Families who have gone from public to private: what has been the biggest difference?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We haven't found that. There is a lot of accountability for turning in work on time, showing up on time, etc --- in fact more than we found at APS. We have also insisted our kids have summer jobs, etc -- underscoring the importance of working not expecting things to be delivered to you. Good luck with your decision!

Thanks!

And yes, that is something that will be really important to us as DC gets older. She'll be working over the summer and earning her spending money.

[Anonymous]

I taught in private but my kids go to public.

The difference is not necessarily the education--though private schools have muuuuuch more autonomy in how they structure curriculum and how many standardized tests they must administer.

When going private, you are paying for a service, and the teachers/admins focus is more consumer-based than in public. They want their consumers (parents/kids) to be happy with the product and they work hard to make sure you are happy--out of necessity. It works both ways though. When you send your kid to private, you are paying for a service, so you tend to be more invested in it, as are all the other families who are attending with your child. So just by virtue of the investment, you are surrounding your kid with other kids whose families are saying "this is important enough for me to spend my money on" and they are saying they value their educational experience/environment with their checkbooks. You'll likely have fewer behavior issues (b/c they will not be "invited" to return if they are a continual problem) and the other kids will do their homework (parents insist on it).

Not that you can't get these things (good behavior and kids doing homework) in public school when the area is a good one...but it is not a given as it is in most private settings. We send our kids to public because I can't (won't?) justify paying the high tuition, but we are so far happy with our public school. It's a tradeoff though.

[Anonymous]

Went from APS to private. Biggest difference was the lack of standardized testing and all that involves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, everyone. One additional question: Did you ever feel as though the school was catering *too* much to your kid? In other words, was your kid getting a sense of entitlement? We really want to balance making sure our kid gets a high quality education with trying to avoid her feeling a sense of entitlement. I know it's really hard to do, and that there are plenty of entitled kids in public schools, but I wonder if it's a risk in having such small class sizes.

Hi OP, it’s 10:15 again.

I don’t think DD has a sense of entitlement. What she sees is that her teachers and the school staff care about her as a student and as a member of the school community. They provide opportunities for her to develop her sense of self and find her find her voice (both in the classroom and through extra curriculars). Frankly, I wish every child could have the level of care and instruction that DD and her classmates receive (regardless of ability or income). DD’s school also requires community service projects (throughout the year) that help the kids keep things in perspective. DH and I also remind DD that she and her classmates are privileged and that she should never take it for granted. Balanace can be hard but is worth it (to us) because she has evolved in amazing ways since she began at her school.

One of the best moments since DD began at the school is when DH and I went in for our first parent conference. A member of the custodial crew saw us walk in together and then approached us a few minutes later. She asked if DD was our daughter and then said that she’s always polite and friendly. DD holds the door for her and says thank you when she takes her plate at lunch, etc. That means that DD is getting the message that she is to treat everyone with respect regardless of their position in life.

The entitlement exists, for sure, but parents can do a lot to counteract it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, this is really helpful. We are looking at private, but haven't made a final decision yet. DH doesn't have any experience with private school, whereas I do (though it was only for HS). These insights help frame our thinking!

thumb up for private school over public school

My son who just recently graduated from college could have attended public Langley HS. Instead his mother sent him to Sidwell and it was the best thing we did for him. Private school taught him critical thinking which is something they taught in public school. My daughter didn't get accepted into Sidwell so she attended Langley HS and don't get me wrong, Langley HS is a good school but it is NOT Sidwell. She was a good student at Langley HS but she is really struggling at UVA.

my 2c

OP here. I totally agree. I went to public for ES and MS, and then Andover for HS. It completely changed me (for the better!). In my MS--despite its being a strong public school--it wasn't "cool" to enjoy learning. I got made fun of for answering questions. The kids just wanted to get A's so they could go to a good college and make a ton of money.

At Andover, everyone is a nerd and has their own passion. It was awesome. I learned how to think critically on a level I think my local HS would not have provided. I learned how to cope with a ton of academic pressure. I learned that, even though I was at the top of my class in MS, I would never be the smartest kid in any of my classes at Andover. I had friends who tested out of BC calculus their freshman year. They ended up doing an independent math seminar. I had a friend who invented a new geometry theorem. I had a friend whose curation work at one of Andover's museums won her a Rhodes scholarship. These kids were just on a different level, and it was a very humbling experience.

Anyway, long story short -- I think a strong private HS can be an incredible experience. In some ways, it can almost ruin college for a kid because you basically end up going to the rough equivalent of a liberal arts college for high school (that's a different story altogether, and speaks to the importance of picking the right college for a kid who has had such a robust HS experience). I just don't have exposure to lower school privates, so it's helpful to hear other people's experiences.

Interesting. We just made the decision to NOT send DC to a private boarding up in New England for precisely this reason. What would college teach DC that would be more or better than a potential board experience? This is not to say that boards are bad because places like Andover and SPS are great schools. But aside from churning more DCs to the Ivies than private options here in DC, I'm not convinced that the right DC private couldn't also strongly benefit and harness top intellectual talent, prepping DC for an Ivie or equivalent for college. Again, I like the boards, but it's also nice for kids to be able to enjoy the ride a bit. They will all reach that harkness level of academic nirvana in college. A different view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, this is really helpful. We are looking at private, but haven't made a final decision yet. DH doesn't have any experience with private school, whereas I do (though it was only for HS). These insights help frame our thinking!

thumb up for private school over public school

My son who just recently graduated from college could have attended public Langley HS. Instead his mother sent him to Sidwell and it was the best thing we did for him. Private school taught him critical thinking which is something they taught in public school. My daughter didn't get accepted into Sidwell so she attended Langley HS and don't get me wrong, Langley HS is a good school but it is NOT Sidwell. She was a good student at Langley HS but she is really struggling at UVA.

my 2c

OP here. I totally agree. I went to public for ES and MS, and then Andover for HS. It completely changed me (for the better!). In my MS--despite its being a strong public school--it wasn't "cool" to enjoy learning. I got made fun of for answering questions. The kids just wanted to get A's so they could go to a good college and make a ton of money.

At Andover, everyone is a nerd and has their own passion. It was awesome. I learned how to think critically on a level I think my local HS would not have provided. I learned how to cope with a ton of academic pressure. I learned that, even though I was at the top of my class in MS, I would never be the smartest kid in any of my classes at Andover. I had friends who tested out of BC calculus their freshman year. They ended up doing an independent math seminar. I had a friend who invented a new geometry theorem. I had a friend whose curation work at one of Andover's museums won her a Rhodes scholarship. These kids were just on a different level, and it was a very humbling experience.

Anyway, long story short -- I think a strong private HS can be an incredible experience. In some ways, it can almost ruin college for a kid because you basically end up going to the rough equivalent of a liberal arts college for high school (that's a different story altogether, and speaks to the importance of picking the right college for a kid who has had such a robust HS experience). I just don't have exposure to lower school privates, so it's helpful to hear other people's experiences.

Interesting. We just made the decision to NOT send DC to a private boarding up in New England for precisely this reason. What would college teach DC that would be more or better than a potential board experience? This is not to say that boards are bad because places like Andover and SPS are great schools. But aside from churning more DCs to the Ivies than private options here in DC, I'm not convinced that the right DC private couldn't also strongly benefit and harness top intellectual talent, prepping DC for an Ivie or equivalent for college. Again, I like the boards, but it's also nice for kids to be able to enjoy the ride a bit. They will all reach that harkness level of academic nirvana in college. A different view.

OP here. Yeah, you have to be really careful about the college experience. I was bored in college, though part of that might have been because I went to a professionally oriented school (Georgetown SFS). It was helpful from an educational standpoint, but I didn't find it very intellectually stimulating. A different college might have provided more of that cerebral feel.

What I will say is that the boarding environment provides a level of diversity a day school can't provide. You meet kids from all over. The economic disparities among kids also aren't *quite* as apparent. It's not like they aren't there at all, but there's a certain leveling out that happens when everyone is staying in the dorms and no one can bring cars to campus. My sister went to Horace Mann and thought the social environment was crazy ... rich kids being let loose in NYC, right?

Anyway, from an academic standpoint, Andover is totally equivalent to Sidwell, NCS, and other top DC privates. That's definite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:APS through 5th, then private. Also had a child who went K-12 at APS. Biggest differences we saw:

* Much stronger writing instruction -- and in virtually every class (history, science, even math)
* (Obviously) much smaller classes (average size 12-15) -- means that more introverted students are invited into the conversation every day. They cover a lot of material more quickly, as fewer distractions. Lots of class discussions.
* A real effort to ensure every student is engaged in something outside of coursework. Participation in extra- curriculars is required, and they work with students to ensure they find their passions.

Not a knock on APS -- we were very happy with our older child's education. But as more students are in APS schools, it is simply harder for teachers to meet each child where they are.

Complete in agreement with the statement "Much stronger writing instruction -- and in virtually every class (history, science, even math" in private school."

For public schools in Fairfax County, with the exception of TJ, I don't think you will find any better schools than either Mclean or Langley. Even @Mclean and Langley HS, I am not very impressed with the writing either.

By law, every kid has the right to attend public schools. I can say from experience that about half of the kids at public schools are unteachable. They are there because it is required by the law.

In private schools, it is by invitation only. Unless your family is the school big donor, the school will not tolerate bad behaviors, laziness and class disruption. For 40+k/year in tuition, the parents have skins in the game to push the kid to succeed.

I wish I could have attended private schools to improve my writing skills.

I was a product of Annandale HS in FCPS . No need to further.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Went from APS to private. Biggest difference was the lack of standardized testing and all that involves.

I hear this a lot, but my kids went to a private school that did the ERBs every year from 3rd to 8th grade. It was every morning for a full week. Then PSATs/SATs starting in 9th grade. I thought ERBs were the norm in private schools around here. Is that not the case?

[Anonymous]

Funny how public v private pretty much makes zero difference when actually out in the workforce. I see no evidence that private school kids in my field are better critical thinkers, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, everyone. One additional question: Did you ever feel as though the school was catering *too* much to your kid? In other words, was your kid getting a sense of entitlement? We really want to balance making sure our kid gets a high quality education with trying to avoid her feeling a sense of entitlement. I know it's really hard to do, and that there are plenty of entitled kids in public schools, but I wonder if it's a risk in having such small class sizes.

I don't think small class sizes create a sense of entitlement; rather, they instill accountability. My oldest, who's about to graduate from college, said this about the small class size at his DC independent school: "You can run, but you can't hide."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, this is really helpful. We are looking at private, but haven't made a final decision yet. DH doesn't have any experience with private school, whereas I do (though it was only for HS). These insights help frame our thinking!

thumb up for private school over public school

My son who just recently graduated from college could have attended public Langley HS. Instead his mother sent him to Sidwell and it was the best thing we did for him. Private school taught him critical thinking which is something they taught in public school. My daughter didn't get accepted into Sidwell so she attended Langley HS and don't get me wrong, Langley HS is a good school but it is NOT Sidwell. She was a good student at Langley HS but she is really struggling at UVA.

my 2c

OP here. I totally agree. I went to public for ES and MS, and then Andover for HS. It completely changed me (for the better!). In my MS--despite its being a strong public school--it wasn't "cool" to enjoy learning. I got made fun of for answering questions. The kids just wanted to get A's so they could go to a good college and make a ton of money.

At Andover, everyone is a nerd and has their own passion. It was awesome. I learned how to think critically on a level I think my local HS would not have provided. I learned how to cope with a ton of academic pressure. I learned that, even though I was at the top of my class in MS, I would never be the smartest kid in any of my classes at Andover. I had friends who tested out of BC calculus their freshman year. They ended up doing an independent math seminar. I had a friend who invented a new geometry theorem. I had a friend whose curation work at one of Andover's museums won her a Rhodes scholarship. These kids were just on a different level, and it was a very humbling experience.

Anyway, long story short -- I think a strong private HS can be an incredible experience. In some ways, it can almost ruin college for a kid because you basically end up going to the rough equivalent of a liberal arts college for high school (that's a different story altogether, and speaks to the importance of picking the right college for a kid who has had such a robust HS experience). I just don't have exposure to lower school privates, so it's helpful to hear other people's experiences.

Thanks for sharing your perspective. What school would you consider sending your kids to in the DMV? I ask because while I didn't go to Andover, I went to Boarding school in England and had an awesome experience. Unfortunately, I don't think we can afford boarding school for our son and he has a brother that is 2 1/2 years younger than him and I really can't see splitting them up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny how public v private pretty much makes zero difference when actually out in the workforce. I see no evidence that private school kids in my field are better critical thinkers, etc.

I’ve chosen private because I want DD to enjoy her educational experience- something that was not happening in her public school. What will happen later (in terms of college and career) is not our focus right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, this is really helpful. We are looking at private, but haven't made a final decision yet. DH doesn't have any experience with private school, whereas I do (though it was only for HS). These insights help frame our thinking!

thumb up for private school over public school

My son who just recently graduated from college could have attended public Langley HS. Instead his mother sent him to Sidwell and it was the best thing we did for him. Private school taught him critical thinking which is something they taught in public school. My daughter didn't get accepted into Sidwell so she attended Langley HS and don't get me wrong, Langley HS is a good school but it is NOT Sidwell. She was a good student at Langley HS but she is really struggling at UVA.

my 2c

OP here. I totally agree. I went to public for ES and MS, and then Andover for HS. It completely changed me (for the better!). In my MS--despite its being a strong public school--it wasn't "cool" to enjoy learning. I got made fun of for answering questions. The kids just wanted to get A's so they could go to a good college and make a ton of money.

At Andover, everyone is a nerd and has their own passion. It was awesome. I learned how to think critically on a level I think my local HS would not have provided. I learned how to cope with a ton of academic pressure. I learned that, even though I was at the top of my class in MS, I would never be the smartest kid in any of my classes at Andover. I had friends who tested out of BC calculus their freshman year. They ended up doing an independent math seminar. I had a friend who invented a new geometry theorem. I had a friend whose curation work at one of Andover's museums won her a Rhodes scholarship. These kids were just on a different level, and it was a very humbling experience.

Anyway, long story short -- I think a strong private HS can be an incredible experience. In some ways, it can almost ruin college for a kid because you basically end up going to the rough equivalent of a liberal arts college for high school (that's a different story altogether, and speaks to the importance of picking the right college for a kid who has had such a robust HS experience). I just don't have exposure to lower school privates, so it's helpful to hear other people's experiences.

Thanks for sharing your perspective. What school would you consider sending your kids to in the DMV? I ask because while I didn't go to Andover, I went to Boarding school in England and had an awesome experience. Unfortunately, I don't think we can afford boarding school for our son and he has a brother that is 2 1/2 years younger than him and I really can't see splitting them up.

We’re still very early in the learning process, so I’m not sure. We’re in MoCo. What would you recommend? It would be for lower school.

[Anonymous]

Everyone has touched on a lot of the aspects. For me, (and you can take this as a positive or a negative, it’s both) it was easier to “hover” more and become a helicopter parent. With all of the additional involvement in private schools, it’s very tempted to over insert yourself. I have to take a step back sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone has touched on a lot of the aspects. For me, (and you can take this as a positive or a negative, it’s both) it was easier to “hover” more and become a helicopter parent. With all of the additional involvement in private schools, it’s very tempted to over insert yourself. I have to take a step back sometimes.

Interestingly, I have found the exact opposite. In public school, my retiring child needed some pushing occasionally and that was me. No one else was going to do it. In private, her teachers and adviser have said (and demonstrated) that they're there to help the kids find their own voice and start to use it. I'm having to hold back because I was so used to being a part of everything, but it's great to send an email to my child's adviser about an issue, have the adviser respond back that my child had already brought up the issue and they were taking care of it, and my child would let me know what was going on.

While I suppose I could hover as much as I did in public, there are definite barriers in my way - e.g. the adviser not leaving my child out of the process. And definite encouragements - e.g. when I state a concern, I'm told it's already being handled. It's been fantastic for my child.