Mean moms at Schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s a dad’s perspective: MYOB generally and, if volunteering, make sure that you’re doing it because you want to give back to the school community, not make new friends or raise your own kids’ profile.

And, if you take offense easily, get involved with the activities where you know people/bodies are definitely needed and where the organizers can’t get the job done if they drive people away or engage in exclusionary behavior.

What's wrong with making new friends? I think both can be achieved by giving time to school activities.
I mean, this is definitely a DAD perspective, I think. Because lots of moms enjoy meeting and getting to know the moms of their kids' friends or classmates. Makes the school feel a lot more like a community.

Sorry you're experiencing a few clique-y moms, OP.

This is the dad. Absolutely great if you make new friends. But I'd get involved with school activities with other goals in mind and a "hope for the best, prepare for the worst" attitude.

From reading DCUM posts, it seems that the "mean ones" can spot someone who arrives in "friend-needy" mode a mile away and crank up the ostracism accordingly.

Just because a mom doesn't need new friends does not make it ok to crank up the ostracism. This area is transient and many families don't have extended family nearby. You can be friendly without being overly friendly or being an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be aware that the parenting playing field evens out a lot more in middle school, because the "mean moms" who had a choke hold over classroom volunteering opportunities and being an constant presence school no longer have that power because parents do not volunteer in the classroom in middle school.

The only volunteer opportunities are the occasional field trip, and MS students DO NOT want their un-cool parents there (how embarrassing).

So, it gets better.

OMG drama much?!?! I'm so sure the AWFUL TERRIBLE "Mean Moms" at your school are guarding all the volunteer opportunities for themselves and not "allowing" anyone to help...for....the GLORY of it?!?! LOLOLOL! Are you serious!?! The same people who make ridiculous statements like this are the exact same moms who roll their eyes at any mom who has the AUDACITY to request that you send in a contribution for teacher appreciation week, a class party, etc. because "who has the time for that??!" Right? Make up your mind, PP--and moms just like you! Do you want us to ask you to help, or not?!?! It's not a secret club, you know! You just sign up and DO it. And in the absence of volunteers, guess what?!?!....the SAME DAMN MOMS end up doing everything that needs to be done! Not out of some bizarre POWER trip (which gains us what, exactly?!? Access to the crotchety teachers who populate the Teacher's Lounge?!?! No thanks!)

Please...take a step back and realize that you have the same access and power to volunteer as every other parent at that school. The "chokehold" is imaginary.

Guess what - If you didn't lift a finger again for your child's class... Everything would still be fine. So take a moment and stop judging and being resentful toward all the other parents who don't volunteer as much as you do.

[Anonymous]

We have a mom that signs up to be room parent every year and gossips about every parent and child she doesn't like in the school and also complains about all the work of being room parent. If you've had that attitude and signed up to be room mom for four years in a row, don't be surprised when no one wants to volunteer with you anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s a dad’s perspective: MYOB generally and, if volunteering, make sure that you’re doing it because you want to give back to the school community, not make new friends or raise your own kids’ profile.

And, if you take offense easily, get involved with the activities where you know people/bodies are definitely needed and where the organizers can’t get the job done if they drive people away or engage in exclusionary behavior.

What's wrong with making new friends? I think both can be achieved by giving time to school activities.
I mean, this is definitely a DAD perspective, I think. Because lots of moms enjoy meeting and getting to know the moms of their kids' friends or classmates. Makes the school feel a lot more like a community.

Sorry you're experiencing a few clique-y moms, OP.

This is the dad. Absolutely great if you make new friends. But I'd get involved with school activities with other goals in mind and a "hope for the best, prepare for the worst" attitude.

From reading DCUM posts, it seems that the "mean ones" can spot someone who arrives in "friend-needy" mode a mile away and crank up the ostracism accordingly.

Just because a mom doesn't need new friends does not make it ok to crank up the ostracism. This area is transient and many families don't have extended family nearby. You can be friendly without being overly friendly or being an ass.[/quote]

+1

Just because someone is pleasant, or had manners, doesn't make them "needy". I would say that the rude moms make quite a name for themselves, not in a good way. OP, some grown women are socially stunted. Look for people who are more like you. Find hobbies that you like doing outside of the school. These moms are not all that, you are not missing anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s a dad’s perspective: MYOB generally and, if volunteering, make sure that you’re doing it because you want to give back to the school community, not make new friends or raise your own kids’ profile.

And, if you take offense easily, get involved with the activities where you know people/bodies are definitely needed and where the organizers can’t get the job done if they drive people away or engage in exclusionary behavior.

What's wrong with making new friends? I think both can be achieved by giving time to school activities.
I mean, this is definitely a DAD perspective, I think. Because lots of moms enjoy meeting and getting to know the moms of their kids' friends or classmates. Makes the school feel a lot more like a community.

Sorry you're experiencing a few clique-y moms, OP.

This is the dad. Absolutely great if you make new friends. But I'd get involved with school activities with other goals in mind and a "hope for the best, prepare for the worst" attitude.

From reading DCUM posts, it seems that the "mean ones" can spot someone who arrives in "friend-needy" mode a mile away and crank up the ostracism accordingly.

Just because a mom doesn't need new friends does not make it ok to crank up the ostracism. This area is transient and many families don't have extended family nearby. You can be friendly without being overly friendly or being an ass.[/quote]

+1

Just because someone is pleasant, or had manners, doesn't make them "needy". I would say that the rude moms make quite a name for themselves, not in a good way. OP, some grown women are socially stunted. Look for people who are more like you. Find hobbies that you like doing outside of the school. These moms are not all that, you are not missing anything.

+1. And just because I'm suggesting PP should approach these situations "combat-ready" doesn't mean I think others are entitled to act like jerks.

(Dad poster starting to feel like Jason Bateman and exiting this thread before official Twitter apology).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be aware that the parenting playing field evens out a lot more in middle school, because the "mean moms" who had a choke hold over classroom volunteering opportunities and being an constant presence school no longer have that power because parents do not volunteer in the classroom in middle school.

The only volunteer opportunities are the occasional field trip, and MS students DO NOT want their un-cool parents there (how embarrassing).

So, it gets better.

OMG drama much?!?! I'm so sure the AWFUL TERRIBLE "Mean Moms" at your school are guarding all the volunteer opportunities for themselves and not "allowing" anyone to help...for....the GLORY of it?!?! LOLOLOL! Are you serious!?! The same people who make ridiculous statements like this are the exact same moms who roll their eyes at any mom who has the AUDACITY to request that you send in a contribution for teacher appreciation week, a class party, etc. because "who has the time for that??!" Right? Make up your mind, PP--and moms just like you! Do you want us to ask you to help, or not?!?! It's not a secret club, you know! You just sign up and DO it. And in the absence of volunteers, guess what?!?!....the SAME DAMN MOMS end up doing everything that needs to be done! Not out of some bizarre POWER trip (which gains us what, exactly?!? Access to the crotchety teachers who populate the Teacher's Lounge?!?! No thanks!)

Please...take a step back and realize that you have the same access and power to volunteer as every other parent at that school. The "chokehold" is imaginary.

Guess what - If you didn't lift a finger again for your child's class... Everything would still be fine. So take a moment and stop judging and being resentful toward all the other parents who don't volunteer as much as you do.

No,no,no!!! That Mom is THERE because NO ONE else lifts a FINGER! The SCHOOL would absolutely fall APART if she, and the SAME DAMN other MOMS weren’t there to pick up the SLACK!!!! These moms are SO important and you better RESPECT and APPRECIATE them! They do so MUCH! Also, quit being so PARANOID and DRAMATIC!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a mom that signs up to be room parent every year and gossips about every parent and child she doesn't like in the school and also complains about all the work of being room parent. If you've had that attitude and signed up to be room mom for four years in a row, don't be surprised when no one wants to volunteer with you anymore.

Her kids apparently hears his mom gossiping about other parents and copies her mom’s attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there mean Mom behavior at your school?

I can’t believe how catty and mean some moms are. They are way worse than the kids.

I have boys and lead a drama free life.

You are just lucky. Boys have drama too, ask any school counselor.

+ I've had way more drama from my DS than my DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be aware that the parenting playing field evens out a lot more in middle school, because the "mean moms" who had a choke hold over classroom volunteering opportunities and being an constant presence school no longer have that power because parents do not volunteer in the classroom in middle school.

The only volunteer opportunities are the occasional field trip, and MS students DO NOT want their un-cool parents there (how embarrassing).

So, it gets better.

OMG drama much?!?! I'm so sure the AWFUL TERRIBLE "Mean Moms" at your school are guarding all the volunteer opportunities for themselves and not "allowing" anyone to help...for....the GLORY of it?!?! LOLOLOL! Are you serious!?! The same people who make ridiculous statements like this are the exact same moms who roll their eyes at any mom who has the AUDACITY to request that you send in a contribution for teacher appreciation week, a class party, etc. because "who has the time for that??!" Right? Make up your mind, PP--and moms just like you! Do you want us to ask you to help, or not?!?! It's not a secret club, you know! You just sign up and DO it. And in the absence of volunteers, guess what?!?!....the SAME DAMN MOMS end up doing everything that needs to be done! Not out of some bizarre POWER trip (which gains us what, exactly?!? Access to the crotchety teachers who populate the Teacher's Lounge?!?! No thanks!)

Please...take a step back and realize that you have the same access and power to volunteer as every other parent at that school. The "chokehold" is imaginary.

Okay.

I know it is early.

And a Sunday.

But perhaps a glass of wine is in order?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:School are like most other aspects of adult life -- if you look for drama, you'll find it. If you're not interested, you won't. If you're encountering lots of "mean mom" drama, maybe it's time to reconsider the kinds of people you choose to surround yourself with.

100% agree. Once when my kids were still in elementary, a friend complained to me about the cliquey-ness of some moms in our kids' grade, and about mean mom behavior. I listened to her complaints and made noncommittal noises and finally she said, "you don't agree?" I shrugged and said, "I dunno, I guess I don't really notice." And she got exasperated and said, "You're just not paying attention!"

Well, exactly, lol. When I did think about it, she wasn't wrong about the cliques. But I don't pay attention because I just don't care.

[Anonymous]

It's not as easy as that. The mom could be influencing things against your child or against your volunteering or friendships at the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG drama much?!?! I'm so sure the AWFUL TERRIBLE "Mean Moms" at your school are guarding all the volunteer opportunities for themselves and not "allowing" anyone to help...for....the GLORY of it?!?!

I cut off the rest, but I'll chime in from another father's perspective. We live in a pretty affluent area and yes, you do see the same mothers generally being the room parents each year, doing the volunteer stuff, etc. However, since both my wife and I work, I'm glad someone is able to step up and do these things, I wish I had more time before my kids enter the age range where they don't want me around at all.

The only time I've been a bit annoyed is when my kids have had field trips, because this is an aggressive area with aggressive parents. We'd get notices that a field trip is coming up and there is a need to chaperones. Cool, I'd think, let me check my meeting calendar, talk to my boss, see is I can get a little time off.....not one hour later, the next e-mail comes that the spots are full. And I'll admit, I definitely figured (fairly or not) that it was the stay at homes, the volunteer folks, snapping up all the spots immediately.

I've still been able to go on a few of them, and the teachers do say that parents who aren't chaperones can still meet there. Speaking as someone who has chaperoned a few times, no chaperone is going to turn down having an extra adult to help. I'm sure they wouldn't turn down you pitching in to help volunteer. You're cutting yourself out, not the other way around.

NP, but I'm one of the SAHM/constant volunteer crowd. I can imagine this scenario is very frustrating. But also I've been in the situation where I"ve been told by a teacher that she was reserving the field trip chaperone spots for the parents who "never get a chance to volunteer" and that sucks too! Because, as you can probably imagine, after spending hours in her classroom doing the stuff that no one wants to take off work to do--even if they could swing it!--it would be nice to be rewarded for the hours spent in her classroom by being selected for one of these coveted spots. Not saying I should get preference, but getting passed over for the fun stuff because I "get to help out all the time" is a slap in the face as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be aware that the parenting playing field evens out a lot more in middle school, because the "mean moms" who had a choke hold over classroom volunteering opportunities and being an constant presence school no longer have that power because parents do not volunteer in the classroom in middle school.

The only volunteer opportunities are the occasional field trip, and MS students DO NOT want their un-cool parents there (how embarrassing).

So, it gets better.

OMG drama much?!?! I'm so sure the AWFUL TERRIBLE "Mean Moms" at your school are guarding all the volunteer opportunities for themselves and not "allowing" anyone to help...for....the GLORY of it?!?! LOLOLOL! Are you serious!?! The same people who make ridiculous statements like this are the exact same moms who roll their eyes at any mom who has the AUDACITY to request that you send in a contribution for teacher appreciation week, a class party, etc. because "who has the time for that??!" Right? Make up your mind, PP--and moms just like you! Do you want us to ask you to help, or not?!?! It's not a secret club, you know! You just sign up and DO it. And in the absence of volunteers, guess what?!?!....the SAME DAMN MOMS end up doing everything that needs to be done! Not out of some bizarre POWER trip (which gains us what, exactly?!? Access to the crotchety teachers who populate the Teacher's Lounge?!?! No thanks!)

Please...take a step back and realize that you have the same access and power to volunteer as every other parent at that school. The "chokehold" is imaginary.

Guess what - If you didn't lift a finger again for your child's class... Everything would still be fine. So take a moment and stop judging and being resentful toward all the other parents who don't volunteer as much as you do.

No,no,no!!! That Mom is THERE because NO ONE else lifts a FINGER! The SCHOOL would absolutely fall APART if she, and the SAME DAMN other MOMS weren’t there to pick up the SLACK!!!! These moms are SO important and you better RESPECT and APPRECIATE them! They do so MUCH! Also, quit being so PARANOID and DRAMATIC!!!!!

You don't seem like a very kind person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG drama much?!?! I'm so sure the AWFUL TERRIBLE "Mean Moms" at your school are guarding all the volunteer opportunities for themselves and not "allowing" anyone to help...for....the GLORY of it?!?!

I cut off the rest, but I'll chime in from another father's perspective. We live in a pretty affluent area and yes, you do see the same mothers generally being the room parents each year, doing the volunteer stuff, etc. However, since both my wife and I work, I'm glad someone is able to step up and do these things, I wish I had more time before my kids enter the age range where they don't want me around at all.

The only time I've been a bit annoyed is when my kids have had field trips, because this is an aggressive area with aggressive parents. We'd get notices that a field trip is coming up and there is a need to chaperones. Cool, I'd think, let me check my meeting calendar, talk to my boss, see is I can get a little time off.....not one hour later, the next e-mail comes that the spots are full. And I'll admit, I definitely figured (fairly or not) that it was the stay at homes, the volunteer folks, snapping up all the spots immediately.

I've still been able to go on a few of them, and the teachers do say that parents who aren't chaperones can still meet there. Speaking as someone who has chaperoned a few times, no chaperone is going to turn down having an extra adult to help. I'm sure they wouldn't turn down you pitching in to help volunteer. You're cutting yourself out, not the other way around.

NP, but I'm one of the SAHM/constant volunteer crowd. I can imagine this scenario is very frustrating. But also I've been in the situation where I"ve been told by a teacher that she was reserving the field trip chaperone spots for the parents who "never get a chance to volunteer" and that sucks too! Because, as you can probably imagine, after spending hours in her classroom doing the stuff that no one wants to take off work to do--even if they could swing it!--it would be nice to be rewarded for the hours spent in her classroom by being selected for one of these coveted spots. Not saying I should get preference, but getting passed over for the fun stuff because I "get to help out all the time" is a slap in the face as well.

I'm not one of the regular volunteer crowd but I COMPLETELY agree with you. It does not seem fair that you're putting in all the grunt work and that's somehow being counted against you

[Anonymous]

There are very few things that parents do at the school that is considered grunt work. Most of it is time spent with their children.