn less. I'm independently wealthy and chose to send my child to his excellent public school. Its not always that the private school is better.

[Anonymous]

Wow OP you really touched a nerve with all the public school parents who still want to be perceived as wealthy. This thread is funny.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are in a crazy bubble. I *wish* I was you.

Truth is I could afford to send both my kids to private school and keep our large house, full time nanny (I WOHM but that is irrelevant here) and nice cars. Truth is I tried to, but my child has special needs and no private school will accept or keep him. My only choice where I live is public school or homeschooling. Among those choices I choose public school because I get better services than I could buy and he gets social exposure. Even with that it's really really hard.

What you don't get is that I spend a lot of money on services for my child with private therapists, psychiatrists and other things.

I know you are thinking "oh no, I'm not talking about your special disabled child, I am thinking about all those kids that I see running around that look normal." But the truth is that few kids are disabled enough that they appear physically compromised on first sight and at every moment have dramatically abnormal behavior. Being an SN parent I can tell you that the vast majority of SN kids even if they need *a lot* of help to get through school and life as a whole actually seem totally fine if you see them on the street, in a shop, at a birthday party, because you are not seeing the places and times where they fail.

Honestly, you suck. If only my problems were being judgmental about blond women with fancier cars than you that you feel superior to because you perceive you have better priorities than they do. It's not like my life is so bad, yes I am wealthy and successful and my child will survive, so I am grateful for all of that. But the idea that you are judging me too (although I am not blond and carry a Tumi briefcase, not a YSL handbag) is really just over the top. Can't you find something else to keep you busy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP you really touched a nerve with all the public school parents who still want to be perceived as wealthy. This thread is funny.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in N. Arlington and frankly there are a lot of moms of a certain type: they all have YSL logo handbags, huge diamond rings and other expensive jewelry, often blonde hair, expensive clothing, etc. And they all send their kids to public school.

The thing that I find weird is not just that they spend a lot of money on things other than tuition (private school is crazy expensive, and I understand the choice to go public) but that they seem to spend money on things that make them LOOK wealthy but they are obviously not that wealthy since their kids go public. I see a lot of expensive handbags at my kids' private school, but they are almost always Celine or Tod's or Ferragamo or other less flashy brands than a YSL logo, and plenty of the richest families drive a minivan (so practical, no matter how lame) whereas these public school moms in N. Arlington are so often in flashier luxury cars.

I'm trying hard not be judgmental, but I just don't understand the culture of being really flashy with money (I mean, I don't like YSL handbags for that reason to begin with) and I especially don't understand it among people who send their kids to public school.

I'm sure I hit a lot of buttons with this post, I'm just wondering if anyone else has observed what I have.

Logic isn't your first language, is it?

+1 And OP is not too adept at math either. No YSL handbag, no matter how expensive, costs anywhere in the same universe as private school tuition (let alone times 12 years of private school tuition for two kids.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP you really touched a nerve with all the public school parents who still want to be perceived as wealthy. This thread is funny.

+1

Here come the new money private school parents who think anything you pay for is always better. You'll learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP you really touched a nerve with all the public school parents who still want to be perceived as wealthy. This thread is funny.

+1

Here come the new money private school parents who think anything you pay for is always better. You'll learn.

+1 haha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your premise is wrong. There are plenty of wealthy families who PREFER public school over private school.

I am a product of excellent European private schools. Today, none of the still-excellent schools I went to are nearly as expensive as the DC area privates. I simply do not want to give money to the latter, which will go to luxurious facilities, athletics, administrators pockets, maintenance of those acres of pristine environmentally-unfriendly lawns and unnecessary tech in every classroom... when private school teachers are really not great because they are paid less than public school teachers. It's very easy to have good academic results when you select at entry. If the money went to excellent teachers, I would reconsider. But it doesn't, and it never will in this country.

Our kids have been in public and private in this area and the teachers at the high end private have overall been WAY better educators (many have PhDs in their subjects and are passionate about the kids and way more focused on thoughtful classroom discussion/critical thinking skills) than the public school teachers at the high school level - the public school teachers are burned out from huge classrooms and disruptive students and teaching to the SOL etc. Our kids complained they often discourage discussion. While I agree that teachers in public are paid more and have better benefits overall, that doesn't make them better as teachers at all. Also, a lot of that fancy stuff you mention at privates is actually paid for by the wealthiest families/alums through fundraising/capital campaigns. Your logic is flawed. However, I agree that to each his/her own. Public can be awesome for some kids, while private is
better for others.

THIS. +1000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand parents who send their kids to private school. I mean, the public schools around here are really good, so shouldn't they save their money for college? I'm trying really hard not to be judgmental here, but I think these parents are stupid, and their poor choices with money (meaning, not choices I would make) are hard to understand....

They like the brag factor. I don't get it.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I clearly did touch a nerve. Predictably I suppose.

I want to clarify that what I find odd is not that there are SOME wealthy families who send their kids to public school, but that there’s a particular obsession at some public schools with being flashy. YSL handbags are like the least expensive designer handbags you can buy - but people buy them in part because they scream “I’m expensive” even to those who know nothing about handbags. And I guess I don’t understand that mentality - wanting to look expensive to strangers - when MOST of those women are not super wealthy. And most wealthy women I know don’t carry an entry-level YSL logo handbag.

Anyway, i don’t really understand what it is I’m getting at, but this thread is helping me realize it’s less about school choice and more about displays of wealth and their meaning that I find confusing, and interesting, particularly in certain subcultures (where half the moms carry the same handbag).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does everyone realize that teachers that work in private school don't even need to be certified and make less money? Most are trying hard to get into public schools to make more money but they aren't getting selected. Private schools aren't better- just good at keeping the kids you don't want your kids to go to school with out.

True - they don't need to be certified by the gazillion schools that offer certification. Instead they often have advanced degrees from quality schools, and are happy to trade a modest amount of income for other perks and benefits of teaching at a private school.

This and often they stay because they want their own children to attend, often at a reduced rate. Fact is kids from educated families tend to have great outcomes at either public or private (aside from some of those like 1 of our kids who is SN and better served by smaller classes/more discussion at private he attends). DH and I are products of a variety of public, parochial and privates and sent our kids to public - it was in HS that 1 needed private. All could have benefited from private but $45K per year per kid is beyond our pay grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I clearly did touch a nerve. Predictably I suppose.

I want to clarify that what I find odd is not that there are SOME wealthy families who send their kids to public school, but that there’s a particular obsession at some public schools with being flashy. YSL handbags are like the least expensive designer handbags you can buy - but people buy them in part because they scream “I’m expensive” even to those who know nothing about handbags. And I guess I don’t understand that mentality - wanting to look expensive to strangers - when MOST of those women are not super wealthy. And most wealthy women I know don’t carry an entry-level YSL logo handbag.

Anyway, i don’t really understand what it is I’m getting at, but this thread is helping me realize it’s less about school choice and more about displays of wealth and their meaning that I find confusing, and interesting, particularly in certain subcultures (where half the moms carry the same handbag).

I don't understand what it is you don't understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are in a crazy bubble. I *wish* I was you.

Truth is I could afford to send both my kids to private school and keep our large house, full time nanny (I WOHM but that is irrelevant here) and nice cars. Truth is I tried to, but my child has special needs and no private school will accept or keep him. My only choice where I live is public school or homeschooling. Among those choices I choose public school because I get better services than I could buy and he gets social exposure. Even with that it's really really hard.

What you don't get is that I spend a lot of money on services for my child with private therapists, psychiatrists and other things.

I know you are thinking "oh no, I'm not talking about your special disabled child, I am thinking about all those kids that I see running around that look normal." But the truth is that few kids are disabled enough that they appear physically compromised on first sight and at every moment have dramatically abnormal behavior. Being an SN parent I can tell you that the vast majority of SN kids even if they need *a lot* of help to get through school and life as a whole actually seem totally fine if you see them on the street, in a shop, at a birthday party, because you are not seeing the places and times where they fail.

Honestly, you suck. If only my problems were being judgmental about blond women with fancier cars than you that you feel superior to because you perceive you have better priorities than they do. It's not like my life is so bad, yes I am wealthy and successful and my child will survive, so I am grateful for all of that. But the idea that you are judging me too (although I am not blond and carry a Tumi briefcase, not a YSL handbag) is really just over the top. Can't you find something else to keep you busy?

I am not the OP, but I just wanted to say that our situation has been the exact opposite. However, as a fellow parent of a child with SNs, I am totally ecstatic for you that your child's needs are getting met. Wherever you can get a good fit, man, got for it. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case with us, though. My daughter was falling through the cracks at both a Catholic school and then at a FCPS. Because she worked like a DOG and became I worked a lot with her, she was appearing to do well, but she really has dyslexia. (We eventually paid to have her privately tested.) It would only get worse and worse as she got older and school got more complicated, so we wanted this to be addressed before this happened. But neither school would (Catholic, because they don't have the resources; FCPS, because. . .? I don't know? They have bigger fish to fry? I just don't know) do anything. So, rather than wait to let her fail, we had to pull her out and put her in a private school that is specifically designed to remediate dyslexia. She is improving by leaps and bounds but nothing we could do could convince them to remediate her, unless we went through years and years of failure, maybe even lawsuits, etc. My child doesn't have that long. You're only in 3rd grade one time. So, again, truly I get it: if public school is doing super well for your son, I am so happy for you and for your son and I know both our kids will do well eventually. It's just hard in the "now," sometimes, isn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Yes, I'm being so judgmental! And I feel guilty about it. But, I just don't understand it. It's the FLASHY part I don't get.

I get you, OP.

We're in NC now, and our kids go to Title I schools. My guess is that the number of families in these schools making DCUM $$$ is tiny, but there is a substantial contingent who all look like they mainline Pinterest boards (keyword "trophy wife"). About 2/3 of the PTA moms fit this profile; at least half of them work outside the home, so it's not a SAHM/WOHM thing. They are generally younger than I am (early 30s, probably), all white, and tend to talk to you like a hostess at a gala where you are not a known quantity (perfectly polite if you have a question, but constantly looking for a friend over your shoulder).

I assume it's part of a role they are playing that makes them feel competent, in charge, and in the center of things. I think parts of it are shallow and rude, but I also know for some people, it's armor.

[Anonymous]

Similar question for the group: Why do all of the parents who pay over half a million on their kids private education send their kids to state schools? I'm amazed that so many privately schooled kids go to UVA, VT and UMD. (not that those aren't good schools, but it's kind of weird that some families paid a ton of money and others nothing more than their taxes and the end result is the same.... Same applies to private universities- the end result is the same but some families paid a ton to get there.