Do men like inlaws more than women?
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Anonymous
My mother says it about me and my DH. ALL. THE. TIME. |
Anonymous
NP. +1. |
Anonymous
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Interesting thread. DW and I have very different levels of communication with our families. She calls her mom almost every day and I call my mom once per week. I think, perhaps, my mom is a little jealous that DW calls her mom more often than I call her...but...I'm happy with once per week and that's how it will stay.
Similarly, we each handle gifts for our own families. DW makes very creative photo albums/scrapbooks for her mom and I get my mom something from the store. I will never be the person that makes photo albums, it's just not a strong suit for me or one I am interested in developing. It's certainly possible that my mom is jealous that DW has a different relationship with her parents than I do but we're different people and I don't feel compelled to change something that was working before I met DW simply because there's another person in the picture that does things differently. |
Anonymous
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HAHA my DH would never deal with my parents as much as I deal with his mother. He tolerates seeing them about twice a year and now my dad stays in a hotel when he does come. I see MIL literally every day of my life.
There are differences between the two sets. My parents are not nearly as helpful as MIL. They also mind their own business and have good advice, which MIL does not. So it’s a trade off, I guess. My parents would drive DH insane if they lived nearby just by pure virtue of how incredibly different they are from him. But they respect boundaries. |
Anonymous
This is very true in my family. All the SILs are revered, including my own DH. They can do no wrong, or if they do, it's easily forgiven or the in-laws walk on eggshells to avoid upsetting anyone. DILs are expected to bend over backwards, follow the in-laws' religion, diet, advice, and if they don't, there's something wrong with DIL. |
Anonymous
I actually think my DH would write something 99% similar. His mom is extremely jealous of the time spent with my family, all the phone calls, etc. It's made it hard for me as a DIL. I know that DH thinks it's enough though. |
Anonymous
Is this a different culture? I really don't see so much being expected of DILs by older relatives. |
Anonymous
Yes, south asian. Parents basically consider women to be their responsibility until they are married off, and so are greatly appreciative when a man finally "takes responsibility" for their daughter, at least in my extended family. Nevermind that these days it seems that the women are more educated with professional degrees, etc. than the men. |
Anonymous
| Interesting - I posted the initial ingrained sexism response and we're third and fifth generation American (depending on the side of the family). I think maybe part of the 'glad you'll take my daughter' piece is that my SIL's and I were all well toward our mid-late 30's when we got married. Certainly not old, but I think our respective parents thought we might never get married and have kids, and that's their gold standard for happiness. |
Anonymous
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My DH gets along well with my family because my dad is laid back and just likes that he provides for me and the kids, is a loving dad, etc etc. He doesn't judge how clean he keeps our house or how well our lawn is mowed. He doesn't judge my DH if my kids are wearing stripes and polka dots at the same time. He doesn't judge his cooking or think he doesn't cook enough. He doesn't complain my DH doesn't call him enough. He doesn't expect gifts, cards or letters from my DH for birthdays etc.
however, My MIL does all of those things towards me. I am constantly judged and held up to a standard that she has set for herself. Not one that DH wants and he often complains about how his mom micromanaged him and what he wore and is happy i don't do that for the kids. However, he says little when she makes remarks like "well isn't that an interesting outfit your mom let you wear" to me and the kids (yes, not in a kind way, her tone is sarcastic/rude). Of course i don't get along with someone who has made it her mission to find fault in me just breathing. Of course DH likes my family, they don't judge him, put unrealistic expectations on him or hold him responsible for every interaction. |
Anonymous
We don't have kids, but this is very similar to the dynamic between my DH and FIL and me and DH's mother. |
Anonymous
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My parents have always treated DH with respect and and a member of the family but don't expect him to know the names of every third and fourth cousin etc. however, MIL has treated me like an outsider from first meeting and gets so upset if I forget the name of someone I only saw a picture of once while flipping through an album 3 years ago. True story.
I honestly don't want to hate on MIL as I have had good relationships with the moms of old boyfriends. But it is like the second a relationship is serious Mothers of sons go crazy. I and FIL get along fine, always have. The common denominator is usually the mothers of sons. |
Anonymous
Ha! NP here. My parents have never said this, but this is exactly how they behave. My inlaws are pretty normal so luckily I didn’t have to deal with the “son settling” attitude. |
Anonymous
By older relatives? Are you a DIL? |
Anonymous
Yes. I help, but no more than MIL's sons help. I'd be pissed if i had to cook or do dishes and her sons didn't help. |