What are the cool kids like in your public MS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS just moved to public school after spending most of his elementary years in private. He has a new friend who has mentioned the "cool," popular kids picking on him. DS has no idea who he's talking about as he's not used to a school with so many cliques. As I haven't been in MS for decades I told him that in my MS they were the sporty, good-looking kids and it made us both curious about what is considered cool these days. Please no meanness. He came from a very small school and is socially kind of clueless.

IME, the cool kids and natural leaders do not bully. The bullies have either been bullies themselves and/or are cool kid wanna bees who are trying to assert their place in the pecking order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I teach HS, including 9th grade. Here's what I notice about "cool" kids:

They're funny but not at others' expense. They just haveba way of making that class feel like it's currently the most fun place you could possibly be. They manage to enjoy themselves and get things done while not being one of those moaners and groaners about work but also not being a grade grubber or someone who is acting like this assignment is life or death.

They do not make fun of others, they make light of situations. The kid who is always mocking other kids or is trying to be funny by being mean is loathed.

They're friendly in a genuine way. They will work just as happily with their friend as with the quiet dorky kid or the hand raiser who kind of annoys everyone.

They're pretty effortless. They're not trying to impress anyone. They just like what they like, wear what they wear and kids gravitate to them because they exude a confidence that most of the kids desperately want but don't get have. That's why they also present as leaders. They are charismatic and the kids want to be like that.

The cool kids are different from the popular kids. There's overlap for sure but the popular ones are ones who have money, an endless supply of high end clothing and accessories, nice cars, lots of freedom, are usually in some high profile sport or activity. They are followed and emulated and looked up to but kids also can be intimidated by them and won't approach. So they become kind of insulated in their little group. The cool kids interact with everyone because everyone genuinely likes them and feels at ease with them.

Is the what the kids call cool, or you think are cool? And HS is different than middle school

I am an adult. I don't think any kids are cool. I am telling you how the kids respond to other kids. There's a difference between popular and cool, this is how the kids perceive those differences and what they are. And I know HS is different than middle which is why I mentioned I teach 9th... they are JUST out of middle school at this point and still have many middle school tendencies. But this stuff holds across most grades. I also teach 11 and his is accurate for them too. To the person who had a weirdly accusatory tone about my "lens" - I work with these kids daily year in and year out. I have no dog in the fight or personal investment in this being true, but it is, year after year.

I am the PP. My experience is limited to my DD's and my own experience in the 1970's. My DD was the target of "cool kids", or kids the thought they were, in Middle School. Anything to get under her skin, including anti-Semitic drawings, sexual harassment (boy pretending to like her then said psyche). And other items. HS has been much better. 1) DD has matured enough not to care, 2) the HS kids have a better understanding of consequences, so they do not intentionally harm others as much, and 3) DD has found a place in school where she sort of fits in.

But, MS is just brutal. Unless you are at the top of the food chain, in MS you are struggling. Personally, I have no experience on being on top of the MS food chain, as I have always been a nerd. There is a reason we put MS kids in MS: we need to segregate them from society for our own protection.