"My observation is that the kids in my son's high school landed where they should."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My super stat DD is at our state flagship honors college. There's no doubt that if we had been full pay she would be somewhere else - first she could have applied ED at her top choice and we also could have applied some places we didn't - think top 20-30 - and some of the rejections and waitlists likely would have fallen the other way. I can tell by the admits from the public HS she attended - there's no doubt. Frankly, the data shows that she would have been much better off being a star athlete that a star academic.

It breaks my heart a little bit as she earned it I just couldn't afford it. And in the life the social connections of those schools to which she was not admitted will matter but I also believe in my daughter and that she will bloom where she is planted. And I think she will be alot less cuddled so in early 20's when she is starting her career she will be formidable and I believe hiring managers will see that. It's a matter of getting those first interviews but as they say persistence beats resistance. And if she decides on med school well then we be grateful we didn't take out the undergraduate loans.

That said, perhaps sour grapes, but there is a certain sense of entitlement/privilege that I sense in the original poster. Full pay is a hook and ED is the filter.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My super stat DD is at our state flagship honors college. There's no doubt that if we had been full pay she would be somewhere else - first she could have applied ED at her top choice and we also could have applied some places we didn't - think top 20-30 - and some of the rejections and waitlists likely would have fallen the other way. I can tell by the admits from the public HS she attended - there's no doubt. Frankly, the data shows that she would have been much better off being a star athlete that a star academic.

It breaks my heart a little bit as she earned it I just couldn't afford it. And in the life the social connections of those schools to which she was not admitted will matter but I also believe in my daughter and that she will bloom where she is planted. And I think she will be alot less cuddled so in early 20's when she is starting her career she will be formidable and I believe hiring managers will see that. It's a matter of getting those first interviews but as they say persistence beats resistance. And if she decides on med school well then we be grateful we didn't take out the undergraduate loans.

That said, perhaps sour grapes, but there is a certain sense of entitlement/privilege that I sense in the original poster. Full pay is a hook and ED is the filter.

You know the research shows she will do just as well as if she had gone to the more expensive choice?

[Anonymous]

I have said this before on here, but one of my best HS friends was a top stats, top math and science classes - many AP classes and extraordinarily talented at arts - she got into none of her reaches or matches, only her single safety, Boston University. She transferred out after her 1st year to RISD and is now a professor in her subject. But she was considered the "cream" and she most definitely took a longer time to rise to the top and not directly.

Shit happens, and its not always predictable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never seen a rockstar kid who busted their butt all 4 years shut out from an elite college. The biggest "drop" I've seen are like rockstar kids obsessed with Harvard who end up at Cornell or Chicago.

Many kids with learning disabilities "bust their butts" for four years and won't end up at a highly ranked school. They are still rockstars...if you could just drop the elitist perspective.

[Anonymous]

Full Pay is definitely a hook==but like most privileges, it is invisible to the person benefiting from it. I saw this a lot last year. But the parents involved just think their kid was superior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Full Pay is definitely a hook==but like most privileges, it is invisible to the person benefiting from it. I saw this a lot last year. But the parents involved just think their kid was superior.

We don't talk about it but we know. Some parents do go over the line though in representing it as "it was all my kid" !

[Anonymous]

Maybe the cream rises to the top, maybe not.

My kid (who I love and think is awesome) is academically average. He went to a school that was slightly better than average. He got there because of his own averageness+ help from his parents (our involvement in his school and education at a young age and throughout high school, our ability and willingness to get him an outside tutor and SAT help, our being good role models) that I imagine many other students do not have.

I don't have the slightest doubt that there are many kids as talented as my son, but who do not have the same advantages, who will not have the same opportunities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have said this before on here, but one of my best HS friends was a top stats, top math and science classes - many AP classes and extraordinarily talented at arts - she got into none of her reaches or matches, only her single safety, Boston University. She transferred out after her 1st year to RISD and is now a professor in her subject. But she was considered the "cream" and she most definitely took a longer time to rise to the top and not directly.

Shit happens, and its not always predictable.

Your just provided an example of competitive cream rising to the top. Your friend was miserable surrounded by the lower caliber kids at BU and got out. Cream finds way to get to the top.

[Anonymous]

RISD - home of Scrotie the mascot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Full Pay is definitely a hook==but like most privileges, it is invisible to the person benefiting from it. I saw this a lot last year. But the parents involved just think their kid was superior.

Consultants keep telling me only at certain schools. Ivies it doesn't help because they can fill their school with full pay ten times over. We are a donut family but plan on full pay. Some schools like Wash U (St. Louis), Tufts, etc. look at ability to pay for bubble applicants for last few slots. One plans to ED there. Other kid plans on Duke or Yale ED. We have no other hooks but great extracurriculars. And good grades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Full Pay is definitely a hook==but like most privileges, it is invisible to the person benefiting from it. I saw this a lot last year. But the parents involved just think their kid was superior.

EXACTLY! It makes then even more obnoxious too

[Anonymous]

No sour grapes, I bet, just a notion that maybe we DMV parents all have a Lake Woebegone-style belief about our kids.

What percentage of the class do you think should get into the state flagship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No sour grapes, I bet, just a notion that maybe we DMV parents all have a Lake Woebegone-style belief about our kids.

What percentage of the class do you think should get into the state flagship?

[Anonymous]

What do all of you consider successful in life

For "American success" you have to be a bit of an jerk in order to make it in Finance, Law, Business C Suite

On the other hand if you define success as just a middle to upper middle class lifestyle it doesn't matter where you go to school

And if true success is really happiness where you went to school really has no bearing on your future. We all know the studies that say after 75k ok say 125k in DC happiness isn't correlated to income

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My super stat DD is at our state flagship honors college. There's no doubt that if we had been full pay she would be somewhere else - first she could have applied ED at her top choice and we also could have applied some places we didn't - think top 20-30 - and some of the rejections and waitlists likely would have fallen the other way. I can tell by the admits from the public HS she attended - there's no doubt. Frankly, the data shows that she would have been much better off being a star athlete that a star academic.

It breaks my heart a little bit as she earned it I just couldn't afford it. And in the life the social connections of those schools to which she was not admitted will matter but I also believe in my daughter and that she will bloom where she is planted. And I think she will be alot less cuddled so in early 20's when she is starting her career she will be formidable and I believe hiring managers will see that. It's a matter of getting those first interviews but as they say persistence beats resistance. And if she decides on med school well then we be grateful we didn't take out the undergraduate loans.

That said, perhaps sour grapes, but there is a certain sense of entitlement/privilege that I sense in the original poster. Full pay is a hook and ED is the filter.

You know the research shows she will do just as well as if she had gone to the more expensive choice?

I do and thank you for taking the time to post a supportive response. There is value to the networks of the elite colleges so I am somewhat sensitive to that having witnessed that first hand. I will say what has been the most surprising is the quality of her classmates in the honors program. There are some highly driven kids in that cohort. My take is that it is somewhat socio-economic but there are some very talented, driven students, and while they may lack the networks and the inherent confidence that comes from having that safety net of a strong family network my take alot of these kids are going to go far and will be competing for the top grad school spots. It will be interesting to see. I know at a couple of the honors programs the average stats were pretty damn impressive. And that all said I would like for my DD to have a enjoyable college experience and the rest will work itself out.

But thank you again for the kindness in your sentiment.