Getting remarried and want another baby, but...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, but make sure this guy is forever.

Good luck with that. I bet she thought hubby #1 was forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have primary physical custody of your daughter? I think it's easier when it's the mom who has kids with different dads. They are spending most time with their mom.

But your kids will always have two different sets of parents. That comes into play a million times. Birthday party size/affordability, vacations, school choices, gifts, when they get cell phones, access to cars, college choices. Due to money mostly, but also potentially competing parenting values between the dads.

If you've got a solid relationship now and a decent compare ting relationship with your ex, then I would probably just add a good therapist who you can touch bases with as complex parenting issues come up. That's not necessary but I think it's valuable. (I'm a step mom).

No family is perfect. But every family can be really good.

Yes I do.

Trust me, that's a concern too. There's already a difference in the way she's being raised compared to her siblings. She can see that and I don't want her to feel that way with me.

[Anonymous]

I have a half brother six years younger than me. We grew up together, and I went to my Dad's house every weekend, too. We are VERY close. I also have a half sister who is seventeen years younger than me. She was adopted after years of my stepmom' infertility struggles. I don't know her as well because I didn't grow up with her but it doesn't matter. Family is family. It hasn't been all rainbows but my parents and stepparents are good, loving people, and I can't imagine my life without them and my siblings in it. Hope that helps OP. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I have a half-brother from my mother's first early marriage. He is 10.5 years older. While my mom's life post-divorce was stable (my father is the only man she dated, they had one child together, and they are still married after almost 40 years), his father married and divorced twice more with stepkids and more half-siblings in the mix. My mom had primary custody. He is forever damaged by his childhood. I can't help but think that if mommy didn't have a new baby, he might be in a different place today. We were never close. I hoped that we would connect as adults, but he is divorced and remarried and treating his children from his first marriage like garbage. My existence is not something that benefited his life in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a half brother six years younger than me. We grew up together, and I went to my Dad's house every weekend, too. We are VERY close. I also have a half sister who is seventeen years younger than me. She was adopted after years of my stepmom' infertility struggles. I don't know her as well because I didn't grow up with her but it doesn't matter. Family is family. It hasn't been all rainbows but my parents and stepparents are good, loving people, and I can't imagine my life without them and my siblings in it. Hope that helps OP. Good luck!

This was very helpful, thank you!

[Anonymous]

It isn't op's fault that her ex impregnated another woman. Then married yet another woman and spread his seed some more.

If anyone deserves another shot at a normal family life, it's her.

She sounds like a good mom navigating an incredibly complicated situation.

If you want to have a baby with your new husband, go for it. It sounds like you have provided your daughter with stability despite the mess her father has caused. I am sure you will do everything you can do to include her and foster a relationship for your children. I wish you the best.

Fwiw, my girls are 8.5 years apart and they have a pretty good relationship. The age gap is a little unconventional, but that is just how things worked out for us and we do our best to make it work. Your daughter will probably be more like a junior parent than a sibling, but that's ok.

[Anonymous]

Closer to my brothers who have a different mom than so am to my "full" brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not like you're running around willy-nilly having babies with everyone you date. You were married before and you're planning to marry again. (and i say this as a single mom.) How's the relationship with your first child's dad? the only thing I'd be worried about is that it might seem unfair if one kid has a great dad and one has a dad who's kind of a dud. How would your child feel about being an older brother/sister? My daughter would have LOVED to have had a younger sibling. (but in my case, I did not want to have TWO kids as a single mom.)

This is why I'd have to be married to someone I believed would be a great dad to have another. DD's dad is involved and has her two nights a week. I don't know how I'd make up for that if I adopted.

[Anonymous]

I divorced, remarried, and had kids with my second husband. There is a big difference in the ages between the ones from my first marriage and from my second, so I have? one who will have a baby when he's 26, and one who will be an uncle when he's 12. Because of the age differences, I think it was easier, since my oldest were adults with their own lives and I only had my youngest ones at home.

[Anonymous]

The child from the previous marriage will likely feel like an outsider in your "real" family. You will have to actively work to ensure those feelings are not validated. I was the first child- it changes my relationship with my mom dramatically for the worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This could be very hard on your daughter given her age. She will likely feel like an outsider to the family unit of you, husband and baby as she will be entering her tween / teen years and that is a hard time to go through the adjustment of only child / single parent for a long time to half sister and step daughter in another blended family.

It is also hard because life ends up revolving around the baby. can't have friends over because baby is sleeping, baby cries a lot when she is trying to do homework, you can't go to your sports game because baby etc.

I think this too, sorry op. It would be a different answer with a younger child, imo