HHI where any additional amount is probably not worth the stress?

[Anonymous]

How much stress are we talking? Moving to a manager position with 5 reports? 20 reports? Going from 40 hours a week to 60 hours a week?

If we're talking sizeable amounts of stress like 60 hours a week, I guess DH and I are pretty simple folk because I'd say $200k is preferable than messing up our current family dynamic. We are in the DC metro region, and we're comfortable with two kids.

For small amounts of stress like a few extra people to manage... suck it up buttercup and do it!

[Anonymous]

DH make $350. Extremely stable job with great benefits. I SAHM. DH loves his job and it is fairly stressfree. Home life is stable and all is good with kids, home, health, education...because I am able to stay at home without money anxiety. Do we live in Mclean or Bethesda though? No.

With the crazy housing market in this area driven solely by schools (and racial distribution), some people may need to make much more than this to live in the expensive areas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much stress are we talking? Moving to a manager position with 5 reports? 20 reports? Going from 40 hours a week to 60 hours a week?

If we're talking sizeable amounts of stress like 60 hours a week, I guess DH and I are pretty simple folk because I'd say $200k is preferable than messing up our current family dynamic. We are in the DC metro region, and we're comfortable with two kids.

For small amounts of stress like a few extra people to manage... suck it up buttercup and do it!

OP here. The new role would include a big business development component (which I think my DH would be really good at FWIW) with the upside being a significant portion of new business brought in. This job would be lots of schmoozing - which DH likes and its comes naturally to him - but I still think will be stressful. I don't think he sees it as a forever job, but wants to see if he can sock away a ton of extra money for 5-10 years THEN take a cushy lifestyle job, rather than doing that now.

[Anonymous]

Your DH and you are looking at this from two completely different angles. You are looking at income, and DH is looking at this from a net worth standpoint, which is the view I favor. IMHO the only reason to put up with stress when you have choices is to build financial security or independence ASAP - the sooner you reach your financial goal, the sooner you can do whatever it is you want - for most people, that is a stress-free or easier retirement, help kids, and/or retire earlier. You should decide what you want and what you are willing to do to get there.

Looking at this from only hhi viewpoint - you will only think about what you are spending/not getting. Long-term planning is your friend

[Anonymous]

Adding...my DH and doing what your DH proposes. We live well, but also well below means and it appears well below other people we know in similar income ranges. The trick is BOTH of you being on board with whatever plan you choose. If one is working high stress (which will add to the others stress trust me - this is a dual situation) and one of you starts to “upgrade” your lifestyle, then you are deviating from your plan - may be fine but you should talk through this and also touch base about your goals periodically.

I’ll say..,we’ve been at this about 8-10 years and no regrets. Financial security is well-worth the effort and I agree...this income could be gone at anytime. Make hay while the sun shines

[Anonymous]

Everyone's different but for us this is right around $300k

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much stress are we talking? Moving to a manager position with 5 reports? 20 reports? Going from 40 hours a week to 60 hours a week?

If we're talking sizeable amounts of stress like 60 hours a week, I guess DH and I are pretty simple folk because I'd say $200k is preferable than messing up our current family dynamic. We are in the DC metro region, and we're comfortable with two kids.

For small amounts of stress like a few extra people to manage... suck it up buttercup and do it!

OP here. The new role would include a big business development component (which I think my DH would be really good at FWIW) with the upside being a significant portion of new business brought in. This job would be lots of schmoozing - which DH likes and its comes naturally to him - but I still think will be stressful. I don't think he sees it as a forever job, but wants to see if he can sock away a ton of extra money for 5-10 years THEN take a cushy lifestyle job, rather than doing that now.

I think this type of stress is okay. All high level work is stressful to some degree because at that level, you want to do a good job and succeed. It sounds like your DH has a positive outlook on it and is well suited to the new job, which is a big factor. It seems like you, on the other hand, are not interested in picking up more stress. You may want to look into hiring help. With the new, higher income, you should be able to afford house cleaners, grocery delivery, etc. That may mitigate how much of the extra burden gets dumped on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adding...my DH and doing what your DH proposes. We live well, but also well below means and it appears well below other people we know in similar income ranges. The trick is BOTH of you being on board with whatever plan you choose. If one is working high stress (which will add to the others stress trust me - this is a dual situation) and one of you starts to “upgrade” your lifestyle, then you are deviating from your plan - may be fine but you should talk through this and also touch base about your goals periodically.

I’ll say..,we’ve been at this about 8-10 years and no regrets. Financial security is well-worth the effort and I agree...this income could be gone at anytime. Make hay while the sun shines

OP here. Yes, you get it. Essentially, DH wants what he calls “FU money.”

To the other PP, I am actually on board picking up the slack (kids are a little older now, would have been harder before) as long as DH doesn’t get cranky or snappish.

[Anonymous]

I've made everywhere from $120k-$350k over the last 18 years in law firms and government. Currently I make $160k (GS15). My wife's income has ranged from $60k when we were dating to about $130k now. Honestly, at least in that range, the money doesn't make a huge lifestyle difference, or at least it didn't to us. We've had a combined $450k+ income in previous years, and we're currently making about $290k, but our lifestyle is pretty much the same. (We can't sock away as much money as we used to, but we're doing fine).

I would take on extra stress for more personal satisfaction/fulfillment reasons. But I wouldn't do it for just a little extra cash unless you're currently making less than $250k or the increase would take you up towards $1M (maybe north of $800k or so).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adding...my DH and doing what your DH proposes. We live well, but also well below means and it appears well below other people we know in similar income ranges. The trick is BOTH of you being on board with whatever plan you choose. If one is working high stress (which will add to the others stress trust me - this is a dual situation) and one of you starts to “upgrade” your lifestyle, then you are deviating from your plan - may be fine but you should talk through this and also touch base about your goals periodically.

I’ll say..,we’ve been at this about 8-10 years and no regrets. Financial security is well-worth the effort and I agree...this income could be gone at anytime. Make hay while the sun shines

OP here. Yes, you get it. Essentially, DH wants what he calls “FU money.”

To the other PP, I am actually on board picking up the slack (kids are a little older now, would have been harder before) as long as DH doesn’t get cranky or snappish.

They talk about "F U Money" all the time on that show Billions. But they mean, you know, billions of dollars. Normal people can't earn that much in a lifetime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adding...my DH and doing what your DH proposes. We live well, but also well below means and it appears well below other people we know in similar income ranges. The trick is BOTH of you being on board with whatever plan you choose. If one is working high stress (which will add to the others stress trust me - this is a dual situation) and one of you starts to “upgrade” your lifestyle, then you are deviating from your plan - may be fine but you should talk through this and also touch base about your goals periodically.

I’ll say..,we’ve been at this about 8-10 years and no regrets. Financial security is well-worth the effort and I agree...this income could be gone at anytime. Make hay while the sun shines

OP here. Yes, you get it. Essentially, DH wants what he calls “FU money.”

To the other PP, I am actually on board picking up the slack (kids are a little older now, would have been harder before) as long as DH doesn’t get cranky or snappish.

They talk about "F U Money" all the time on that show Billions. But they mean, you know, billions of dollars. Normal people can't earn that much in a lifetime.

I disagree. I think FU money is the amount you need to walk away from a job you truly hate to give you the time to find something you truly like. Or, to simply say I have enough and I'm going to retire.

[Anonymous]

I quit my stressful job that only made $130k per year (actually less when you consider $3k+ per month of daycare/ after care costs for 3 kids) when my husband started making over $900K. The amount I was bringing in wasn’t woth the stress to me anymore.