How often do you criticize your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very rarely. We kind of disagree on this. He believes that if you are upset about something, you should bring it up and don't let it fester. I believe that if something isn't a big deal, you should just let it go. This means that he does a lot more of pulling me over to show me how the peanut butter lid wasn't screwed on right, and I do a lot more blowing my top.

The peanut butter thing can be kind of big deal, the lid on wrong peanut butter on the sides leaves extra work and clean up for the next person. Which is just inconsiderate. It gets annoying for the spouse who is always doing the clean up. It's very frustrating when one spouse behaves as a child expecting to be swept up after.

OP here. I get how this could be annoying, but everything I do that DH complains about, he does, too. If I leave a dish in the sink he'll complain about it, but the next day he fills the sink with his own dishes and leaves them for me to do. Or, the other night I forgot to turn a light off downstairs when I came to bed. Rather than ask me nicely to go turn it off, he storms out of the room huffing and puffing to do it himself. A few nights later he forgot to turn it off, and it somehow was still my fault because I should have seen it and gotten up to do it myself. Or, I asked him what he wanted for Christmas and he replied a household appliance (that I'm indifferent to but he really wants). He then asked me what I want and I replied a spa day or massage, to which he responded "see, *I* choose something that benefits the whole family while *you* choose something that is just for you" and implies I'm selfish for doing so. Or, after social events, he'll spend hours recapping everything I did "wrong". No, I don't do anything wrong or socially awkward; the only awkward thing is now I avoid talking around people because I know I'll get an earful at home. Or, he can't handle something like a simple diaper change on his own and complains that I couldn't just see he needed help and take over.

At this point I think I'm going to get "the complaint department is now closed" tattooed on my forehead.

[Anonymous]

Only when he pisses me off. He never criticizes me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very rarely. We kind of disagree on this. He believes that if you are upset about something, you should bring it up and don't let it fester. I believe that if something isn't a big deal, you should just let it go. This means that he does a lot more of pulling me over to show me how the peanut butter lid wasn't screwed on right, and I do a lot more blowing my top.

OP here. This is exactly our problem. Our marriage counselor told him to knock it off, we've been reading a book on how destructive criticism is to a marriage, and he still thinks there's no problem, he's "just talking". Funny thing is, if I complain about anything (which I rarely do), it's "why are you being such a b****??"

OP, you leave him. He doesn't deserve you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very rarely. We kind of disagree on this. He believes that if you are upset about something, you should bring it up and don't let it fester. I believe that if something isn't a big deal, you should just let it go. This means that he does a lot more of pulling me over to show me how the peanut butter lid wasn't screwed on right, and I do a lot more blowing my top.

The peanut butter thing can be kind of big deal, the lid on wrong peanut butter on the sides leaves extra work and clean up for the next person. Which is just inconsiderate. It gets annoying for the spouse who is always doing the clean up. It's very frustrating when one spouse behaves as a child expecting to be swept up after.

OP here. I get how this could be annoying, but everything I do that DH complains about, he does, too. If I leave a dish in the sink he'll complain about it, but the next day he fills the sink with his own dishes and leaves them for me to do. Or, the other night I forgot to turn a light off downstairs when I came to bed. Rather than ask me nicely to go turn it off, he storms out of the room huffing and puffing to do it himself. A few nights later he forgot to turn it off, and it somehow was still my fault because I should have seen it and gotten up to do it myself. Or, I asked him what he wanted for Christmas and he replied a household appliance (that I'm indifferent to but he really wants). He then asked me what I want and I replied a spa day or massage, to which he responded "see, *I* choose something that benefits the whole family while *you* choose something that is just for you" and implies I'm selfish for doing so. Or, after social events, he'll spend hours recapping everything I did "wrong". No, I don't do anything wrong or socially awkward; the only awkward thing is now I avoid talking around people because I know I'll get an earful at home. Or, he can't handle something like a simple diaper change on his own and complains that I couldn't just see he needed help and take over.

At this point I think I'm going to get "the complaint department is now closed" tattooed on my forehead.

OP, I think these complaints are symptoms of a larger problem, not the problem to focus on. He sounds like he has a lot of contempt for you.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/07/06/predicting-divorce-the-four-horsemen-of-the-apocalpyse/

[Anonymous]

He’s emotionally abusive and/or giving himself permission to have an affair. (I had no choice but have an affair because DW is an idiot)