What do you think when your child doesn't get into a school?

[Anonymous]

Nothing. On to the next opportunity.

It's not a fault issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That there were too many kids for too few slots, so that’s why they went with the rich and connected kid we know who had much lower stats than DC.

I agree with you that, unfortunately, that too often makes a difference. Our child was admitted to 9th grade at every competitive school to which they applied.

At one school I picked up my child in my new BMW after a visit day, and received a compliment on my car from the admissions director. At another school, an admissions officer fawned over my LV handbag. And at a third school the admissions director mentioned that a school parent who owns a vacation home near us, and is a professional acquaintance, had said we are a great family. We had not even told them we were applying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this every year when responding to this type of question, so forgive me if you have heard it before. DC was not admitted to Beauvoir, Georgetown Day School, or Sidwell Friends School when we applied for Kindergarten. DC had an excellent WPPSI score, was a precocious child, and appeared to do well in all of the playdates.

Why the rejections? Perhaps the schools questioned our ability and desire to sustain a long-term commitment to private school education. Neither DH nor I had family money, both of us had large student debt, and we lived in a modest suburban house, because it was all we could afford at the time. Though our family did not need nor apply for FA, we may not have appeared to have long-term potential.

DC instead attended (from K-8) a wonderful school that would not even be considered a Big 6. They loved the school, and it provided a very strong education. When it came time to apply to high school, DC applied to two of the Big 3 schools, and was admitted to both. (DC was an excellent student, but it may have helped that our family had matured into a successful, well-off position. Who knows? I probably read too much into how such socioeconomic factors influence school decisions.) DC went on to attend H/S.

Sorry, but if you didn't apply for financial aid, the schools wouldn't have known about your family money or student debt. They would have had your address, but I seriously doubt that they made these assumptions about a potential full-pay family based on your neighborhood. Guessing it was something else, but glad it turned out well.

The schools could certainly see from our application that I worked in an entry level position for the government, and my spouse was in an entry level position in his practice. Our address would have reflected a very modest address in a far suburb. And our lack of a current family's letter of recommendation, or good word, put in through the school network would have reflected a lack of connections in the community. I had two pairs of well-worn professional heels, and only one daily purse, all purchased at Macy's, which I wore to accompany DC to all the visit days.

You may be correct, as I conceded in the first post, that the socioeconomic signs we projected bore no implications on the admissions decisions. However, having subsequently served on a number of school, nonprofit, and/or corporate boards, my spouse and I have become more educated, and are less naive, about certain matters. You may be surprised by how often people make judgments about suitability, based merely on apperances, or easily ascertainable measures of wealth or standing. I wish it were not so.

As DC was subsequently admitted for high school to every school they applied to, by which time our socio-economic status, signs of wealth (address, cars, attire, donation history to various organizations), and career accomplishments had changed considerably, I do wonder -- in response to questions like the OP's, posted on the Private Schools forum every year. My message to stressed out parents, do not become discouraged by a number of rejections. The children who are turned down by all of the "big" schools will find happiness and an excellent education at the school that is right for them. And some of those students will end up at Harvard, Stanford, or other excellent universities (of which there are many). In fact, DC's early experience taught me never to judge a person by where they went to school, not even at the university or graduate school level. Some of the most extraordinary people come from rather ordinary backgrounds and places.

Or maybe they just didn't like your kid.

Except that they told us specifically how much they had liked DC, but there was simply no room for them. And then, of course, everything changed by high school.

[Anonymous]

would certainly make our lives easier! (not getting in, having to go to local school and "hack it out")

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this every year when responding to this type of question, so forgive me if you have heard it before. DC was not admitted to Beauvoir, Georgetown Day School, or Sidwell Friends School when we applied for Kindergarten. DC had an excellent WPPSI score, was a precocious child, and appeared to do well in all of the playdates.

Why the rejections? Perhaps the schools questioned our ability and desire to sustain a long-term commitment to private school education. Neither DH nor I had family money, both of us had large student debt, and we lived in a modest suburban house, because it was all we could afford at the time. Though our family did not need nor apply for FA, we may not have appeared to have long-term potential.

DC instead attended (from K-8) a wonderful school that would not even be considered a Big 6. They loved the school, and it provided a very strong education. When it came time to apply to high school, DC applied to two of the Big 3 schools, and was admitted to both. (DC was an excellent student, but it may have helped that our family had matured into a successful, well-off position. Who knows? I probably read too much into how such socioeconomic factors influence school decisions.) DC went on to attend H/S.

Sorry, but if you didn't apply for financial aid, the schools wouldn't have known about your family money or student debt. They would have had your address, but I seriously doubt that they made these assumptions about a potential full-pay family based on your neighborhood. Guessing it was something else, but glad it turned out well.

The schools could certainly see from our application that I worked in an entry level position for the government, and my spouse was in an entry level position in his practice. Our address would have reflected a very modest address in a far suburb. And our lack of a current family's letter of recommendation, or good word, put in through the school network would have reflected a lack of connections in the community. I had two pairs of well-worn professional heels, and only one daily purse, all purchased at Macy's, which I wore to accompany DC to all the visit days.

You may be correct, as I conceded in the first post, that the socioeconomic signs we projected bore no implications on the admissions decisions. However, having subsequently served on a number of school, nonprofit, and/or corporate boards, my spouse and I have become more educated, and are less naive, about certain matters. You may be surprised by how often people make judgments about suitability, based merely on apperances, or easily ascertainable measures of wealth or standing. I wish it were not so.

As DC was subsequently admitted for high school to every school they applied to, by which time our socio-economic status, signs of wealth (address, cars, attire, donation history to various organizations), and career accomplishments had changed considerably, I do wonder -- in response to questions like the OP's, posted on the Private Schools forum every year. My message to stressed out parents, do not become discouraged by a number of rejections. The children who are turned down by all of the "big" schools will find happiness and an excellent education at the school that is right for them. And some of those students will end up at Harvard, Stanford, or other excellent universities (of which there are many). In fact, DC's early experience taught me never to judge a person by where they went to school, not even at the university or graduate school level. Some of the most extraordinary people come from rather ordinary backgrounds and places.

Or maybe they just didn't like your kid.

Except that they told us specifically how much they had liked DC, but there was simply no room for them. And then, of course, everything changed by high school.

So they didn't like him enough?

[Anonymous]

i know plenty of parents who were told the same thing after their unpleasant/obnoxious kid was rejected from good schools. I'm not saying that's the case with the poster above, but it would be less of a convoluted explanation that the one that was written.

[Anonymous]

It's quite possible and easy for schools to like 20 students equally, but still have room only to admit 5 of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That there were too many kids for too few slots, so that’s why they went with the rich and connected kid we know who had much lower stats than DC.

I agree with you that unfortunately, that too often makes a difference. Our child was admitted to 9th grade at every competitive school to which they applied.

At one school I picked up my child in my new BMW after a visit day, and received a compliment on my car from the admissions director. At another school, an admissions officer fawned over my LV handbag. And at a third school the admissions director mentioned that a school parent who owns a vacation home near us, and is a professional acquaintance, had said we are a great family. We had not even told them we were applying.

When you have obvious measures or displays of professional accomplishment, wealth, success, status, and connections, doors you did not know were even there, will suddenly open. Welcome to the American meritocracy. It is a shameful fact of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That there were too many kids for too few slots, so that’s why they went with the rich and connected kid we know who had much lower stats than DC.

I agree with you that, unfortunately, that too often makes a difference. Our child was admitted to 9th grade at every competitive school to which they applied.

At one school I picked up my child in my new BMW after a visit day, and received a compliment on my car from the admissions director. At another school, an admissions officer fawned over my LV handbag. And at a third school the admissions director mentioned that a school parent who owns a vacation home near us, and is a professional acquaintance, had said we are a great family. We had not even told them we were applying.

I don't believe a word of this.....try harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That there were too many kids for too few slots, so that’s why they went with the rich and connected kid we know who had much lower stats than DC.

I agree with you that unfortunately, that too often makes a difference. Our child was admitted to 9th grade at every competitive school to which they applied.

At one school I picked up my child in my new BMW after a visit day, and received a compliment on my car from the admissions director. At another school, an admissions officer fawned over my LV handbag. And at a third school the admissions director mentioned that a school parent who owns a vacation home near us, and is a professional acquaintance, had said we are a great family. We had not even told them we were applying.

When you have obvious measures or displays of professional accomplishment, wealth, success, status, and connections, doors you did not know were even there, will suddenly open. Welcome to the American meritocracy. It is a shameful fact of life.

So why would anyone care about a new BMW or LV bag? If you have two kids at most places it’s 80k plus 10-20k in addition fees and donations per year pre taxes. How many BMWs is that?

[Anonymous]

It is true, but you don't have to believe it. Perhaps that is because you were born financially comfortable, and you do not want to admit that it has afforded you any advantage in life. Think again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister didn’t get into a highly desirable boarding school. I remember my parents were devastated. She then hit pretty much every ivy/top school in this country for all her degrees/training. So at the end of the day, I always go back to that- she didn’t get in then, but still proved to me more successful than most. So when my kids don’t/didn’t get in, I just brush it off as it was not their time yet. Their success is not based on where they go to school, but what we can give to them at home to support all their strengths and weaknesses.

This happened to us. Our dd couldn't get in anywhere "fancy" when she was young and ended up at an Ivy. We felt kind of bummed when she didn't get into some of the privates here and felt maybe that we weren't the right "social class".

[Anonymous]

I just passed a young looking Beauvoir mother, who must have a k-3d child, driving a Mercedes E 350 wagon, which price starts at around $60,000. Enough said about why you didn't get into these schools.

[Anonymous]

PP from above. It probably did not help that we drove up to drop off our DC at all of those kindergarten play dates in Pontiac Sunfire. My spouse and I were so proud of that Pontiac Sunfire, it was the first car either of us had ever bought for ourselves, and the only one we could afford. We considered our friends who could afford a Honda Accord or Toyota Corolla to be rich.

[Anonymous]

We are waiting to hear about preschool acceptance - actually pre-preschool toddler program for 2 yr olds. The school we want (goes toddler to sixth grade) didn't meet or interview DD - just us. If she doesn't get in it is our fault!

Not DC - this is the most sought after elementary school in Los Angeles.