My teens hate me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every 4 or 5 months I feel like my DD and I aren't connected as much as we need to. I'll take her out for a drink (boba, Starbucks, whatever) and we'll talk. "What's up with Erin?" "What happened to that boy who was annoying you in math?" "Are you and Cole still friends?" These types of questions get her talking.

Ugh. That sounds terrible. My mom still asks me this kind of nosy stuff at almost 40 and it makes me not want to share anything.

Ditto. Anything I tell my mom gives her an opening for a lengthy, obsessive interrogation.

Same. I hate answering the non-stop questions - interrogation style. Also why I guit Facebook. She was stalking me online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every 4 or 5 months I feel like my DD and I aren't connected as much as we need to. I'll take her out for a drink (boba, Starbucks, whatever) and we'll talk. "What's up with Erin?" "What happened to that boy who was annoying you in math?" "Are you and Cole still friends?" These types of questions get her talking.

Ugh. That sounds terrible. My mom still asks me this kind of nosy stuff at almost 40 and it makes me not want to share anything.

Ditto. Anything I tell my mom gives her an opening for a lengthy, obsessive interrogation.

Same. I hate answering the non-stop questions - interrogation style. Also why I guit Facebook. She was stalking me online.

Lol, did you miss the part where I said it's every 4 or 5 months? And perhaps it wasn't clear, but those were examples of things I'd ask to get her talking. I don't interrogate her. God, you all have such mother issues. that it's impossible for you to believe a mother and daughter can actually get along well.

[Anonymous]

I had typical teenage drama with my parents but nothing extreme. However, in my early 20's I went off the rails - mental health issues, substance abuse, dropping out of college, overall irresponsibility and immaturity coupled with floundering in school/work. My parents must have been in agony, but we all got through it. I finished college (eventually), got into an undistinguished Master's program, did well, and got a job that led to a career. I see in hindsight that they must have been walking a tightrope with me - wanting to intervene but also in absolute terror of pushing me away. I was living close to home, and every week they'd call just to chat, tell me about family news, movies, their work, anything but probing me about getting my act together. They took me to dinner, invited me to things, invited me over for Sunday dinners and to do my laundry. They cut me off financially, but offered moving back in with them as an option as long as I was working or in school. They set boundaries, but never badgered me or offered unsolicited advice. In fact, I only applied to graduate school because my mom said "of course you can do it!" They kept me safe and close by being a safe haven of stability. I already thought I was total garbage - they boosted my self-esteem just by treating me like I was worthy of normal, everyday human interaction. Everything I've accomplished is directly due to their nonjudgmental support. Just be there. Be there every step of the way. Hopefully, like me, they WILL come to appreciate and marvel at your unconditional love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every 4 or 5 months I feel like my DD and I aren't connected as much as we need to. I'll take her out for a drink (boba, Starbucks, whatever) and we'll talk. "What's up with Erin?" "What happened to that boy who was annoying you in math?" "Are you and Cole still friends?" These types of questions get her talking.

Ugh. That sounds terrible. My mom still asks me this kind of nosy stuff at almost 40 and it makes me not want to share anything.

Ditto. Anything I tell my mom gives her an opening for a lengthy, obsessive interrogation.

Same. I hate answering the non-stop questions - interrogation style. Also why I guit Facebook. She was stalking me online.

Lol, did you miss the part where I said it's every 4 or 5 months? And perhaps it wasn't clear, but those were examples of things I'd ask to get her talking. I don't interrogate her. God, you all have such mother issues. that it's impossible for you to believe a mother and daughter can actually get along well.

+1 you only get parents haters responding whenever someone post about their efforts to have a relationship with their child. PP you quoted sounds entitled, like they're doing their parents a favor by acknowledging them. They're lucky to have the love of anyone with attitudes like that. If I was PP's mother I would have done with her a long time ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had typical teenage drama with my parents but nothing extreme. However, in my early 20's I went off the rails - mental health issues, substance abuse, dropping out of college, overall irresponsibility and immaturity coupled with floundering in school/work. My parents must have been in agony, but we all got through it. I finished college (eventually), got into an undistinguished Master's program, did well, and got a job that led to a career. I see in hindsight that they must have been walking a tightrope with me - wanting to intervene but also in absolute terror of pushing me away. I was living close to home, and every week they'd call just to chat, tell me about family news, movies, their work, anything but probing me about getting my act together. They took me to dinner, invited me to things, invited me over for Sunday dinners and to do my laundry. They cut me off financially, but offered moving back in with them as an option as long as I was working or in school. They set boundaries, but never badgered me or offered unsolicited advice. In fact, I only applied to graduate school because my mom said "of course you can do it!" They kept me safe and close by being a safe haven of stability. I already thought I was total garbage - they boosted my self-esteem just by treating me like I was worthy of normal, everyday human interaction. Everything I've accomplished is directly due to their nonjudgmental support. Just be there. Be there every step of the way. Hopefully, like me, they WILL come to appreciate and marvel at your unconditional love.

Thank you for posting this! Going through something similar with one of my teens and it is so encouraging to read this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every 4 or 5 months I feel like my DD and I aren't connected as much as we need to. I'll take her out for a drink (boba, Starbucks, whatever) and we'll talk. "What's up with Erin?" "What happened to that boy who was annoying you in math?" "Are you and Cole still friends?" These types of questions get her talking.

Ugh. That sounds terrible. My mom still asks me this kind of nosy stuff at almost 40 and it makes me not want to share anything.

Ditto. Anything I tell my mom gives her an opening for a lengthy, obsessive interrogation.

Same. I hate answering the non-stop questions - interrogation style. Also why I guit Facebook. She was stalking me online.

Lol, did you miss the part where I said it's every 4 or 5 months? And perhaps it wasn't clear, but those were examples of things I'd ask to get her talking. I don't interrogate her. God, you all have such mother issues. that it's impossible for you to believe a mother and daughter can actually get along well.

+1 you only get parents haters responding whenever someone post about their efforts to have a relationship with their child. PP you quoted sounds entitled, like they're doing their parents a favor by acknowledging them. They're lucky to have the love of anyone with attitudes like that. If I was PP's mother I would have done with her a long time ago.

I'll go one higher.... I would not have RAISED such an entitled child. (Usually, the parents raise kids to such levels of entitlement!)

My mother would always ask "what's going on with Dave that has the job as an Accountant" or "Susie that was boy-crazy." LOL. It was just a way to connect and show interest in my life (and some passing curiosity). I do the same with my high school teens and when they are feeling particularly indulgent, they will get out their yearbooks (or their phone to share Instagram) and update me on their teen-universe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had typical teenage drama with my parents but nothing extreme. However, in my early 20's I went off the rails - mental health issues, substance abuse, dropping out of college, overall irresponsibility and immaturity coupled with floundering in school/work. My parents must have been in agony, but we all got through it. I finished college (eventually), got into an undistinguished Master's program, did well, and got a job that led to a career. I see in hindsight that they must have been walking a tightrope with me - wanting to intervene but also in absolute terror of pushing me away. I was living close to home, and every week they'd call just to chat, tell me about family news, movies, their work, anything but probing me about getting my act together. They took me to dinner, invited me to things, invited me over for Sunday dinners and to do my laundry. They cut me off financially, but offered moving back in with them as an option as long as I was working or in school. They set boundaries, but never badgered me or offered unsolicited advice. In fact, I only applied to graduate school because my mom said "of course you can do it!" They kept me safe and close by being a safe haven of stability. I already thought I was total garbage - they boosted my self-esteem just by treating me like I was worthy of normal, everyday human interaction. Everything I've accomplished is directly due to their nonjudgmental support. Just be there. Be there every step of the way. Hopefully, like me, they WILL come to appreciate and marvel at your unconditional love.

Thank you for posting this! Going through something similar with one of my teens and it is so encouraging to read this.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every 4 or 5 months I feel like my DD and I aren't connected as much as we need to. I'll take her out for a drink (boba, Starbucks, whatever) and we'll talk. "What's up with Erin?" "What happened to that boy who was annoying you in math?" "Are you and Cole still friends?" These types of questions get her talking.

Ugh. That sounds terrible. My mom still asks me this kind of nosy stuff at almost 40 and it makes me not want to share anything.

Ditto. Anything I tell my mom gives her an opening for a lengthy, obsessive interrogation.

Same. I hate answering the non-stop questions - interrogation style. Also why I guit Facebook. She was stalking me online.

Lol, did you miss the part where I said it's every 4 or 5 months? And perhaps it wasn't clear, but those were examples of things I'd ask to get her talking. I don't interrogate her. God, you all have such mother issues. that it's impossible for you to believe a mother and daughter can actually get along well.

+1 you only get parents haters responding whenever someone post about their efforts to have a relationship with their child. PP you quoted sounds entitled, like they're doing their parents a favor by acknowledging them. They're lucky to have the love of anyone with attitudes like that. If I was PP's mother I would have done with her a long time ago.

I'll go one higher.... I would not have RAISED such an entitled child. (Usually, the parents raise kids to such levels of entitlement!)

My mother would always ask "what's going on with Dave that has the job as an Accountant" or "Susie that was boy-crazy." LOL. It was just a way to connect and show interest in my life (and some passing curiosity). I do the same with my high school teens and when they are feeling particularly indulgent, they will get out their yearbooks (or their phone to share Instagram) and update me on their teen-universe.

Right? My DD is so amused that I remember the name of her friend's iguana. There's a huge difference between asking your daughter "How's Geico doing these days?" and "Is Geico getting any attention these days now that Jamie is hanging out with that loser she's dating?" I don't ask judgey question, and my responses have minimal judgment.

[Anonymous]

OP, if it's any consolation, your kids will appreciate you in a few years. My 19-year-old is already telling me voluntarily, out of nowhere and on multiple occasions, that he wishes he worked harder in high school. Before that, however, I went through years of hell being the "tough" parent who wanted DS to get his C's and D's up to B's (he did magnet middle school, he's definitely smart enough) while XDH was the "friend" who told DS "grades don't matter" and my insistence on B's was an "obsession". DS also volunteers that he doesn't respect XDH. Kids want *reasonable* structure and boundaries, even if they won't tell you at the time.