DS spending money on girlfriend

[Anonymous]

I think the PPs who alluded to sex or her "putting out" are right. I don't think that a college guy should be paying for everything, but the fact is that your son is getting SOMETHING in return for spending that money. Maybe he feels good about himself. Maybe it's like he's paying for sex. I'm not sure what you can do about it.

[Anonymous]

They'd probably have sex if they want to regardless of whether he was paying or not. You can't be telling me that the only girls in college having sex are doing so with guys who are paying. Bc that would mean that guys living the student life aren't getting any -- and I don't recall it being like that in college. It's not DCUM where making under 200k disqualifies you from dating . . . .

Sure there are some girls who want a rich guy so they don't have to do the student living thing -- instead they can go out all the time, go shopping etc. But the fact that this guy is treating for food doesn't suggest that. I don't recall OP saying he's buying her clothing or jewelry.

[Anonymous]

How can he afford all this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by the replies. First we have no idea how much money this kid is spending on his girlfriend. Second, cmon, it's nice if a boyfriend pays for stuff sometimes, or more than not. I don't think a mom should encourage her son to be cheap. That's not going to serve him well in the dating world or marriage.

And I say this as someone who frequently and happily splits the bill on dates....but it's nice if a guy pays some / more....

Should the "girls" stay home and have dinner on the table at a certain time, too, after they graduate? Not be allowed to work?

Why do the men need to treat the women like equals in the work place, voting booth, etc., but then treat the women like infants on dates? It used to be that women had no petty cash because they were not allowed to work, didn't have money, etc.

It's not the 1950s.

Men not paying everything is not being "cheap."

[Anonymous]

OP gives him a huge budget and pays tuition and doesn’t want to admit she hasn’t taught him the value of $1 huh

[Anonymous]

Hmm -- how old fashioned of your son and this girl. I honestly don't know any 20-something couple (or even 30 something couple) where the guy ALWAYS buys. From what I've seen from friends etc. it's more of a 50-50 thing. Not suggesting that they're nickel and diming -- so I'm sure there are times where the guy ends up paying a bit more, but I think women pick up the tab a lot too now. And frankly in college, I feel like the people who ended up dating seriously were often in similar situations (both rich with tons of spending money from mom/dad or both struggling along with loans and work study) so they kind of kept it even for those reasons; and the instances were a not-rich girl was dating a rich guy (who was paying for spring break etc. not just paying for Chipotle), there was definitely a power "imbalance" that often made women uncomfortable -- i.e. always having to do with the bf wanted (probably including sex though I never asked).

[Anonymous]

DH ALWAYS paid in law school (where I met him). Our friends (especially his friends) thought it was weird. We got married right after grad and have a happy marriage. We keep our money separate and both make almost the same salary but he still always picks up the tabs on dates, surprises me with trips, stuff like that. I find it sweet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH ALWAYS paid in law school (where I met him). Our friends (especially his friends) thought it was weird. We got married right after grad and have a happy marriage. We keep our money separate and both make almost the same salary but he still always picks up the tabs on dates, surprises me with trips, stuff like that. I find it sweet.

How many years ago was this? I think it was more common back in the day for the med student/law student bf to STILL pay. Not so common in the 2000s -- if they're both students, they split the tab day to day. I'm not saying the guy isn't doing sweet things for the girl still and paying on special occasions -- but daily coffee? Haven't seen that as an expectation in my social circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He also might be selling weed. A lot of kids (especially boys) make a few extra hundred bucks a month/week in college this way. Its always amazing to me how many parents forget this as well all knew 10 guys like this ourselves in college.

Okay then. Random.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think DS's girlfriend might be using him, not sure if I should say anything or what I should say. They are in college. He pays for everything. From expensive dinners to coffee at Starbucks. They are going on Spring Break together and I am pretty sure he is footing the bill for the trip. Not sure at this age on his summer income that this appropriate.

Same issue with my son and I resolved this issue very quickly. I hired a college female escort and asked her to pretend to date my son without him knowing. She is much prettier than the GF he had at the time. They hung out for about three weeks and she paid for half the date every time they went out and taught him that any girls expecting the date to be paid was just using him unless the girl is serious with him. He learned a valuable lesson. Worth the money I spent.

Da Fuq???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d say this is also a gentle relationship talk. You coujd discuss healthy dynamics regarding finances and power. Also have him talk to an adult who is still paying off student loans, and walk through the math of compound interest. Discuss that in connection with his spending and financ s now, as a student. Also, I don’t know what he makes per hour, but those fancy dinners likely represent hours of his time. College students don’t need fancy dinners, and his girlfriend needs to start paying half the time.

Sounds like your son is a gentleman -if we are talking dinners/Starbucks the. Totally normal. My college boyfriends always took me out. Spring break trip is different and I would question why they are going on a spring break trip alone as this sounds like trouble. If you tell your son to ask his girlfriend to pay for dinners, you are setting him up to be a loser.