Would you still want to hang out with me if I do not drink alcohol (never drank)?

[Anonymous]

No, probably not. Agree that you need to find your own niche crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Alcoholism runs deep in my family. I married a man that was one year into sobriety when we met. We're 15 years in and he's still 100% sober.

Some things I will never have to experience include:

My husband will never claim he was drunk and foolishly cheated on me.
My husband will never get a DWI/DUI.
My husband will never act like a damn fool because he drank too much.

The best part?

Our kids have a good upbringing without beer cans being in most birthday or holiday pictures (like mine).
Our kids won't have to hear on the news at night that there was a drunk driving crash that nearly killed their parent (nothing like seeing your parent so bruised in the face that they are almost unrecognizable and with many broken bones)
Our kids also won't experience the next car accident involving yet another DUI from a different family member that resulted in a brain injury (no one else was hurt, thankfully).

I prefer non-drinkers, OP!

Lordy! Well, I'm really sorry that you had these experiences, but most people do not.

OP needs to find someone exactly like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, probably not. Agree that you need to find your own niche crowd.

Really? We don’t drink and never offer guests alcohol b/c growing up neither of our parents entertained (family history of social anxiety and alcoholism on both sides so no idea what is normal there).

We make great home made food, keep up with current events, travel, but in the end serving wine is really the key? That is frustrating.

[Anonymous]

I don’t really drink but all my friends are drinkers.

It’s never been a problem but I never comment on other peoples’ drinking or comment much on my own lack of it. I also have a pretty bubbly personality so even if I’m not drinking, I’m still talking to people, joking, walking around he whole time. If you’re boring and just sit there being quiet and awkward, it’s not the fact that you’re not drinking that’s the problem, it’s just you. Lol

[Anonymous]

So if you don’t drink you are told you must be Fun! Funny! Interesing! Not Judge etc. apparently if you enjoy alcohol you can be a boring old sot but no one cares.

[Anonymous]

I drink, but I have plenty of friends that don't drink. It makes no difference to me. As a practical matter, however, I have VERY LITTLE time to see and hang out with friends. (work, kids, family obligations) When I do hang out with friends, it is usually a stolen 30 minutes at a bar after work. I manage that once a month or so. once or twice a year, a rock concert. one of my sober friends loves the rock concerts. but others are uncomfortable or grumpy hanging out with tipsy people at bars or concerts. that makes it that much harder to find time to hang out. I don't have time/energy to do dinner or shopping or movies or shows or games or whatever it is other people do for fun together. accordingly, when I hang out with my sober friends, it is usually actually kid time and we spend half the time corralling our small children.

[Anonymous]

I will add that when I was younger and stupider and more carefree, I LOVED having sober friends. They were willing to DD and at least a couple of times, stopped me from doing something stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, probably not. Agree that you need to find your own niche crowd.

Really? We don’t drink and never offer guests alcohol b/c growing up neither of our parents entertained (family history of social anxiety and alcoholism on both sides so no idea what is normal there).

We make great home made food, keep up with current events, travel, but in the end serving wine is really the key? That is frustrating.

NP, but I sort of see it as akin to someone who never ate dessert, and refused to serve it. Assuming someone's not addicted to alcohol, many adults enjoy a glass of wine or beer with their meal because they like the taste, it enhances the food, etc. Sort of like enjoying a good dessert. You don't have to drink, but I would think it's a little strange if, say, I offered to bring a bottle of wine over for dinner and you said no. It would be strange if I offered to bring dessert and you said no, right?

There's a wide range between not drinking at all, ever, and being black out drunk all the time. I have plenty of friends who don't drink, but also don't mind and don't judge me if I have a glass of wine with dinner, or whatever. But if you assume that my drinking at all means I have a drinking problem then, yes, we probably wouldn't be friends. Not because of the alcohol, because of the judgment.

[Anonymous]

OP, in short, yes, of course. But I will have a glass of whine or a shot of vodka.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely! I drink, but I honestly hate it when events are centered around alcohol. I don't need to drink to relax or enjoy another person's company, it's weird to me that some people do.

OP here. I feel it is always centered around alcohol as well. I feel strange inviting my neighbors because i can't offer them a drink! If I tell them I don't drink, I always get a strange look.

I think some people like to drink. Probably others disagree with me, but I think when inviting someone you could say - I don't drink but feel free to BYO.

[Anonymous]

Not if you are judgey about it. Why don’t you serve it to your guests OP? If I go to a dinner party, BBQ, etc, I definitely expect to be served alcohol.

[Anonymous]

I have friends who drink, and friends who don't. I like to drink, but certainly would never look down on somebody who didn't want to drink. I try to do a dry month once or twice a year (right now, in fact) and I can see how it changes the dynamic at parties a great deal.

The "funny looks" that previous posters have mentioned when they tell folks they don't drink is probably a little bit of horror and shame as the drinkers think of all the times they offered the non-drinkers a drink without knowing, and are hoping they weren't being rude & insensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, probably not. Agree that you need to find your own niche crowd.

Really? We don’t drink and never offer guests alcohol b/c growing up neither of our parents entertained (family history of social anxiety and alcoholism on both sides so no idea what is normal there).

We make great home made food, keep up with current events, travel, but in the end serving wine is really the key? That is frustrating.

Just have a bottle of wine and offer it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if you don’t drink you are told you must be Fun! Funny! Interesing! Not Judge etc. apparently if you enjoy alcohol you can be a boring old sot but no one cares.

I mean, yes. Who wants to hang out with uninteresting and not-fun people?

The things people get offended about on this board. Every day it hits a new low, I swear.

[Anonymous]

I think the obvious questions are if you have a problem with other people drinking or meeting up at a bar for happy hour or having alcohol if you host an event, does it cause a problem splitting the bill if you are never drinking and your friends always are drinking, are your friends at the opposite spectrum where they feel they have to drink to have fun?

In general, it would come down to how it impacts me and the general things of hitting it off and wanting to be friends. I’m not going to say I am never going to a bar again because Larla can’t meet up at a bar. I would just not invite her when I am going to the bar (if I know she hates going) and have a different thing where she is invited. My friends have different interests and that happens all the time. I have a friend that loves going to the movie and one that hates it and am good friends with both people.