How to politely ask when they are leaving?

[Anonymous]

I don't know what country you're from, but I could see my family getting stuck like this.

I'd put my foot down about the food issue (grossssss). As for the son's behavior, talk to the mother openly about his issues. Doesn't seem like they have boundaries, so go ahead and ask (even if you feel like it's rude) "What's going on with Larlo? Is he okay? Are you okay?" This serves two purposes - one, you're actually showing concern for this relatives, and two, hopefully she'll either open up or feel awkward and hasten her departure from your home.

If the above two fail, can you appeal to the other cousins in the area to take them in?

[Anonymous]

They’re not leaving until next month. You have to tell them or you will choose by default to host them for another 3 weeks.

[Anonymous]

I'd find a way to make a major home system malfunction in order to make it miserable and they will leave. So, turn off the hot water heater or disconnect the heat. Whatever you have to do.

It should be noted that this isn't how I'D handle it, because I wouldn't have had them over without knowing an exact timeline not longer than a week. And I wouldn't allow food to be consumed other than at the dining table.

But this whole dynamic calls for an inexplicable infrastructure failure.

[Anonymous]

I think we can all agree that OP should have pushed back on "We'll decide when we get there," but that doesn't obligate them to put up with this for 2+ more weeks.

"You know, we never clarified when you'd be leaving. We can probably manage X more days, but that's the limit. Do you need some help planning where to go next? Anything you've always wanted to see?"

[Anonymous]

OP-why can’t the cousin who took them out today host them?

I agree with other posters: You need to communicate a clear deadline for them to leave this weekend. They can go stay in a hotel or with another relative.

Where is your spouse in all this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP-why can’t the cousin who took them out today host them?

I agree with other posters: You need to communicate a clear deadline for them to leave this weekend. They can go stay in a hotel or with another relative.

Where is your spouse in all this?

OP here. We are from an East Asian country and all my relatives here say it is a big cultural no no to ask them when they are leaving. My other cousin asked them when they are planning on returning to the state where the son goes to school and they said this Thursday. They haven’t told us directly though. My DH is white so this whole family dynamic is getting to him. It also doesn’t help that both DH and I came down with a stomach bug today.

[Anonymous]

My ex-husband, my 16 year old who lives with him, and his mother are visiting us for Christmas. It was a complete surprise to us, and we'd keep them for a month if we could, but my daughter has to return to school in Oklahoma on the 3rd, so they have to head back by the 30th. This has truly been a wonderful Christmas for us! We love them so!

[Anonymous]

Wait, you and DH have the stomach bug?? You need to cough on utensils, doorknobs, whatever it takes.

Or, grow a spine and just tell them you have enjoyed having them but regret that you will need your home back in teo days, to get things back to normal. Do they need hotel recs? No? Okay, then, no need to make up the beds in two days, you will be stripping the beds and throwing it all in the wash. Have a safe trip back to East Asia!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex-husband, my 16 year old who lives with him, and his mother are visiting us for Christmas. It was a complete surprise to us, and we'd keep them for a month if we could, but my daughter has to return to school in Oklahoma on the 3rd, so they have to head back by the 30th. This has truly been a wonderful Christmas for us! We love them so!

Are you being sarcastic? If not, what does this have to do with the topic at hand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-why can’t the cousin who took them out today host them?

I agree with other posters: You need to communicate a clear deadline for them to leave this weekend. They can go stay in a hotel or with another relative.

Where is your spouse in all this?

OP here. We are from an East Asian country and all my relatives here say it is a big cultural no no to ask them when they are leaving. My other cousin asked them when they are planning on returning to the state where the son goes to school and they said this Thursday. They haven’t told us directly though. My DH is white so this whole family dynamic is getting to him. It also doesn’t help that both DH and I came down with a stomach bug today.

This is one of those times where you can be all "we're in America now, and the American way is that FISH AND GUESTS STINK AFTER THREE DAYS!" You know? Pull the American card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-why can’t the cousin who took them out today host them?

I agree with other posters: You need to communicate a clear deadline for them to leave this weekend. They can go stay in a hotel or with another relative.

Where is your spouse in all this?

OP here. We are from an East Asian country and all my relatives here say it is a big cultural no no to ask them when they are leaving. My other cousin asked them when they are planning on returning to the state where the son goes to school and they said this Thursday. They haven’t told us directly though. My DH is white so this whole family dynamic is getting to him. It also doesn’t help that both DH and I came down with a stomach bug today.

This is one of those times where you can be all "we're in America now, and the American way is that FISH AND GUESTS STINK AFTER THREE DAYS!" You know? Pull the American card.

Actually a good solution is to have your husband ask them when they’re planning to leave. He’s American so if your family says something to you it’s easy to brush off as “oh that’s how Americans are”