What are the cool kids like in your public MS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I asked my kid and he said that doesn’t really exist in his public middle. Maybe it’s a socioeconomic thing.

Cool kids exist everywhere. Your son is blissfully unaware because he isn't one, which is not a bad thing. But yes, this exists at all schools.

[Anonymous]

I teach HS, including 9th grade. Here's what I notice about "cool" kids:

They're funny but not at others' expense. They just haveba way of making that class feel like it's currently the most fun place you could possibly be. They manage to enjoy themselves and get things done while not being one of those moaners and groaners about work but also not being a grade grubber or someone who is acting like this assignment is life or death.

They do not make fun of others, they make light of situations. The kid who is always mocking other kids or is trying to be funny by being mean is loathed.

They're friendly in a genuine way. They will work just as happily with their friend as with the quiet dorky kid or the hand raiser who kind of annoys everyone.

They're pretty effortless. They're not trying to impress anyone. They just like what they like, wear what they wear and kids gravitate to them because they exude a confidence that most of the kids desperately want but don't get have. That's why they also present as leaders. They are charismatic and the kids want to be like that.

The cool kids are different from the popular kids. There's overlap for sure but the popular ones are ones who have money, an endless supply of high end clothing and accessories, nice cars, lots of freedom, are usually in some high profile sport or activity. They are followed and emulated and looked up to but kids also can be intimidated by them and won't approach. So they become kind of insulated in their little group. The cool kids interact with everyone because everyone genuinely likes them and feels at ease with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In our FCPS middle:

The rich kids whose parents let them do whatever they want. They’re in the regular, non-advanced classes, and are looking for trouble early on.

Interesting. In our rich section of FCPS, the troublemakers are the parents who don't know when to stop.

OP, let your child be themselves, and attract like people. That is the biggest gift you can give your child knowing how to make and keep friends ON THEIR OWN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I teach HS, including 9th grade. Here's what I notice about "cool" kids:

They're funny but not at others' expense. They just haveba way of making that class feel like it's currently the most fun place you could possibly be. They manage to enjoy themselves and get things done while not being one of those moaners and groaners about work but also not being a grade grubber or someone who is acting like this assignment is life or death.

They do not make fun of others, they make light of situations. The kid who is always mocking other kids or is trying to be funny by being mean is loathed.

They're friendly in a genuine way. They will work just as happily with their friend as with the quiet dorky kid or the hand raiser who kind of annoys everyone.

They're pretty effortless. They're not trying to impress anyone. They just like what they like, wear what they wear and kids gravitate to them because they exude a confidence that most of the kids desperately want but don't get have. That's why they also present as leaders. They are charismatic and the kids want to be like that.

The cool kids are different from the popular kids. There's overlap for sure but the popular ones are ones who have money, an endless supply of high end clothing and accessories, nice cars, lots of freedom, are usually in some high profile sport or activity. They are followed and emulated and looked up to but kids also can be intimidated by them and won't approach. So they become kind of insulated in their little group. The cool kids interact with everyone because everyone genuinely likes them and feels at ease with them.

Is the what the kids call cool, or you think are cool? And HS is different than middle school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked my kid and he said that doesn’t really exist in his public middle. Maybe it’s a socioeconomic thing.

Cool kids exist everywhere. Your son is blissfully unaware because he isn't one, which is not a bad thing. But yes, this exists at all schools.

Could be. His school is mostly Hispanic and he is not, so there could be a whole culturally different definition of cool going on. There are very few jocks and no fancy clothes going on. I do think this “cool” thing is partly an artifact of wealthy suburban schools.

[Anonymous]

No idea.
When I was in high school, I had no idea either.
Our brains just don't function that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I teach HS, including 9th grade. Here's what I notice about "cool" kids:

They're funny but not at others' expense. They just haveba way of making that class feel like it's currently the most fun place you could possibly be. They manage to enjoy themselves and get things done while not being one of those moaners and groaners about work but also not being a grade grubber or someone who is acting like this assignment is life or death.

They do not make fun of others, they make light of situations. The kid who is always mocking other kids or is trying to be funny by being mean is loathed.

They're friendly in a genuine way. They will work just as happily with their friend as with the quiet dorky kid or the hand raiser who kind of annoys everyone.

They're pretty effortless. They're not trying to impress anyone. They just like what they like, wear what they wear and kids gravitate to them because they exude a confidence that most of the kids desperately want but don't get have. That's why they also present as leaders. They are charismatic and the kids want to be like that.

The cool kids are different from the popular kids. There's overlap for sure but the popular ones are ones who have money, an endless supply of high end clothing and accessories, nice cars, lots of freedom, are usually in some high profile sport or activity. They are followed and emulated and looked up to but kids also can be intimidated by them and won't approach. So they become kind of insulated in their little group. The cool kids interact with everyone because everyone genuinely likes them and feels at ease with them.

Wow, that is SOME lens you're looking through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked my kid and he said that doesn’t really exist in his public middle. Maybe it’s a socioeconomic thing.

Cool kids exist everywhere. Your son is blissfully unaware because he isn't one, which is not a bad thing. But yes, this exists at all schools.

Could be. His school is mostly Hispanic and he is not, so there could be a whole culturally different definition of cool going on. There are very few jocks and no fancy clothes going on. I do think this “cool” thing is partly an artifact of wealthy suburban schools.

Wrong.

The cool kid dynamic is anywhere there is a large group of young teens.

[Anonymous]

Cool kids are those who are acting too old for their own good. The ones who played violent video games way before they should have. The ones who have had early sexual experiences. Or who have had experiences with vaping or worse drugs or alcohol. They are often bullies.

Other kids look at them in awe and want to do what they do.

But the cool burns out, and kids like these are usually troubled. They often don’t make it very far in life.

I hope your son and his new friends get the message to look for the kind friends, and not the cool ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I teach HS, including 9th grade. Here's what I notice about "cool" kids:

They're funny but not at others' expense. They just haveba way of making that class feel like it's currently the most fun place you could possibly be. They manage to enjoy themselves and get things done while not being one of those moaners and groaners about work but also not being a grade grubber or someone who is acting like this assignment is life or death.

They do not make fun of others, they make light of situations. The kid who is always mocking other kids or is trying to be funny by being mean is loathed.

They're friendly in a genuine way. They will work just as happily with their friend as with the quiet dorky kid or the hand raiser who kind of annoys everyone.

They're pretty effortless. They're not trying to impress anyone. They just like what they like, wear what they wear and kids gravitate to them because they exude a confidence that most of the kids desperately want but don't get have. That's why they also present as leaders. They are charismatic and the kids want to be like that.

The cool kids are different from the popular kids. There's overlap for sure but the popular ones are ones who have money, an endless supply of high end clothing and accessories, nice cars, lots of freedom, are usually in some high profile sport or activity. They are followed and emulated and looked up to but kids also can be intimidated by them and won't approach. So they become kind of insulated in their little group. The cool kids interact with everyone because everyone genuinely likes them and feels at ease with them.

+1

I have noticed this too. Some of the PPs are mistaking cool for popular.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Predictably, people on here are being snarky about the cool kids.

In my kids’ middle school the cool kids are the athletes and the charismatic “got their shit together” leader types.

Not even snarky, you notice most of the responses are calling cool kids *ssholes and dumb rich kids. As if it's impossible to be BOTH cool and academic. Teases out that most parents on here are striver tiger moms, raising dork kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Predictably, people on here are being snarky about the cool kids.

In my kids’ middle school the cool kids are the athletes and the charismatic “got their shit together” leader types.

Not even snarky, you notice most of the responses are calling cool kids *ssholes and dumb rich kids. As if it's impossible to be BOTH cool and academic. Teases out that most parents on here are striver tiger moms, raising dork kids.

Cool and popular are very different!

[Anonymous]

My oldest attend a private high school.

The cool/popular kids are cool, popular AND academic & involved.

There are definitely some partying kids who fit into that. But there are also kids who don't party much that are also popular and cool.

That's what I like about private. When I was in high school you had to be a rich partier and/or athlete to be cool/popular. At a private I feel like there's a broader spectrum, with far more emphasis on college prep. Top academics and high involvement (clubs, sports, service) is social currency, whether you party or don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I teach HS, including 9th grade. Here's what I notice about "cool" kids:

They're funny but not at others' expense. They just haveba way of making that class feel like it's currently the most fun place you could possibly be. They manage to enjoy themselves and get things done while not being one of those moaners and groaners about work but also not being a grade grubber or someone who is acting like this assignment is life or death.

They do not make fun of others, they make light of situations. The kid who is always mocking other kids or is trying to be funny by being mean is loathed.

They're friendly in a genuine way. They will work just as happily with their friend as with the quiet dorky kid or the hand raiser who kind of annoys everyone.

They're pretty effortless. They're not trying to impress anyone. They just like what they like, wear what they wear and kids gravitate to them because they exude a confidence that most of the kids desperately want but don't get have. That's why they also present as leaders. They are charismatic and the kids want to be like that.

The cool kids are different from the popular kids. There's overlap for sure but the popular ones are ones who have money, an endless supply of high end clothing and accessories, nice cars, lots of freedom, are usually in some high profile sport or activity. They are followed and emulated and looked up to but kids also can be intimidated by them and won't approach. So they become kind of insulated in their little group. The cool kids interact with everyone because everyone genuinely likes them and feels at ease with them.

Is the what the kids call cool, or you think are cool? And HS is different than middle school

I am an adult. I don't think any kids are cool. I am telling you how the kids respond to other kids. There's a difference between popular and cool, this is how the kids perceive those differences and what they are. And I know HS is different than middle which is why I mentioned I teach 9th... they are JUST out of middle school at this point and still have many middle school tendencies. But this stuff holds across most grades. I also teach 11 and his is accurate for them too. To the person who had a weirdly accusatory tone about my "lens" - I work with these kids daily year in and year out. I have no dog in the fight or personal investment in this being true, but it is, year after year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At our public middle it's the good looking, confident athletes that are cool.

Most of the cool kids are very nice and friendly. Being a jerk is not cool and misbehaving is really not cool.

Generally the cool kids are sporty, and more or less attractive, but what sets them apart as "cool" is that they have per.issive parents and are much more experimental with things, especially opposite sex relationships and substance use. They often have older siblings and try to emulate what they perceive the high school kids to be. They are not necessarily more "mean" than other kids their ages, but they are more self absorbed and don't notice the other kids, which makes others feel on the outside. This increases their cool factor, and makes their real or perceived snubs feel much more painful.

I have noticed that their parents like to talk about how outgoing and well liked they are, but often they aren't really liked, just emulated and feared.

My kid is two years into a DC public charter middle school and this does NOT sound like his school at all. The school goes through HS and this also is not my impression of the high school students I know there.