Post weekend rant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever. I bet the kids want to hangout with him. Stop being a control freak and enjoy the moments...they go by too fast.

Not really. Once the kids are 7 or 8 yo they'll see him for the undependable doofus he is.

Doubtful. They have his genetics so they are probably dumb too.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, at least you're married. I assume that was your goal going into this relationship. I can't think of another reason why you'd end up with a guy like this. We all have choices in life...you made yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever. I bet the kids want to hangout with him. Stop being a control freak and enjoy the moments...they go by too fast.

Not really. Once the kids are 7 or 8 yo they'll see him for the undependable doofus he is.

Doubtful. They have his genetics so they are probably dumb too.

25%. most likely her father was an ADD dimwit, and his mother busted her balls to do everything. So OP has 50% good genes, OP's H has 25% bad and 25% good so kids may skate by alright. As long as OP can override most of H's passport adult habits and raise them right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need to let off some steam after another weekend with my husband home. He’s the definition of a bull in a China shop in our house. And this is what I deal with every day when he’s home.

Apart from literally dropping and breaking things accidentally in the house constantly, he creates havoc whereever he goes. He has broken things that I didn’t even think were possible to break- like things made of solid metal.

He give the kids a cookie right after I told them they lost their dessert. He lets them watch tv when they have lost their TV privileges. He’s watching the kids, and meanwhile, the kids are making a huge mess and doing things that they shouldn’t be doing while they are supposed to be under his supervision. He starts yelling at the children all willy-nilly. The children regularly get hurt around him, because he lets them do semi dangerous things, or he hurts them accidentally during one of their play fights or throwing them on the bed.

After I run a whole full load of dishes he runs them again because he doesn’t realize they are already clean. After I wash and dry all the sheets and blankets in the house, he will put them in the washer and dryer again because he doesn’t realize they are already clean. And he decides that the bigger the load, the less water you should put in, because that will leave more room for laundry. He will go in the cabinets and the refrigerator and after using whatever he needs to use he will put it back without bothering to close it. So the bread bag is left open and the whole bag of bread ends up getting stale. The newly bought lunch meat and cheese have just been left wide open and so they have gotten all dried up. He throws out important things and then has no recollection of what he has thrown out. He stuffs things in the deep recesses of the attic and basement without telling me, so that I can never find them when I am looking for them.

He leaves a path of food and crumbs wherever he goes as he carries food to the rooms of the house where no food should be. When he decides once a month that he shall cook, he gives all our counters, sinks, drawer and cabinet handles, appliances, a nice coating of raw chicken juice that he limply spreads around with a soggy paper towel, and sometimes I have even discovered an entire drawer filled with chicken juice. When he cleans something, it is sometimes much dirtier and worse off than before he cleaned it.

He does all this with good intentions, but his good intentions are going to send me to the crazy house!!!!

This guy is a total basket case. And that is definitely inattention ADHD. He doesn't even focus or know what he's doing most of the time in the house! He can't even remember to close up food from air. Why didn't his father teach him that when he was 6 yo!? raw meat chicken juice bacteria everywhere, another life skill his caretaker never taught him - or may they did he just can't be bothered or physically cannot remember things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The household division of labor from our parents' and grandparents' generation made some sense.

No Darwin should have wiped this guy out a couple generations ago. WTF.

...but OP saved him because she wanted a man.

Next time let him eat his raw chicken juice, go into collections debt, and get eaten by rats while sleeping on his crumbs.

you're welcome,
Charles Darwin

[Anonymous]

Either he has ADHD or ADD or he is simply careless.

And lazy.
And inconsiderate.
Or just assumes that you will “properly” clean up after him!!

I am a neatnik & just reading your entire posting made me squirm multiple times!!

I could not live w/anyone like the person that you just described.
Not even for a second.

I strongly suggest you hire a full-time daily housekeeper because a bi-weekly maid won’t be able to keep up w/your husband’s disasters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have ADHD? Do you have a house cleaner?

Can we please stop the "does he have ADHD?" bullshit line? It's getting tired. It's as tired as "I'm fat because of my hormones" and "If your DW won't have sex with you, then you need to help clean up and take care of the kids". None of those responses are helpful at all. Sometimes it's best not to comment at all.

Yeah! And how about those inane comments "If he's not into you lose some weight!" What a bunch of crap, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have ADHD? Do you have a house cleaner?

Can we please stop the "does he have ADHD?" bullshit line? It's getting tired. It's as tired as "I'm fat because of my hormones" and "If your DW won't have sex with you, then you need to help clean up and take care of the kids". None of those responses are helpful at all. Sometimes it's best not to comment at all.

I completely agree

Presumably he was like this when you dated.

[Anonymous]

Divorce him immediately.....you deserve and can absolutely do better........

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have ADHD? Do you have a house cleaner?

Can we please stop the "does he have ADHD?" bullshit line? It's getting tired. It's as tired as "I'm fat because of my hormones" and "If your DW won't have sex with you, then you need to help clean up and take care of the kids". None of those responses are helpful at all. Sometimes it's best not to comment at all.

I completely agree

Presumably he was like this when you dated.

Yes! We fought every single day bout this stupid housekeeping crap! But I chose love over housekeeping, silly me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either he has ADHD or ADD or he is simply careless.

And lazy.
And inconsiderate.
Or just assumes that you will “properly” clean up after him!!

I am a neatnik & just reading your entire posting made me squirm multiple times!!

I could not live w/anyone like the person that you just described.
Not even for a second.

I strongly suggest you hire a full-time daily housekeeper because a bi-weekly maid won’t be able to keep up w/your husband’s disasters.

Pad to all non married couples— basic housekeeping skills and common sense is critical to a happy marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either he has ADHD or ADD or he is simply careless.

And lazy.
And inconsiderate.
Or just assumes that you will “properly” clean up after him!!

I am a neatnik & just reading your entire posting made me squirm multiple times!!

I could not live w/anyone like the person that you just described.
Not even for a second.

I strongly suggest you hire a full-time daily housekeeper because a bi-weekly maid won’t be able to keep up w/your husband’s disasters.

Pad to all non married couples— basic housekeeping skills and common sense is critical to a happy marriage.

*PSA (not Pad)

[Anonymous]

I have a saying for this, passed on from FIL I never met, who used to say to my DH when he was a kid...”Bobby, don’t do one job and make two as a result”. In your case OP, “don’t do one job and make a dozen plus a trip to ER, as a result”

Holy Fck I’d lose my sh*t daily. If that makes me controlling, then I wear that badge!

If he’s a great dad and great lover than there’s that. Does he function well in his career? Financially an equal? If not, I don’t know what to advise. I mean wow, don’t think I could stick with it, but my DS is almost off to college. The chicken juice is a real deal breaker! Feel bad for you, of course, but so much for him. Can’t imagine he does this with malicious intent, which means he’s unaware and that could signal something. I never throw a diagnosis at things, but he sounds like ADD combined hyper/inattentive. Drug him up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The household division of labor from our parents' and grandparents' generation made some sense.

No Darwin should have wiped this guy out a couple generations ago. WTF.

...but OP saved him because she wanted a man.

Next time let him eat his raw chicken juice, go into collections debt, and get eaten by rats while sleeping on his crumbs.

you're welcome,
Charles Darwin

Actually all of those things will make him strong, turn him into a superman, if you will.

Signed, Friedrich Nietzsche

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a saying for this, passed on from FIL I never met, who used to say to my DH when he was a kid...”Bobby, don’t do one job and make two as a result”. In your case OP, “don’t do one job and make a dozen plus a trip to ER, as a result”

Holy Fck I’d lose my sh*t daily. If that makes me controlling, then I wear that badge!

If he’s a great dad and great lover than there’s that. Does he function well in his career? Financially an equal? If not, I don’t know what to advise. I mean wow, don’t think I could stick with it, but my DS is almost off to college. The chicken juice is a real deal breaker! Feel bad for you, of course, but so much for him. Can’t imagine he does this with malicious intent, which means he’s unaware and that could signal something. I never throw a diagnosis at things, but he sounds like ADD combined hyper/inattentive. Drug him up!

Op here. Yes, he’s exceptional at his career, and he is financially stable. He just has his very narrow areas of focus where he excels, and practically handicapped in everything else. It is both a choice on his part, and also just how he’s built. He has very few priorities that he will choose to focus on, while everything else quite literally seems to disappear for him. He depends on me to make his daily life work, but he’s very successful and capable in other areas of his life.

And he most definitely does not have add or adhd. He absolutely has an atypical brain with all kinds of crazy quirks, but I’ve never come across any diagnosis or condition that fits him.