Sandwich generation

[Anonymous]

Hang in there, OP and PPs. I'm there, too--remember so clearly being pregnant and sick as a dog with my third at 39, while at the same time taking my mom to various appointments for her cancer treatment. At least we could share Zofran! She's better now, thankfully, but assuming she and my dad live another 10 years we'll have parents in their 80s and tweens/teenagers. It's not easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is different now.

My mom was 24 when I was born and her’s and my dad’s parents were in their mid to late 40s. Nothing was considered odd about this. My mother was a grandmother (my sister’s kids) with her three kids through college by the time her mom needed substantial care.

I had my children at 40 and 43. I am lucky that my mom and dad are relatively young. They are late 70s and have no substantial health issues and I am hopeful there will be no real health issues for my parents (or DH’s, who are around the same age) before our kids are in college.

It is not typical for any population, even DC proper. You can hardly cite your experience as generational, because DCUM alone does not represent a whole generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question: why is it called the sandwich "generation"? Doesn't every generation have to deal with both kids and aging parents at some point?

No. my generation is unique in that professional women put off having children until much later in life than is culturally normal, historically in the U.S., and worldwide. So if you are having children in your late 30s and early 40s, as I did, that means that you will, at age 60 be dealing with 1) children in college, tuition expenses, cars, etc., 2) your elderly parents (mine are almost 90) and 3) worrying about your own retirement, all at once - hence the term "sandwich generation" because we are sandwiched in by competing emotional and financial needs.

Again, you and a generation as a whole do not necessarily follow the same path. The majority of men in the U.S. are not college-educated and do not delay having children.

[Anonymous]

^^the majority of people, men and women alike

[Anonymous]

I am 35 with a 2 year old child. My parents are 65. Both divorced and remarried. I am the only sibling that is leaned on for support. Both dad and stepdad have been battling various cancers. Mom has a variety of health issues, stepmom is a worthless human being. It is HARD.

Just the other day I did preschool drop off, dropped my mom at a colonoscopy, went to the grocery, picked up at preschool, got mom from colonoscopy then drove all back to mom's house. Got kid down for nap, mom settled in her bed, put away her groceries, prepped meals for both households for the week. Then while mom kept half an eye on the toddler I got work done (yep, I have a job too). Then drove myself and toddler home in rush hour traffic (which took an hour). Toddler puked on himself in the car. Got that cleaned up on the side of 495. Got him in the house. As I'm putting away the food, toddler knocks over the Christmas tree. I realize I should have somehow secured that to the wall like the rest of the furniture. Phone rings, dad lets me know his latest scans show cancer is not subsiding with treatment so they are scheduling a surgery. He tells me the date - and get this - same date as my stepdad's surgery for the SAME KIND OF CANCER.

By the time I got to tucking the toddler into bed I realized I hadn't eaten a real meal, hadn't taken my meds or had a moment to myself AND missed a deadline at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question: why is it called the sandwich "generation"? Doesn't every generation have to deal with both kids and aging parents at some point?

No. my generation is unique in that professional women put off having children until much later in life than is culturally normal, historically in the U.S., and worldwide. So if you are having children in your late 30s and early 40s, as I did, that means that you will, at age 60 be dealing with 1) children in college, tuition expenses, cars, etc., 2) your elderly parents (mine are almost 90) and 3) worrying about your own retirement, all at once - hence the term "sandwich generation" because we are sandwiched in by competing emotional and financial needs.

Again, you and a generation as a whole do not necessarily follow the same path. The majority of men in the U.S. are not college-educated and do not delay having children.

I think you are missing the point. It's the women who carry most of the familial burdens that go with being part of the sandwich burden. I've got young children to deal with, college-aged kids, parents with dementia and money is flying out of the house because we are meeting everyone else's needs at an age when prior generations retired. My mother had me at age 23, which was considered pushing it by her own parents. I was the first member of my family to finish college and the first to ever go to graduate school. My generation was told we women could have it all so we pushed off getting married and having children - some of us too late. We were told by our gynecologists "oh i have women in their 40s having children" and believed it would be easy. We had children in late 30s and early 40s. So we are now paying college tuition in our 60s while taking care of our parents who are in their mid to late 80s and paying to take care of dementia - because people are living longer. In sharp contrast, my dad retired in his 50s and my mother never worked. I now take care of them all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question: why is it called the sandwich "generation"? Doesn't every generation have to deal with both kids and aging parents at some point?

No. my generation is unique in that professional women put off having children until much later in life than is culturally normal, historically in the U.S., and worldwide. So if you are having children in your late 30s and early 40s, as I did, that means that you will, at age 60 be dealing with 1) children in college, tuition expenses, cars, etc., 2) your elderly parents (mine are almost 90) and 3) worrying about your own retirement, all at once - hence the term "sandwich generation" because we are sandwiched in by competing emotional and financial needs.

Again, you and a generation as a whole do not necessarily follow the same path. The majority of men in the U.S. are not college-educated and do not delay having children.

I think you are missing the point. It's the women who carry most of the familial burdens that go with being part of the sandwich burden. I've got young children to deal with, college-aged kids, parents with dementia and money is flying out of the house because we are meeting everyone else's needs at an age when prior generations retired. My mother had me at age 23, which was considered pushing it by her own parents. I was the first member of my family to finish college and the first to ever go to graduate school. My generation was told we women could have it all so we pushed off getting married and having children - some of us too late. We were told by our gynecologists "oh i have women in their 40s having children" and believed it would be easy. We had children in late 30s and early 40s. So we are now paying college tuition in our 60s while taking care of our parents who are in their mid to late 80s and paying to take care of dementia - because people are living longer. In sharp contrast, my dad retired in his 50s and my mother never worked. I now take care of them all.

I just want to give you some hugs. I see so many like you at my assisted living facility and its EXPENSIVE to get the care that everyone deserves. Its hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question: why is it called the sandwich "generation"? Doesn't every generation have to deal with both kids and aging parents at some point?

No. my generation is unique in that professional women put off having children until much later in life than is culturally normal, historically in the U.S., and worldwide. So if you are having children in your late 30s and early 40s, as I did, that means that you will, at age 60 be dealing with 1) children in college, tuition expenses, cars, etc., 2) your elderly parents (mine are almost 90) and 3) worrying about your own retirement, all at once - hence the term "sandwich generation" because we are sandwiched in by competing emotional and financial needs.

Again, you and a generation as a whole do not necessarily follow the same path. The majority of men in the U.S. are not college-educated and do not delay having children.

I think you are missing the point. It's the women who carry most of the familial burdens that go with being part of the sandwich burden. I've got young children to deal with, college-aged kids, parents with dementia and money is flying out of the house because we are meeting everyone else's needs at an age when prior generations retired. My mother had me at age 23, which was considered pushing it by her own parents. I was the first member of my family to finish college and the first to ever go to graduate school. My generation was told we women could have it all so we pushed off getting married and having children - some of us too late. We were told by our gynecologists "oh i have women in their 40s having children" and believed it would be easy. We had children in late 30s and early 40s. So we are now paying college tuition in our 60s while taking care of our parents who are in their mid to late 80s and paying to take care of dementia - because people are living longer. In sharp contrast, my dad retired in his 50s and my mother never worked. I now take care of them all.

I just want to give you some hugs. I see so many like you at my assisted living facility and its EXPENSIVE to get the care that everyone deserves. Its hard.

The problem is assisted living and nursing homes provide minimal care and you still have to do a lot for your loved one or they get ignored. I hope I drop dead over having to go to a facility.