step dad shoved my son hard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stepdad was in an emergent situation, faced with the violent mom and unpredictable behavior. He correctly tried to remove your son from the situation so he would be safe. Instead of following the adult’s request, your son wanted to argue with him about it. Think the stepdad did the right thing here, needed to be forceful to remove your son to a safe setting rather than leaving him exposed to what sounds like a violent mother. I’d be more concerned about the son’s safety with the mother than about the stepfather shoving him to get him to a safe spot. You should be thanking the stepdad for making your son’s safety the first priority, then you should be taking action to remove your son from whatever custody he has with his mom, for the son’s safety. The stepdad wasn’t trying to harm your son, he was trying to keep him safe. Seems bizarre you are worrying about the man trying to protect your son, rather than worrying about your son’s safety with the mom.

Trust me, I worry about that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP said the step dad told the child that the child himself was the problem when the kid asked what was wrong.

So that's like my husband losing it and throwing things, my son asking me what's wrong, and me telling my son, "YOU are what's wrong."

I would be concerned on all fronts, OP. Shoving a kid away from a parent who's having an episode could be acceptable, assuming it's a protective shove and not one with malice. But the comment that the child is the problem is very concerning.

I missed this when I first read it because OP was so focussed on the stepfather being the bad guy. He implied that the kid was a totally innocent bystander who was assaulted.

OP, does your son have behavioral issues? How are they being managed? Is it consistent across both homes? Are both parents on board with discipline etc?

He has the normal behavior issues of a kid whose parents don’t talk. And by that I mean his mother does not speak to me, she only emails (we’ve been divorced for over 10years at this point). It is impossible to be consistent since there is no communication. I communicate with her but she usually does the exact opposite of anything I tell her I am doing.

I’ll give you an example. My son got lice from his 7 year old brother while here. We didn’t realize my 7 year old had lice until after my son had gone back to his moms. For my 7 year old, we just lathered him up with conditioner every night and used the lice comb every night for four weeks straight. A PITA, but it did the trick and we didn’t have to use the chemical stuff you get at the drug store. I told her of this approach, which you would think would appeal to her homeopathic nature. But no, she went to the drug store and bought the lice products with all the chemicals in it, which made no sense to me at all. This is a woman who does not believe in the flu vaccine.

His mom typically will not engage in any conversation that causes her pain or conflict. She walks away and does not respond. She moved when he was 7 and didn’t tell my son until the night before he left for my house that he would not come back to the home he had lived in since he was 2. He was understandably a mess. The courts declined to change custody at that point though, it was apparently not egregious enough.

I guess, in short, yes. There are behavior issues. The step dad has gotten into verbal arguments with my son and at times, has been borderline verbally abusive. This was probably his first exposure to my ex wife’s fits of rage, but it won’t be the last.

These fits are usually few and far between (once every three or so years) and are usually associated with alcohol consumption.

You let your kid have lice for 4 weeks straight instead of treating it the proper way???

No. No. No.

That is how you spread lice to other kids.

Your wife was right and you were in the wrong with the lice.

Um no. Please do some basic research on dealing with lice. The chemicals are so overused there are resistant lice.

While you are treating over 4 weeks, you infect a lot of other people which is really selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP said the step dad told the child that the child himself was the problem when the kid asked what was wrong.

So that's like my husband losing it and throwing things, my son asking me what's wrong, and me telling my son, "YOU are what's wrong."

I would be concerned on all fronts, OP. Shoving a kid away from a parent who's having an episode could be acceptable, assuming it's a protective shove and not one with malice. But the comment that the child is the problem is very concerning.

I missed this when I first read it because OP was so focussed on the stepfather being the bad guy. He implied that the kid was a totally innocent bystander who was assaulted.

OP, does your son have behavioral issues? How are they being managed? Is it consistent across both homes? Are both parents on board with discipline etc?

He has the normal behavior issues of a kid whose parents don’t talk. And by that I mean his mother does not speak to me, she only emails (we’ve been divorced for over 10years at this point). It is impossible to be consistent since there is no communication. I communicate with her but she usually does the exact opposite of anything I tell her I am doing.

I’ll give you an example. My son got lice from his 7 year old brother while here. We didn’t realize my 7 year old had lice until after my son had gone back to his moms. For my 7 year old, we just lathered him up with conditioner every night and used the lice comb every night for four weeks straight. A PITA, but it did the trick and we didn’t have to use the chemical stuff you get at the drug store. I told her of this approach, which you would think would appeal to her homeopathic nature. But no, she went to the drug store and bought the lice products with all the chemicals in it, which made no sense to me at all. This is a woman who does not believe in the flu vaccine.

His mom typically will not engage in any conversation that causes her pain or conflict. She walks away and does not respond. She moved when he was 7 and didn’t tell my son until the night before he left for my house that he would not come back to the home he had lived in since he was 2. He was understandably a mess. The courts declined to change custody at that point though, it was apparently not egregious enough.

I guess, in short, yes. There are behavior issues. The step dad has gotten into verbal arguments with my son and at times, has been borderline verbally abusive. This was probably his first exposure to my ex wife’s fits of rage, but it won’t be the last.

These fits are usually few and far between (once every three or so years) and are usually associated with alcohol consumption.

You let your kid have lice for 4 weeks straight instead of treating it the proper way???

No. No. No.

That is how you spread lice to other kids.

Your wife was right and you were in the wrong with the lice.

Um no. Please do some basic research on dealing with lice. The chemicals are so overused there are resistant lice.

While you are treating over 4 weeks, you infect a lot of other people which is really selfish.

I’m not sure you understand how a lice comb works, particularly when it comes to two boys with hair shorter than an inch. Do your research, then we’ll talk.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the step dad was dealing with a crises, he could have been worried about your son being hurt his mom and wanted your child away from the situation. If it's an isolated incident with the step dad, I don't think his actions were unreasonable considering the circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP said the step dad told the child that the child himself was the problem when the kid asked what was wrong.

So that's like my husband losing it and throwing things, my son asking me what's wrong, and me telling my son, "YOU are what's wrong."

I would be concerned on all fronts, OP. Shoving a kid away from a parent who's having an episode could be acceptable, assuming it's a protective shove and not one with malice. But the comment that the child is the problem is very concerning.

I missed this when I first read it because OP was so focussed on the stepfather being the bad guy. He implied that the kid was a totally innocent bystander who was assaulted.

OP, does your son have behavioral issues? How are they being managed? Is it consistent across both homes? Are both parents on board with discipline etc?

He has the normal behavior issues of a kid whose parents don’t talk. And by that I mean his mother does not speak to me, she only emails (we’ve been divorced for over 10years at this point). It is impossible to be consistent since there is no communication. I communicate with her but she usually does the exact opposite of anything I tell her I am doing.

I’ll give you an example. My son got lice from his 7 year old brother while here. We didn’t realize my 7 year old had lice until after my son had gone back to his moms. For my 7 year old, we just lathered him up with conditioner every night and used the lice comb every night for four weeks straight. A PITA, but it did the trick and we didn’t have to use the chemical stuff you get at the drug store. I told her of this approach, which you would think would appeal to her homeopathic nature. But no, she went to the drug store and bought the lice products with all the chemicals in it, which made no sense to me at all. This is a woman who does not believe in the flu vaccine.

His mom typically will not engage in any conversation that causes her pain or conflict. She walks away and does not respond. She moved when he was 7 and didn’t tell my son until the night before he left for my house that he would not come back to the home he had lived in since he was 2. He was understandably a mess. The courts declined to change custody at that point though, it was apparently not egregious enough.

I guess, in short, yes. There are behavior issues. The step dad has gotten into verbal arguments with my son and at times, has been borderline verbally abusive. This was probably his first exposure to my ex wife’s fits of rage, but it won’t be the last.

These fits are usually few and far between (once every three or so years) and are usually associated with alcohol consumption.

You let your kid have lice for 4 weeks straight instead of treating it the proper way???

No. No. No.

That is how you spread lice to other kids.

Your wife was right and you were in the wrong with the lice.

Um no. Please do some basic research on dealing with lice. The chemicals are so overused there are resistant lice.

While you are treating over 4 weeks, you infect a lot of other people which is really selfish.

I’m not sure you understand how a lice comb works, particularly when it comes to two boys with hair shorter than an inch. Do your research, then we’ll talk.

Use common sense and treat your kids and stop infecting others. You are selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP said the step dad told the child that the child himself was the problem when the kid asked what was wrong.

So that's like my husband losing it and throwing things, my son asking me what's wrong, and me telling my son, "YOU are what's wrong."

I would be concerned on all fronts, OP. Shoving a kid away from a parent who's having an episode could be acceptable, assuming it's a protective shove and not one with malice. But the comment that the child is the problem is very concerning.

I missed this when I first read it because OP was so focussed on the stepfather being the bad guy. He implied that the kid was a totally innocent bystander who was assaulted.

OP, does your son have behavioral issues? How are they being managed? Is it consistent across both homes? Are both parents on board with discipline etc?

He has the normal behavior issues of a kid whose parents don’t talk. And by that I mean his mother does not speak to me, she only emails (we’ve been divorced for over 10years at this point). It is impossible to be consistent since there is no communication. I communicate with her but she usually does the exact opposite of anything I tell her I am doing.

I’ll give you an example. My son got lice from his 7 year old brother while here. We didn’t realize my 7 year old had lice until after my son had gone back to his moms. For my 7 year old, we just lathered him up with conditioner every night and used the lice comb every night for four weeks straight. A PITA, but it did the trick and we didn’t have to use the chemical stuff you get at the drug store. I told her of this approach, which you would think would appeal to her homeopathic nature. But no, she went to the drug store and bought the lice products with all the chemicals in it, which made no sense to me at all. This is a woman who does not believe in the flu vaccine.

His mom typically will not engage in any conversation that causes her pain or conflict. She walks away and does not respond. She moved when he was 7 and didn’t tell my son until the night before he left for my house that he would not come back to the home he had lived in since he was 2. He was understandably a mess. The courts declined to change custody at that point though, it was apparently not egregious enough.

I guess, in short, yes. There are behavior issues. The step dad has gotten into verbal arguments with my son and at times, has been borderline verbally abusive. This was probably his first exposure to my ex wife’s fits of rage, but it won’t be the last.

These fits are usually few and far between (once every three or so years) and are usually associated with alcohol consumption.

You let your kid have lice for 4 weeks straight instead of treating it the proper way???

No. No. No.

That is how you spread lice to other kids.

Your wife was right and you were in the wrong with the lice.

Um no. Please do some basic research on dealing with lice. The chemicals are so overused there are resistant lice.

While you are treating over 4 weeks, you infect a lot of other people which is really selfish.

I’m not sure you understand how a lice comb works, particularly when it comes to two boys with hair shorter than an inch. Do your research, then we’ll talk.

Use common sense and treat your kids and stop infecting others. You are selfish.

Troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP said the step dad told the child that the child himself was the problem when the kid asked what was wrong.

So that's like my husband losing it and throwing things, my son asking me what's wrong, and me telling my son, "YOU are what's wrong."

I would be concerned on all fronts, OP. Shoving a kid away from a parent who's having an episode could be acceptable, assuming it's a protective shove and not one with malice. But the comment that the child is the problem is very concerning.

I missed this when I first read it because OP was so focussed on the stepfather being the bad guy. He implied that the kid was a totally innocent bystander who was assaulted.

OP, does your son have behavioral issues? How are they being managed? Is it consistent across both homes? Are both parents on board with discipline etc?

He has the normal behavior issues of a kid whose parents don’t talk. And by that I mean his mother does not speak to me, she only emails (we’ve been divorced for over 10years at this point). It is impossible to be consistent since there is no communication. I communicate with her but she usually does the exact opposite of anything I tell her I am doing.

I’ll give you an example. My son got lice from his 7 year old brother while here. We didn’t realize my 7 year old had lice until after my son had gone back to his moms. For my 7 year old, we just lathered him up with conditioner every night and used the lice comb every night for four weeks straight. A PITA, but it did the trick and we didn’t have to use the chemical stuff you get at the drug store. I told her of this approach, which you would think would appeal to her homeopathic nature. But no, she went to the drug store and bought the lice products with all the chemicals in it, which made no sense to me at all. This is a woman who does not believe in the flu vaccine.

His mom typically will not engage in any conversation that causes her pain or conflict. She walks away and does not respond. She moved when he was 7 and didn’t tell my son until the night before he left for my house that he would not come back to the home he had lived in since he was 2. He was understandably a mess. The courts declined to change custody at that point though, it was apparently not egregious enough.

I guess, in short, yes. There are behavior issues. The step dad has gotten into verbal arguments with my son and at times, has been borderline verbally abusive. This was probably his first exposure to my ex wife’s fits of rage, but it won’t be the last.

These fits are usually few and far between (once every three or so years) and are usually associated with alcohol consumption.

You let your kid have lice for 4 weeks straight instead of treating it the proper way???

No. No. No.

That is how you spread lice to other kids.

Your wife was right and you were in the wrong with the lice.

Um no. Please do some basic research on dealing with lice. The chemicals are so overused there are resistant lice.

While you are treating over 4 weeks, you infect a lot of other people which is really selfish.

I’m not sure you understand how a lice comb works, particularly when it comes to two boys with hair shorter than an inch. Do your research, then we’ll talk.

Use common sense and treat your kids and stop infecting others. You are selfish.

OT but totally agree. My child is having freaking lice ALL THE TIME since November. I deal with it, clean it completely... then a few weeks later, bam! I now inspect her head every week just as a precaution. Her friends/classmates parents much do the same approach of OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP said the step dad told the child that the child himself was the problem when the kid asked what was wrong.

So that's like my husband losing it and throwing things, my son asking me what's wrong, and me telling my son, "YOU are what's wrong."

I would be concerned on all fronts, OP. Shoving a kid away from a parent who's having an episode could be acceptable, assuming it's a protective shove and not one with malice. But the comment that the child is the problem is very concerning.

I missed this when I first read it because OP was so focussed on the stepfather being the bad guy. He implied that the kid was a totally innocent bystander who was assaulted.

OP, does your son have behavioral issues? How are they being managed? Is it consistent across both homes? Are both parents on board with discipline etc?

He has the normal behavior issues of a kid whose parents don’t talk. And by that I mean his mother does not speak to me, she only emails (we’ve been divorced for over 10years at this point). It is impossible to be consistent since there is no communication. I communicate with her but she usually does the exact opposite of anything I tell her I am doing.

I’ll give you an example. My son got lice from his 7 year old brother while here. We didn’t realize my 7 year old had lice until after my son had gone back to his moms. For my 7 year old, we just lathered him up with conditioner every night and used the lice comb every night for four weeks straight. A PITA, but it did the trick and we didn’t have to use the chemical stuff you get at the drug store. I told her of this approach, which you would think would appeal to her homeopathic nature. But no, she went to the drug store and bought the lice products with all the chemicals in it, which made no sense to me at all. This is a woman who does not believe in the flu vaccine.

His mom typically will not engage in any conversation that causes her pain or conflict. She walks away and does not respond. She moved when he was 7 and didn’t tell my son until the night before he left for my house that he would not come back to the home he had lived in since he was 2. He was understandably a mess. The courts declined to change custody at that point though, it was apparently not egregious enough.

I guess, in short, yes. There are behavior issues. The step dad has gotten into verbal arguments with my son and at times, has been borderline verbally abusive. This was probably his first exposure to my ex wife’s fits of rage, but it won’t be the last.

These fits are usually few and far between (once every three or so years) and are usually associated with alcohol consumption.

You let your kid have lice for 4 weeks straight instead of treating it the proper way???

No. No. No.

That is how you spread lice to other kids.

Your wife was right and you were in the wrong with the lice.

Um no. Please do some basic research on dealing with lice. The chemicals are so overused there are resistant lice.

While you are treating over 4 weeks, you infect a lot of other people which is really selfish.

I’m not sure you understand how a lice comb works, particularly when it comes to two boys with hair shorter than an inch. Do your research, then we’ll talk.

Use common sense and treat your kids and stop infecting others. You are selfish.

OT but totally agree. My child is having freaking lice ALL THE TIME since November. I deal with it, clean it completely... then a few weeks later, bam! I now inspect her head every week just as a precaution. Her friends/classmates parents much do the same approach of OP.

How is your kid getting lice that often? You need to get rid of it and keep it away. My kid has never had lice and we do preventative like fairy tales products.