Mother has very limited visitation of child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. You’re wrong. Not sure why this is something to argue about. I’m telling you we will be together again.

But do you have to be? And could you just leave your children at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Several responses about the new husband which I cant/won’t refute because I have no info. But I feel like the mother has a big part in this? It would be easier for a court to say the mother has custody/visitation but the husband cannot be there? Why would the court punish the mother (from 50% custody to 4 hours visitation per week) if the issue is the husband?

The allegation is that he did something and she covered it up. Or maybe she left them with him knowing he was high/drunk. If her visits aren’t supervised, the bad actor was him... but she was responsible somehow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Several responses about the new husband which I cant/won’t refute because I have no info. But I feel like the mother has a big part in this? It would be easier for a court to say the mother has custody/visitation but the husband cannot be there? Why would the court punish the mother (from 50% custody to 4 hours visitation per week) if the issue is the husband?

The reason is because they can't court order a divorce or tell new husband to move - which means that if the custody arrangement wasn't changed than said child would be in his presence - and THAT is what the court order stipulates - that he's not around. It further reduces to the visitation until court hearing to determine what she did/didn't do, what she knows, and if allegation is proved to be true.

For instance - child could have complained that new husband hit her or abused her in some way. XH goes to file an order - court orders the custodial and visit changes until the hearing to determine the facts of the presented order - abuse or whatever was reported by XH - allegation or not.

[Anonymous]

I've heard rumors about 2 family members in particular on my DH's side. Both about inappropriate sexual contact with younger family members. I have no idea if these things are true.

But you better believe on the occasions I do have to be at the same gathering with them, I watch my kids like a hawk. They are not out of my sight, or out of my DH's sight. My DH knows how I feel, that I'm not willing to risk it. But because I don't *know* if these things are true, I can't be all dramatic and avoid the gatherings with my kids completely. I minimize as much as possible, and when together, am super vigilant.

That's my only advice OP.

[Anonymous]

OP: There is a huge disconnect here.

If this information was relevant to you/your kids for any reason other than gossip, there would be someone for you to ask.

[Anonymous]

For those curious, it is possible that a mother loses custody. My father had 100% custody of me after I reported drug/alcohol abuse by my mother. My father never said I couldn't see her, so I was allowed to do so anytime I wanted to, but it was mostly for outings (park, lunch, afterschool, etc.). Something like this could easily result in the arrangement you describe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: There is a huge disconnect here.

If this information was relevant to you/your kids for any reason other than gossip, there would be someone for you to ask.

I think it's fine that OP is curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know of a situation where father was only allowed rare visitation with a chaperone along for one year. It was because the mother ALLEGED he touched the 4-yr-old boy while he was bathing him. Father was unable to prove it was false, obviously.

After one year he was allowed full visitation, every other weekend he had the kid at his house unchaperoned for the rest of his childhood.

Because this mother accused her second husband of inappropriate touching of kids later, I believe she was lying or wrong about the first allegation. Didn't matter, though, dad could not spend one minute with that kid unchaperoned for a full year.

I seriously doubt this story. There are children at my school with many reports to CPS that are still forced into unsupervised visitation. Someone else is going on here.

[Anonymous]

Hire a private investigator. It was cheaper than we thought to get it started. We just hired a PI because my ex’s new girlfriend can not leave her state. We don’t know if she’s on bail or probation, but we also know that she has her tween and teen sons a very limited amount of time. Her name pops for several scammy websites and her FB shows that she used to travel almost constantly until about 10 months ago.

[Anonymous]

Could it just be that the biological father now wants a formal agreement because mom is not living up to informal terms?
If she missed visitation, did not return when said, failed to pay for daycare.... there are a million parenting decisions that maybe she was doing fine with and then stopped doing fine on, and bio dad got fed up. If she had been messy and not reliable, the court could rule that dad has primary custody temporarily while they make a formal agreement.

I have heard of people stipulating that new boyfriend / girlfriend can’t meet or be around child until a certain amount of time or until both parents agree (keeps kids from meeting 100 boyfriends as mom dates and give bio parent chance to learn of new relationship before kids do) and maybe bio dad wants that, so until the new agreement is made, new husband can’t be around kid.

It is possible that there is a dark and nefarious situation but there could also be a total nothing story. These type of arrangements can get super messy and people often put in a lot of clauses to make things hard for the other side. It does not mean that you let the new husband watch your kid for four days, but you may be creating drama where there is none.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know of a situation where father was only allowed rare visitation with a chaperone along for one year. It was because the mother ALLEGED he touched the 4-yr-old boy while he was bathing him. Father was unable to prove it was false, obviously.

After one year he was allowed full visitation, every other weekend he had the kid at his house unchaperoned for the rest of his childhood.

Because this mother accused her second husband of inappropriate touching of kids later, I believe she was lying or wrong about the first allegation. Didn't matter, though, dad could not spend one minute with that kid unchaperoned for a full year.

This is probably the case and that’s why she has limited visitation. She accused her ex-husband of something similar and CPS figured it out. My DH’s ex did the same thing and we have full custody now with once a week visitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know of a situation where father was only allowed rare visitation with a chaperone along for one year. It was because the mother ALLEGED he touched the 4-yr-old boy while he was bathing him. Father was unable to prove it was false, obviously.

After one year he was allowed full visitation, every other weekend he had the kid at his house unchaperoned for the rest of his childhood.

Because this mother accused her second husband of inappropriate touching of kids later, I believe she was lying or wrong about the first allegation. Didn't matter, though, dad could not spend one minute with that kid unchaperoned for a full year.

This is probably the case and that’s why she has limited visitation. She accused her ex-husband of something similar and CPS figured it out. My DH’s ex did the same thing and we have full custody now with once a week visitation.

You must be skipping several factors in addition to a false allegation. The court doesn’t change custody based solely on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know of a situation where father was only allowed rare visitation with a chaperone along for one year. It was because the mother ALLEGED he touched the 4-yr-old boy while he was bathing him. Father was unable to prove it was false, obviously.

After one year he was allowed full visitation, every other weekend he had the kid at his house unchaperoned for the rest of his childhood.

Because this mother accused her second husband of inappropriate touching of kids later, I believe she was lying or wrong about the first allegation. Didn't matter, though, dad could not spend one minute with that kid unchaperoned for a full year.

This is probably the case and that’s why she has limited visitation. She accused her ex-husband of something similar and CPS figured it out. My DH’s ex did the same thing and we have full custody now with once a week visitation.

NP here. Tell me more. We are in a similar position where the ex has accused DH of abuse but it is not true. How did you end up getting custody over that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know of a situation where father was only allowed rare visitation with a chaperone along for one year. It was because the mother ALLEGED he touched the 4-yr-old boy while he was bathing him. Father was unable to prove it was false, obviously.

After one year he was allowed full visitation, every other weekend he had the kid at his house unchaperoned for the rest of his childhood.

Because this mother accused her second husband of inappropriate touching of kids later, I believe she was lying or wrong about the first allegation. Didn't matter, though, dad could not spend one minute with that kid unchaperoned for a full year.

This is probably the case and that’s why she has limited visitation. She accused her ex-husband of something similar and CPS figured it out. My DH’s ex did the same thing and we have full custody now with once a week visitation.

NP here. Tell me more. We are in a similar position where the ex has accused DH of abuse but it is not true. How did you end up getting custody over that?

My DH was fully cooperating with CPS investigation (lie detector, supervised visitation etc.) The bio mom did not even when she had custody and made pretty unstable comment during her interview with CPS. She said she was going to kill herself if the child was taken away. Some folks also testified against her in court how she lied about child/spousal support. The judge was just fair and decided what was in the best interest of the kid.

[Anonymous]

CPS doesn’t use lie dectectors.