Custody Child Support Scenario - ??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why you ‘had to move out of state’ for a job. I would work as a waiter before moving long distance from my kids. Your actions don’t match what you are saying.

This! He doesn’t care about visitation, only about getting hit up for more money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't your agreement have a provision that the party that substantially prevails in a hearing (i.e. the visitation issues you raise) is awarded attorney fees? If so, you should be able to put a substantial dent in her pocket by challenging the visitation issues.

Her plan is to get more nights and then have the child support order re-calculated based upon full custody. It won't be above the guidelines but will be within the new guidelines of her having more nights.

No there is no "substantially prevails" clause. I have asked for attorney fees to be awards as has she. My attorney says it is likely not to happen because the judge typically just makes each party pay their own unless there is some obvious bad behavior by one party that impacts the court itself. Judge actually said in last hearing that he was disinclined to award fees as a sanction against her because he didn't want to harm her financially.

[Anonymous]

Yes I know 2 couples that fought tooth and nail for almost 7 years. Kids are now older, their finances are drained and they fought over stupid stuff for the most part. They are now in their mid forties and doubtful they will ever get to retire. Of course you should protect yourself if she tries the abuse thing, but I wouldn't play into her madness. Get your kids for the time the judge allows and move on. I wouldn't have moved out of state where my kids are, but I don't know your situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How has she interfered with custody? You kind of glossed over that.

Not open the door when I show up to pick up the kids. When that happen I can't take the kids with me. She doesn't answer the phone when I call.
When I go to the police they say they don't enfroce the custody order but they will write a report.

This is beides the point anyway.

It is the point but you don’t care because all you care about is money. Change the pick up location to a public place. Have someone else obtain the kids and take them to you. What does your attorney say when you give him thesd police reports?

NP here but you've gotta be kidding. If she won't open the door to let him see his kids on his visitation time do you really think she's going to drive the kids to meet him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't your agreement have a provision that the party that substantially prevails in a hearing (i.e. the visitation issues you raise) is awarded attorney fees? If so, you should be able to put a substantial dent in her pocket by challenging the visitation issues.

Her plan is to get more nights and then have the child support order re-calculated based upon full custody. It won't be above the guidelines but will be within the new guidelines of her having more nights.

No there is no "substantially prevails" clause. I have asked for attorney fees to be awards as has she. My attorney says it is likely not to happen because the judge typically just makes each party pay their own unless there is some obvious bad behavior by one party that impacts the court itself. Judge actually said in last hearing that he was disinclined to award fees as a sanction against her because he didn't want to harm her financially.

That was a big mistake when you guys drafted your custody agreement but too late to fix that now. As your attorney noted, judges usually don't grant attorney fees so you need a contractual provision granting you that right.

My next suggestion to you is to minimize your fees by having consults with the attorney to discuss strategy and then represent yourself in court. I don't know what state you are in but in VA you can testify telephonically in a JDR court so you should check and see if the state where the custody proceeding is happening has an equivalent accommodation.

I'm sorry about your situation and I'm sorry people are being assholes on here.

[Anonymous]

OP, ignore the trolls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever seen this scenario play out? What was the outcome.

Mother has primary custody father gets every other weekend because that is the standard custody arrangement in the state where the divorce happened.
Father loses his job and must relocate out of state. This invokes a clause that means the father gets the kids for the summers. The mother; however, interferes with fathers custody. Father documents the interferences with police reports. Mother files a law suite asking for full custody (except giving father dinner with kids one night per month in the original state) + asking to increase child support ABOVE state guidelines because father has not fully exercised his custody for summers and this has "caused mother more expenses " (i.e., because kids are with mom more it costs mom more so father should pay more). Mother alleges fear of abuse but has no evidence. No recordings, no police reports, her lawyers alleges "potential abuse" in court and implies things but when the judge asked point blank "is daughter in danger" the lawyer says "no." Father wants to get to trial but mother keeps asking for continuances for various reasons and the judge keeps granting continuance. Father is fearful to spend time alone with kids for fear of false allegations and this is supported by fathers attorney. Father is out of money and is considering giving in on the custody because he can't continue to fight. The child support issue will still be pressed by mother.

Question: have you seen the mother successfully get child support increased above state guidelines when the mother is in clear violation of the court order by preventing father's custody and then uses the father's not exercising full custody as the grounds for increasing child support.

Yes to most of this. I have.

She is claiming she is violating for good reason, and it might very well be true. You never know what a judge will do - court is a crapshoot, which is why everyone sane tries to avoid it.

What I put in bold above is VERY troubling, on top of everything else. That makes me think the mom is right and he dad is a creep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't your agreement have a provision that the party that substantially prevails in a hearing (i.e. the visitation issues you raise) is awarded attorney fees? If so, you should be able to put a substantial dent in her pocket by challenging the visitation issues.

Her plan is to get more nights and then have the child support order re-calculated based upon full custody. It won't be above the guidelines but will be within the new guidelines of her having more nights.

No there is no "substantially prevails" clause. I have asked for attorney fees to be awards as has she. My attorney says it is likely not to happen because the judge typically just makes each party pay their own unless there is some obvious bad behavior by one party that impacts the court itself. Judge actually said in last hearing that he was disinclined to award fees as a sanction against her because he didn't want to harm her financially.

Well, of course.

Here's the end case scenario: if they kids are scared of you, you probably won't get anything but supervised visitation by a judge.

Especially if your kids testify against you or if they are interviewed by a child custody evaluator or guardian ad litem and they say negative things about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh hey, fathers new girlfriend! Your BF hasn’t seen his kids in years because he doesn’t want to and his ex isn’t the shrew he says she is. If he was a decent man, he would have worked this out long before meeting you.

Wrong. I'm the father.

Also, and as evidence of her being a shrew. I have an hour of recorded voice messages of her calling me names and threatening me if I attempt to move back or visit the kids.

I'm trying to get some perspective here. I'm not wanting this thread to get side tracked with a bunch of exhusband hating exwives.

You don't sound very sane or pleasant yourself. Sounds like this is a question for your attorney then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever seen this scenario play out? What was the outcome.

Mother has primary custody father gets every other weekend because that is the standard custody arrangement in the state where the divorce happened.
Father loses his job and must relocate out of state. This invokes a clause that means the father gets the kids for the summers. The mother; however, interferes with fathers custody. Father documents the interferences with police reports. Mother files a law suite asking for full custody (except giving father dinner with kids one night per month in the original state) + asking to increase child support ABOVE state guidelines because father has not fully exercised his custody for summers and this has "caused mother more expenses " (i.e., because kids are with mom more it costs mom more so father should pay more). Mother alleges fear of abuse but has no evidence. No recordings, no police reports, her lawyers alleges "potential abuse" in court and implies things but when the judge asked point blank "is daughter in danger" the lawyer says "no." Father wants to get to trial but mother keeps asking for continuances for various reasons and the judge keeps granting continuance. Father is fearful to spend time alone with kids for fear of false allegations and this is supported by fathers attorney. Father is out of money and is considering giving in on the custody because he can't continue to fight. The child support issue will still be pressed by mother.

Question: have you seen the mother successfully get child support increased above state guidelines when the mother is in clear violation of the court order by preventing father's custody and then uses the father's not exercising full custody as the grounds for increasing child support.

Yes to most of this. I have.

She is claiming she is violating for good reason, and it might very well be true. You never know what a judge will do - court is a crapshoot, which is why everyone sane tries to avoid it.

What I put in bold above is VERY troubling, on top of everything else. That makes me think the mom is right and he dad is a creep.

Really? In the era of #metoo you find it "troubling" that a man would consider taking precautions against false allegations? I'm a dentist and sometimes I'll get called in for an emergency procedure on the weekends. I NEVER go alone. Sometime I can't get an assistant so I make sure at least family or friends are there. Also I purposefully designed my office with open concept in order to ensure people can see what other people are doing. OP is not a creep for thinking about this.

[Anonymous]

I'm very sorry, OP, but your ex-wife is insane. My ex-husband had to move out of state for work and my husband and I drive the kids out every June, then go back and pick them up the first of August. 1,100 miles each way. I hope you get this resolved in your favor, because I could not imagine treating my ex-husband this way. He's one of our best friends, and the father of our children.

[Anonymous]

OP you need to do just one thing:move back to the same neighborhood where ex lives and file for full custody. Your ex gave you a great excuse: you tried all the other schedules but ex would not cooperate.

You can represent yourself in court for free. Some lawyers will even help coach you on how to do it and show you the right format for contempt and other complaints. You can write letters and file motions for free. You can file appeals for free. Every time she doesn't let you speak to DD on the phone, you can file another contempt complaint. You can run up your ex's legal bills to the moon. You can make her spend most of her time at the courthouse. You can ruin her life. And it sounds like you should.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't worry about the abuse allegations. Judges in family court hear it all the time and, if anything, it diminishes your ex's credibility because she is making frivolous allegations.

[Anonymous]

Agree to supervised visitation. This gives you a few options - she has to bring the kids, so the allegations of abuse, and your fear of seeing them because of potential allegations, is alleviated. Then if she doesn't show up, you have the visitation center documenting her failure to show, which actually can be more persuasive to a family court judge than police reports, which aren't helpful as you've seen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree to supervised visitation. This gives you a few options - she has to bring the kids, so the allegations of abuse, and your fear of seeing them because of potential allegations, is alleviated. Then if she doesn't show up, you have the visitation center documenting her failure to show, which actually can be more persuasive to a family court judge than police reports, which aren't helpful as you've seen.

This is a terrible idea for so many reasons.