"No friends" - how to handle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All. Introvert does not equal shy. Let me say that again. Introvert is not a synonym for shy.


There are plenty of kids in theatre who are introverted. Even if this isn't the program for this family, an attachment to theatre is probably a great idea/

Someone who is being treated for social anxiety probably falls into a different category than someone who is just an introvert. Let me say that again. Someone who is being treated for social anxiety probably falls into a different category than someone who is just an introvert.

Why is everyone on a theatre kick? Aren't there any activities other than theatre in the world??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All. Introvert does not equal shy. Let me say that again. Introvert is not a synonym for shy.


There are plenty of kids in theatre who are introverted. Even if this isn't the program for this family, an attachment to theatre is probably a great idea/

Someone who is being treated for social anxiety probably falls into a different category than someone who is just an introvert. Let me say that again. Someone who is being treated for social anxiety probably falls into a different category than someone who is just an introvert.

Why is everyone on a theatre kick? Aren't there any activities other than theatre in the world??

There are, but a lot of them are tough to start around middle school age. Sports have been great for my kid with social anxiety, but I don't think she would have been willing to start in middle school. Girl Scouts is another great activity, as is volunteering with a church, but those don't solve the problem of a lack of friends at school. Doing theater tech (not performing) has also been fantastic for my kid, and because she does it through school she's interacting with classmates in a different way than normal and developing friendships. And the tech kids are just, well, nice. It was easier for her to get started with tech than it was to find her place in some of the other extra curricular opportunities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another TPE proponent here. They do amazing work with every kind of kid. Introverts, extroverts, avowed theater kids, kids who are trying it on for size. Many kids really come into their own in the supportive and small ensemble environment of TPE. Fall classes are enrolling now and this winter's plays promise to be a ton of fun. Yes, it costs money, but it is worth every penny to have your kids working with solid professionals. Also, if cost is an issue, you can apply for scholarships. TPE is committed to its scholarship program.

My daughter does summer camp at Traveling Players, and I can't say enough good things about it. She wants to be a counselor when she gets older. Her middle school has a quite a few theater opportunities all through the year, so she isn't doing anything there now, but we just got an email about the fall program offerings. Definitely check it out, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not affiliated with Traveling Players Ensemble. It has been a godsend for my DD who struggles with social anxiety. Registration ends soon for this semester’s classes. I believe they offer financial aid.

OP here, I'm glad it has helped your child. I am looking for volunteer opps only and live close-in. We don't have time to drive to these classes. Thank you.

NP here - so your daughter is struggling, she likes theater, you came here for advice, but now you only want things that are free, and you "don't have time" to drive to anything? Nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not affiliated with Traveling Players Ensemble. It has been a godsend for my DD who struggles with social anxiety. Registration ends soon for this semester’s classes. I believe they offer financial aid.

OP here, I'm glad it has helped your child. I am looking for volunteer opps only and live close-in. We don't have time to drive to these classes. Thank you.

NP here - so your daughter is struggling, she likes theater, you came here for advice, but now you only want things that are free, and you "don't have time" to drive to anything? Nice.

Wow. You are really projecting.

It is far from where I live and I would rather find something closer. Is that ok with you?

I am not opposed to spending money but I know she would never get up on stage in a million years. I would only be interested in backstage opps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not affiliated with Traveling Players Ensemble. It has been a godsend for my DD who struggles with social anxiety. Registration ends soon for this semester’s classes. I believe they offer financial aid.

OP here, I'm glad it has helped your child. I am looking for volunteer opps only and live close-in. We don't have time to drive to these classes. Thank you.

NP here - so your daughter is struggling, she likes theater, you came here for advice, but now you only want things that are free, and you "don't have time" to drive to anything? Nice.

DP - but really? Because this one theater group that some other kids liked is absolutely going to be the answer for OP's DD and there is no other group or activity she could possibly get involved with closer to home?

And honestly, theater kids can bully and exclude as well. They are a clique just like other cliques so it's not an end all be all answer for goodness sakes. I think the take away is to look for a small, structured group or class that her DD can join

[Anonymous]

A whole lot of us have chimed in about how theatre (including the back stage parts of it) was a godsend for our children when they were struggling socially.

It made an enormous difference in the lives of our kids.

[Anonymous]

She needs to join some clubs or activities. This will be stressful at first but it will allow her to have natural interactions with other kids. Do keep reminding her that it is not uncommon to change friends as you grow older and sometimes it takes some time. She also should keep an eye open for other introverted kids who look like they need a friend. Maybe talk to her about how to approach them, practice what she can say.

[Anonymous]

Prozac? So she is going to a psychiatrist, right?

Maybe it is time to change her therapist - and I hope she doesn't do it with a psyquiatrist.

[Anonymous]

https://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/06/health/policy/06doctors.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Prozac? So she is going to a psychiatrist, right?

Maybe it is time to change her therapist - and I hope she doesn't do it with a psyquiatrist.

this. My heart goes out to OP but MSer on prozac? Yikes. I call that irresponsible psychiatry - lazily treats the symptoms rather than the problem. Could start her on a lifetime of dependency of anti-depressants. No bueno.

I'd have the goal of finding an activity that suits her (have her at least try stuff that is perhaps outside her comfort zone) with the eventual goal of dropping the prozac.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs to diversify her friend portfolio. Especially in middle school I really pushed DD to have friends from different groups, so if one group soured, she could just focus more attention on other groups.

Two friend groups at school, one at ice-skating, one at track, etc.

Her friend portfolio? LOL! You pushed your kid to have friends from different groups? Which groups exactly did you push? Talk about you needing a job!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to diversify her friend portfolio. Especially in middle school I really pushed DD to have friends from different groups, so if one group soured, she could just focus more attention on other groups.

Two friend groups at school, one at ice-skating, one at track, etc.

Her friend portfolio? LOL! You pushed your kid to have friends from different groups? Which groups exactly did you push? Talk about you needing a job!

She doesn't have time - she's too busy finding more activities for her child in order to build up the friend portfolio.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to diversify her friend portfolio. Especially in middle school I really pushed DD to have friends from different groups, so if one group soured, she could just focus more attention on other groups.

Two friend groups at school, one at ice-skating, one at track, etc.

Her friend portfolio? LOL! You pushed your kid to have friends from different groups? Which groups exactly did you push? Talk about you needing a job!

What is wrong with this approach? I definitely encourage different activities and hanging out with different friend groups. Not only to have friends but to have them so if things go south with one person/group, you're not left alone. This is def something counselors encourage, in my experience.

It's not about "pushing" but about encouraging. "Hey you haven't seen [Larla] in awhile, why don't you see what she is up to this weekend?" And by helping to identify activities where she may be exposed to other girls/new friends.

I'm sorry parenting is so much work for you, PPs. Or that you feel the need to be so nasty about different choices. You happen to be Exhibit A as to why having different friends can be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi,

My daughter is in middle school and has anxiety - she is currently on Prozac which helps somewhat, and also goes to therapy regularly. She was snubbed by her long time friends at the end of the last school year, and now finds herself alone. She is very introverted, and I think she doesn't remember how to make friends since she had those friends since early elementary school.

I have talked to her about being patient, that you can't make new friends overnight. She loves school except for the social aspects. If she had just one person that she could call a friend, that would make me feel much better.

Is there any other guidance I can give her to get her through this tough time?

Thanks!

So sorry. I stay out of my kids friendships but this is the time for you to be proactive and have her join a new activity and branch out to meet new friends. Be proactive and host a few gatherings. She will get through this. Also try to help her get her confidence up. Go for walk with her, maybe take her shopping, anything to lift her spirits. Also try to meet some parents and invite their families to something or maybe a mom and daughter. Good luck .