6th grader refusing to go to school- help!!

[Anonymous]

The social worker is hideously wrong. Depriving him of things won’t help - though I surely wouldn’t be giving him electronics during school time. WHat is his care situation during the day when he’s not in school - is someone home with him? Is he getting assignments?

Clearly the issue is so emotionally tenuous that a situation unrelated to school is causing school anxiety. The child needs psychological help through medical means. What he’s getting is not enough.

In the meantime, he can’t give his mother any logical reason why school is not a safe place for him?

[Anonymous]

OMG people, are you reading OP's posts?

The boy was spending time at his father's place, where his father abused his younger stepbrother, in from of him, but mom wasn't able to do anything about it, because the father wasn't abusing her son with him.

Father is now dead. At some pint either before or after the death, the boy was self medicating with alcohol and pot! Where did the 6th grader get these things BTW?

He's been prescribed antidepressants but won't take them.

Yes, this boy should go for inpatient treatment. Poor kid. Refusing to go to school is the least of his mom's worries.

[Anonymous]

Contact Dr. Dalton here:
http://www.changeanxiety.com

You’ll see on the front page of the link above his talk on school refusal. He is in Rockville, and this is his specialty

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG people, are you reading OP's posts?

The boy was spending time at his father's place, where his father abused his younger stepbrother, in from of him, but mom wasn't able to do anything about it, because the father wasn't abusing her son with him.

Father is now dead. At some pint either before or after the death, the boy was self medicating with alcohol and pot! Where did the 6th grader get these things BTW?

He's been prescribed antidepressants but won't take them.

Yes, this boy should go for inpatient treatment. Poor kid. Refusing to go to school is the least of his mom's worries.

I don't think the kid who was self medicating and refusing to take his meds is the OP. Right?

OP, are they working with a psychiatrist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG people, are you reading OP's posts?

The boy was spending time at his father's place, where his father abused his younger stepbrother, in from of him, but mom wasn't able to do anything about it, because the father wasn't abusing her son with him.

Father is now dead. At some pint either before or after the death, the boy was self medicating with alcohol and pot! Where did the 6th grader get these things BTW?

He's been prescribed antidepressants but won't take them.

Yes, this boy should go for inpatient treatment. Poor kid. Refusing to go to school is the least of his mom's worries.

I don't think the kid who was self medicating and refusing to take his meds is the OP. Right?

OP, are they working with a psychiatrist?

Umm...not sure where you got the 2nd part.

Sorry I mis-spoke. It’s not his stepbrother, it’s an older half-brother.

Yes witnessed half-brother’s abuse. Father was neglectful (Mom suspects but son never out right told her what’s going on at father’s house) and half-brother made sure son got food. But Dad returned kid on Monday morning in same clothes as Friday. Suspected father was depressed and sleeping all weekend. But not sure. He was unemployed for awhile. But the past few years, employed and seems to have his depression under control. Half brother is over 18 now and living across the country.

Dad recently went to jail for abusing a girlfriend. Son’s behavior improved (but not great) will Dad was out of the picture for a few months. And no, she can’t get Dad out of the picture permanently. First, son loves his Dad and very protective of him. 2) she’s already gone the court route when Dad tried to get more time with him in attempt to reduce his child support.

He’s been evaluated and diagnosed recently with ADHD. I know he’s being medicated, but not sure what he’s taking. I think they suspected anxiety and depression but couldn’t make a formal diagnosis because the son was being difficult.

Mom is very loving. And does things to keep emotionally bonded to him. And when things are going well he is kind and helpful. Snuggles on couch with Mom while watching a movie. But when things are going bad, he is mean, stubborn and defiant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Contact Dr. Dalton here:
http://www.changeanxiety.com

You’ll see on the front page of the link above his talk on school refusal. He is in Rockville, and this is his specialty

Thank you for this. I will pass it along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he has trauma, taking everything away isn't going to help. Never take away sports. Child needs normal. I would do intensive therapy and homeschool for a few weeks, if possible.

+1

Does the kid have an outlet - karate, sports, fishing, anything.

The kid hates school I'm guessing (does he not fit in, bullying, bored?). Couple that with his trauma. Tip of the iceburg. Skipping school is probably the last thing I would tackle.

And maybe a non-traditional school would be a better fit for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend lost her husband and their children lost their father. Her son is in a deep depression—self medicating with alcohol and marijuana. Dr prescribed antidepressants which he refused to take. He won’t go to school and won’t leave his room.

She and his dr have decided that intensive short term in patient therapy is needed.

I thought the above was OP, giving further information about the friend and her son. OP, this wasn't you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend lost her husband and their children lost their father. Her son is in a deep depression—self medicating with alcohol and marijuana. Dr prescribed antidepressants which he refused to take. He won’t go to school and won’t leave his room.

She and his dr have decided that intensive short term in patient therapy is needed.

I thought the above was OP, giving further information about the friend and her son. OP, this wasn't you?

I’m the OP and I didn’t write this. I kinda wish the Dad would die. Other than child support, he is such a negative part of my friend’s son’s life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm no expert, but I'd focus on his recovering from the trauma way before I'd worry about him missing school. Taking away all his stuff just seems cruel.

I agree. Are they trying anything non-punitive?

Is he really able to go to school right now?

We worked with ours by telling him he had to GO. Period. Go into the school. If he couldn't stay he could come home. He could come home at any point. Obviously I was a SAHM.

His mental health was more important than education at that point.

[Anonymous]

Something tells me she's not a great mom after all. You've got your head in the sand if you beleive she is. Most of these issues co e from parenting. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something tells me she's not a great mom after all. You've got your head in the sand if you beleive she is. Most of these issues co e from parenting. Sorry.

Well, yeah... when a kid sees a sibling abused by their father and can't do anything, issues are bound to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG people, are you reading OP's posts?

The boy was spending time at his father's place, where his father abused his younger stepbrother, in from of him, but mom wasn't able to do anything about it, because the father wasn't abusing her son with him.

Father is now dead. At some pint either before or after the death, the boy was self medicating with alcohol and pot! Where did the 6th grader get these things BTW?

He's been prescribed antidepressants but won't take them.

Yes, this boy should go for inpatient treatment. Poor kid. Refusing to go to school is the least of his mom's worries.

Can you read?

The pot smoking, dead father kid is somekne else's teenager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His trauma is long term and I’m not sure inpatient would be helpful.
Dad (friend has been divorced since he was a toddler) would abuse his stepbrother in front of him. Mom couldn’t get custody removed because as long as the child is not abused, Dad has parental rights. So low levels of acting out most of his young life. He’s been in therapy for most of it. Within the past 6 months he’s moved to a therapist who specializes in trauma.

She is also working with a county social worker who is the one who put the remove everything plan into place.

Hoping others here had other suggestions.

PP here who suggested IEP and possibly PHP and IOP. Value of inpatient is this. It's a break to reset. It gives doctors an opportunity to figure out medication in a controlled setting. It gives a kid tools such as figuring out what triggers them and how to react when they are triggered. It gives kids the opportunity to meet other troubled kids - which can be a double edged sword but from what I've seen with my son, the good outweighs the potential for problems.

After inpatient kids often step down to PHP and then IOP. At the IOP stage they transition back to school with professional support. In addition to the benefit of the program's it gives parents an opportunity to get supports in place for success in school.

A full course of inpatient, PHP and IOP can be six weeks. If you look at extended PHP and IOP, like Northstar, I think that goes on for months, maybe even the full school year.

To people who think you can force a kid who is suffering from mental health issues to go to school, you are kidding yourselves. If they could go, they would. It isn't a behavior problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm no expert, but I'd focus on his recovering from the trauma way before I'd worry about him missing school. Taking away all his stuff just seems cruel.

I agree. Are they trying anything non-punitive?

Is he really able to go to school right now?

We worked with ours by telling him he had to GO. Period. Go into the school. If he couldn't stay he could come home. He could come home at any point. Obviously I was a SAHM.

His mental health was more important than education at that point.

She’s been trying non-punitive things for years. Has been trying this because nothing else has worked. She is doing this under the guidance of experts.

Everyone on here seems to think he’s going to recover from the trauma in a few weeks if he (went to in patient) or (was seeing a psychiatrist) or (mom wasn’t being punative). The kid has been in thereapy for years (at least since 4 or 5). He still has to regularly be with his dad. Who may not be hitting him, but probably is emotionally abusing him. And the courts will NOT reduce or eliminate visitation. His trauma will not be “cured” because is still in contact (and very much loves) his abuser.

I’m trying to help my very overwhelmed friend find more resources to help her.