Custody Child Support Scenario - ??

[Anonymous]

OP, sorry to hear about your situation with this wretched ho. Custody is definitely rigged against men, no doubt. I hope that you have a smart lawyer and a lot of $.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree to supervised visitation. This gives you a few options - she has to bring the kids, so the allegations of abuse, and your fear of seeing them because of potential allegations, is alleviated. Then if she doesn't show up, you have the visitation center documenting her failure to show, which actually can be more persuasive to a family court judge than police reports, which aren't helpful as you've seen.

This is a terrible idea for so many reasons.

Why? She'll never show, and the court can see all the documentation around it and stop wasting the cop's time. If it's by agreement and not by court order, it can end any time. It's voluntary. What's the problem? The agreement can be supervised visitation because OP is afraid of HER and doesn't trust to see her. If it's a voluntary agreement, he could control the terms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to do just one thing:move back to the same neighborhood where ex lives and file for full custody. Your ex gave you a great excuse: you tried all the other schedules but ex would not cooperate.

You can represent yourself in court for free. Some lawyers will even help coach you on how to do it and show you the right format for contempt and other complaints. You can write letters and file motions for free. You can file appeals for free. Every time she doesn't let you speak to DD on the phone, you can file another contempt complaint. You can run up your ex's legal bills to the moon. You can make her spend most of her time at the courthouse. You can ruin her life. And it sounds like you should.

I agree with this. Move heaven and earth to find a job near your kids. Ex has no excuse then.

Kids are your #1 priority and obligation. Nothing else. Move for them.

[Anonymous]

I don't see the judge being happy about you moving out of state. Find a way to live near you're kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever seen this scenario play out? What was the outcome.

Mother has primary custody father gets every other weekend because that is the standard custody arrangement in the state where the divorce happened.
Father loses his job and must relocate out of state. This invokes a clause that means the father gets the kids for the summers. The mother; however, interferes with fathers custody. Father documents the interferences with police reports. Mother files a law suite asking for full custody (except giving father dinner with kids one night per month in the original state) + asking to increase child support ABOVE state guidelines because father has not fully exercised his custody for summers and this has "caused mother more expenses " (i.e., because kids are with mom more it costs mom more so father should pay more). Mother alleges fear of abuse but has no evidence. No recordings, no police reports, her lawyers alleges "potential abuse" in court and implies things but when the judge asked point blank "is daughter in danger" the lawyer says "no." Father wants to get to trial but mother keeps asking for continuances for various reasons and the judge keeps granting continuance. Father is fearful to spend time alone with kids for fear of false allegations and this is supported by fathers attorney. Father is out of money and is considering giving in on the custody because he can't continue to fight. The child support issue will still be pressed by mother.

Question: have you seen the mother successfully get child support increased above state guidelines when the mother is in clear violation of the court order by preventing father's custody and then uses the father's not exercising full custody as the grounds for increasing child support.

Yes to most of this. I have.

She is claiming she is violating for good reason, and it might very well be true. You never know what a judge will do - court is a crapshoot, which is why everyone sane tries to avoid it.

What I put in bold above is VERY troubling, on top of everything else. That makes me think the mom is right and he dad is a creep.

Really? In the era of #metoo you find it "troubling" that a man would consider taking precautions against false allegations? I'm a dentist and sometimes I'll get called in for an emergency procedure on the weekends. I NEVER go alone. Sometime I can't get an assistant so I make sure at least family or friends are there. Also I purposefully designed my office with open concept in order to ensure people can see what other people are doing. OP is not a creep for thinking about this.

For his own children?

Yes, creepy and very troubling.

Children do not tend to lie, so the OP has some real problems here if he's scared of what his kids will say about him.

[Anonymous]

There isn’t a 3rd party mediator that can make sure the kids are available for visits other than if it’s a supervised visit? I’ve heard from my friends that child support is based off visitation/number of nights child is under your roof.

Have you thought about joining a local divorced dad support group? I know when when of my friends divorced she joined a divorced mom support group and it was helpful to have emotional support and on a practical note be able to hear from others that had BTDT regarding lawyers (who to use and what it means if your ex picked Larlo as the attorney), mediation, and custody agreements etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever seen this scenario play out? What was the outcome.

Mother has primary custody father gets every other weekend because that is the standard custody arrangement in the state where the divorce happened.
Father loses his job and must relocate out of state. This invokes a clause that means the father gets the kids for the summers. The mother; however, interferes with fathers custody. Father documents the interferences with police reports. Mother files a law suite asking for full custody (except giving father dinner with kids one night per month in the original state) + asking to increase child support ABOVE state guidelines because father has not fully exercised his custody for summers and this has "caused mother more expenses " (i.e., because kids are with mom more it costs mom more so father should pay more). Mother alleges fear of abuse but has no evidence. No recordings, no police reports, her lawyers alleges "potential abuse" in court and implies things but when the judge asked point blank "is daughter in danger" the lawyer says "no." Father wants to get to trial but mother keeps asking for continuances for various reasons and the judge keeps granting continuance. Father is fearful to spend time alone with kids for fear of false allegations and this is supported by fathers attorney. Father is out of money and is considering giving in on the custody because he can't continue to fight. The child support issue will still be pressed by mother.

Question: have you seen the mother successfully get child support increased above state guidelines when the mother is in clear violation of the court order by preventing father's custody and then uses the father's not exercising full custody as the grounds for increasing child support.

Yes to most of this. I have.

She is claiming she is violating for good reason, and it might very well be true. You never know what a judge will do - court is a crapshoot, which is why everyone sane tries to avoid it.

What I put in bold above is VERY troubling, on top of everything else. That makes me think the mom is right and he dad is a creep.

Really? In the era of #metoo you find it "troubling" that a man would consider taking precautions against false allegations? I'm a dentist and sometimes I'll get called in for an emergency procedure on the weekends. I NEVER go alone. Sometime I can't get an assistant so I make sure at least family or friends are there. Also I purposefully designed my office with open concept in order to ensure people can see what other people are doing. OP is not a creep for thinking about this.

For his own children?

Yes, creepy and very troubling.

Children do not tend to lie, so the OP has some real problems here if he's scared of what his kids will say about him.

This is simply not true. Besides, the accusation doesn't need to come from the child. the mother can make an accusation and even if it comes to light that it is untrue it can consume months or years, thousands of dollars and lost reputation and in the end there is no consequence for the accuser because "they were just exercising and abundance of caution out of heartfelt concern for the children."

You position on this issue shows your bias. A reasonable person understand the underlying issue.