Friends Wife Made a Pass At Me

[Anonymous]

Happened to me with two different friends wives. I walked away as fast as I could and never told anyone

[Anonymous]

1. Her husband is an unpleasant, nasty person who is mean to her.

2. She has twice made overtures to you.

Diagnosis:

Stay as far away from both of them as possible. Neither of them are friend material, because they have to sort themselves out and you don't want to be collateral damage. You can be polite if you see them at someone else's party, but do not invite them, and refuse invites they send to you.

[Anonymous]

Don't tell. You don't gain anything. It doesn't actually help him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you told your girlfriend? I would tell her ASAP, so the tables don't get turned on you by your buddy's nutty wife.

OP Here.
I have not told her yet. Not sure how she will take it and whether she will confront her. (THat's the type of woman she is, doesn't shy away from confrontation.)
She doesn't particularly like her a lot, but sort of feels sorry for her because she thinks her husband is a douche. I was debating telling her this weekend after a couple of drinks and tell her to keep it to herself. I am just worried she won't and will either tell him, or tell her to back off.

Honestly, the more i think about it, i think i am just going to keep my mouth shut and distance myself from him and her. The problem is that I play sports with him on a weekly basis and we usually get drinks together.

[Anonymous]

Oh, geez, forget it unless it continues. We all have stories like this. Like when I was a teacher and was leaning over a desk and the “fast” girl in the class began caressing my arm with her little finger. Or when a bunch of us friends from college were sitting at a table. I was next to my date, and the girl sitting across from me takes her shoe off and starts rubbing me under the table with her foot. In both those cases, and several others, I completely ignored it and acted like it never happened. At one college reunion, a classmate of mine brought a date all the way from California. Admittedly, we were all very drunk. I was walking to the men’s room as she was going up the stairs from the ladies’ room. As we passed each other on the stairs, when we had never met, she began kissing me passionately. These things happen all the time and have happened to my friends. Just pretend like it never happened and forget about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, geez, forget it unless it continues. We all have stories like this. Like when I was a teacher and was leaning over a desk and the “fast” girl in the class began caressing my arm with her little finger. Or when a bunch of us friends from college were sitting at a table. I was next to my date, and the girl sitting across from me takes her shoe off and starts rubbing me under the table with her foot. In both those cases, and several others, I completely ignored it and acted like it never happened. At one college reunion, a classmate of mine brought a date all the way from California. Admittedly, we were all very drunk. I was walking to the men’s room as she was going up the stairs from the ladies’ room. As we passed each other on the stairs, when we had never met, she began kissing me passionately. These things happen all the time and have happened to my friends. Just pretend like it never happened and forget about it.

This happens to fewer of us perhaps. Maybe you’re tall?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. First of all, I'm not saying you're intentionally sending them but it seems she's getting some kind of message that you would be into it. I would work on being atandoffish to the point of being almost cold / rude - I think that will likely shatter the spell. I feel a little bad for her tbh, it seems like she's latched into the fact that you were/are nice to her, and stood up for her when her husband was publicly being a dick. That said, it's a little absurd that she would not only send that email but try to make a SECOND move. I think I agree that you should not say anything to her husband, but you should do what you can to absolutely minimize time with her - sit on the other side of the table from her, don't address her directly, and avoid and one on one convos with her. If you find yourself in a situation where it's just you two, leave - go back inside, walk away, whatever - and don't worry about being polite. She'll know why.

What BS. This is all on that woman, not OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
1. Her husband is an unpleasant, nasty person who is mean to her.

2. She has twice made overtures to you.

Diagnosis:

Stay as far away from both of them as possible. Neither of them are friend material, because they have to sort themselves out and you don't want to be collateral damage. You can be polite if you see them at someone else's party, but do not invite them, and refuse invites they send to you.

Well said. I totally agree.

[Anonymous]

OP, woman here—tell your girlfriend ASAP. Enlist her as your partner in putting the brakes on becoming any more entangled with this couple. You don't want to be trying to explain this to her when (not if) this blows up. I guarantee you will win big points by getting in front of this with her. Your friend's wife is not going to back down. She's not thinking straight and it sounds like alcohol may be an issue as well.

[Anonymous]

I really hope they don't have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, woman here—tell your girlfriend ASAP. Enlist her as your partner in putting the brakes on becoming any more entangled with this couple. You don't want to be trying to explain this to her when (not if) this blows up. I guarantee you will win big points by getting in front of this with her. Your friend's wife is not going to back down. She's not thinking straight and it sounds like alcohol may be an issue as well.

OP, listen to the post above. This PP is right. Get out ahead of this now with your girlfriend, and at the same time, you need to be done with this other couple.

I'm also surprised it took until the above post for someone to point out what keeps coming up in your posts: Alcohol.

The first time the wife hit on you, she was drunk or getting there.

The second time she'd also been drinking a while before she touched you.

You say that her husband, your so-called "friend," can admittedly be a d*ck when drinking.

Add it up, OP. These are not friends with whom you can really drink enjoyably like an adult -- either of them. His inner jerk comes out when he's drunk and her insecurities and stupid choices come out when she's drunk. And it doesn't sound like she needs to drink a lot to get loose enough to act out. As another PP said, you need to say no to invitations from them and not issue any; the fact that the guy thinks being "couple friends" is the next step means it's time to be far too busy to see them any more.

But there's one other issue here: "I was debating telling [girlfriend] this weekend after a couple of drinks and tell her to keep it to herself. I am just worried she won't and will either tell him, or tell her to back off."

So you were going to wait until after a few drinks to tell your GF-- so you would find it easier to do? Or so she would have a few drinks in her and somehow that would mean she'd take it better? What's with needing a few drinks (in either or both of you) to make this conversation happen? That's... I'm not sure what. It does sound a bit too reliant on getting loosened up before having a talk that could be pretty important.

And you've mentioned twice now that your GF might confront the wife and/or tell the guy though you don't want that. So your GF would not respect your wishes if you told her all, in the interest of a really honest relationship, and then asked her directly, "I am asking you not to say anything to either of them because it will only cause drama and my friendship with them is over anyway"--? If GF is so invested in seeing herself as direct and "honest" that she would hear how this all worried and upset you, and she then would turn around and against your request, blather it to the other couple and tell them off -- you might just have a GF issue as well as a friend issue.

[Anonymous]

I hade a mistake with something like this. I was out with my then GF. We were young -- I was the only one there old enough to buy booze. (I was 21).

A girl hit on me. I did nothing to encourage it, but did not shut it down. I did not really realize how it made my GF feel. I should have told her I think she is hitting on me, then hung with her. (I knew only her at the party and was a bit of an introvert).

I was sort of enjoying the fact that this other girl was talking to me. She invited me upstairs, but I refused. GF and I never talked about it, but then, we never talked about anything else after than.

(it was the last time we were out).

[Anonymous]

No good move for you here, guy. As others have suggested,you’ll be blamed. Plus, her husband will never,ever, ever believe you’re totally innocent.

[Anonymous]

What if she's your soulmate? Only one way to know for sure....

[Anonymous]

Agree you should tell your girlfriend, and enlist her in being a buffer / helping to make sure you never end up alone with this woman. And honestly, MAJOR red flag if you cannot trust your girlfriend to respect your wishes and not start a scene...you guys aren't that serious if you can't trust her with that