Come in if you're in a happy marriage

[Anonymous]

Married 15 years but have known each other for 25. Two kids and expecting our third. We have always been very happy and it has never been a lot of work. I think we are both just very well suited to each other and to being married in general. We are low conflict people who are generally thoughtful and kind and who tend toward a general state of optimism. It’s mostly just our personalities and how we are wired.

[Anonymous]

Married almost 40 years.....I win! We have three kids who are all happily married with very good careers and now a whole army of grandchildren ages 4 and under. We waited 5 years before we had kids and we saved a lot so we never felt $ pressure as a young family. DH and I have always had a great relationship and while we have done things that frustrated the other, we have never really had a fight. DH was very successful so we are now both retired and enjoying being together. We are both in good health which really helps and we still have a pretty active sex life which also really helps.

[Anonymous]

I met my husband at 18, we’ve been together for18 years, married 13, 3 kids.

I would say it’s mostly luck. The thing is, I genuinely like him. He’s been my best friend for more than half my life now. We like to talk and laugh about the same things. There’s no one I’d rather hang out with and just shoot the shit than him. There’s been harder times in our marriage (right after the birth of each baby, primarily) but we got through it by sharing the burden and now we can laugh about how crazy it was. The sex is better than ever.

Mostly it’s pretty easy because we still want to spend time together, both with and without our kids. It doesn’t feel like work because it’s so effortless. I kind of feel like there’s something off of you have to put a lot of work and effort in, kwim? It’s the difference between trying to shove a round peg vs. a square peg through a round hole. One is much much easier than the other because it’s the right fit.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been with DH for 10 years married for 8. Three small children.

We have always been super happy and compatible. I knew I wanted to marry him by our third date. We talked about marriage three months in.

We have lots in common and would have been happy without kids but they have added so much joy (and stress) to our lives.

For us, I think it’s been luck that we stay so happy. We are really compatible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been married? Do you have kids and do you think that adds or detracts from your happiness as a married couple?

Do you think it's mostly luck that you're happy together or effort or both?

Married for 10 yrs. Lived together for 20 before getting married so we've been together for 30. Got married because we wanted a kid. I was 5 months pregnant when we got married. Best thing we ever did because DS gives us a lot of joy. We are a very happy family Luck and effort. Life's circumstances have been very good to us: we are very fortunate and very well off financially.

Admittedly, having a kid makes our relationship more difficult because adding another person to two brings in a different dynamic - we have a completely different lifestyle as parents, completely worth it though.

[Anonymous]

Married for 7, together for 11. Kids are 3.5 and 1.5.
I guess luck? Neither one of us is a score keeper and we don’t sweat the stuff. We don’t hold grudges.

Compared to my friends, I hit the husband jackpot. My husband notices when stuff around the house needs done and does it without being asked. He can grocery shop and get the right stuff without asking questions. He can put both kids to bed by himself and I can leave him with the kids without giving instructions. He does what he says he will, when he says he will. He looks for ways to make my life easier. I never feel the need to nag him.

We aren’t rich, but we are comfortable and we live within our means. Not worrying /fighting about money goes a long way to having a happy marriage. Money stress seems to bring out the worst in people. Luckily we have the same spending and saving priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been married for 12 years and have 2 kids in ES. We met and within a month moved in together and got engaged - we married about 6 months after we met. We had an instant connection and we are still really happy a dozen years later. We laugh a lot and have fun with the kids and each other. The kids haven’t had a negative effect on our relationship because we have very similar parenting styles. Also I was pregnant by our first anniversary so we got less than 2 years together before kids came into the equation and I was pregnant for almost half of that time. My friends can see that we are happy but I almost feel bad about it and really don’t go out of my way to spell it out for people because most of my friends seem to have more complicated relationships.

How old were you when you met?
Your marriage sounds amazing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married 15 years but have known each other for 25. Two kids and expecting our third. We have always been very happy and it has never been a lot of work. I think we are both just very well suited to each other and to being married in general. We are low conflict people who are generally thoughtful and kind and who tend toward a general state of optimism. It’s mostly just our personalities and how we are wired.

This is me as well. We heard planning a wedding together would be hard, it wasn’t. We heard living together would be hard after dating long distance, it wasn’t. We heard the stress and cost of infertility treatments would put a strain on our marriage, it made us closer. We heard the first year with kids was something to survive - we enjoyed the baby phase with both our kids and every year gets better.

I grew up with parents who fought all the time and a mom who incessantly nags my dad, assumes he is incompetent and assumes negative intent from everyone. I learned a lot about how not to have a happy marriage from my parents who are still bickering constantly after 47 years.

[Anonymous]

Married 17 years, no kids, wildly happy together and have a lot of fun just in the day to day. I don't think it was luck, I think we'd both done a lot of work on ourselves already and were ready for each other when we met, and not into any BS, game playing, that sort of thing. Emotional and mental maturity goes a long way towards creating a happy, healthy marriage.

Obviously I can't comment on whether kids help/hurt a marriage but I will say I know many happily married couples with kids of all ages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been married? Do you have kids and do you think that adds or detracts from your happiness as a married couple?

Do you think it's mostly luck that you're happy together or effort or both?

Married 32 years, 4 grown kids. Kids definitely add to our happiness, and we're looking forward to grandkids. Combo of luck (we married young at ages 23 and 29) that we always liked each other a whole lot, and also effort (in that we committed to regular date nights and couple time).

Love him more than anything. He's sweet, smart, funny, loving, kind, generous, and overall amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been married? Do you have kids and do you think that adds or detracts from your happiness as a married couple?

Do you think it's mostly luck that you're happy together or effort or both?

18 years, no kids. We’re best friends and a good match, personality-wise. We mostly value the same things, have a similar sense of humor and are equal in terms of intellect.

I could've written this post, except I have no physical attraction to DH and a terrible sex life. Do you mesh well on that level too?

My DH and I get along fantastic, we have a lot of fun still. Our sex life is much, much sex but it's OK.

[Anonymous]

Almost 9 years together, the kids are mine (three are adults and have their own lives), neither of us want more, and I'm much happier than I was in my last marriage. I left that marriage for that reason, because when you feel restless inside all the time and you cannot settle, something isn't right.

[Anonymous]

9 years this year. Been together something like 13.

Effort by both of us: learning patience, learning to forgive, therapy and self-work when needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9 years this year. Been together something like 13.

Effort by both of us: learning patience, learning to forgive, therapy and self-work when needed.

Oh, and no kids, which certainly allows us the time to focus on each other and ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been married for 12 years and have 2 kids in ES. We met and within a month moved in together and got engaged - we married about 6 months after we met. We had an instant connection and we are still really happy a dozen years later. We laugh a lot and have fun with the kids and each other. The kids haven’t had a negative effect on our relationship because we have very similar parenting styles. Also I was pregnant by our first anniversary so we got less than 2 years together before kids came into the equation and I was pregnant for almost half of that time. My friends can see that we are happy but I almost feel bad about it and really don’t go out of my way to spell it out for people because most of my friends seem to have more complicated relationships.

How old were you when you met?
Your marriage sounds amazing

I was 27 and he was 28. Coincidentally my parents got married after knowing each other less than a month and they are still together 40+ years later!