Should I force my kids to play sports?

[Anonymous]

When you find yourself using the words force in the same sentence about kids' activities, it's a good idea to take a deep breath and reflect on why this bothers you so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a teenager now who we are trying to wean back into sports. He started out with baseball and basketball and then in about 3rd grade just didn't have a huge interest and I dropped the ball - I should have pushed him to continue.

By not continuing, he basically lost any real skills or knowledge of the game, and by the time he hit middle school he was very very self-conscious -- which only made him less interested in playing team sports.

We kept him in something throughout this -- martial arts for a few years, more recently tennis. But I feel like we really didn't do him any favors by letting him opt out at 8yo. He will never be a huge sports kid, but for fitting in socially and for staying fit, I wish we had kept him on some team until middle school.

we had the same experience. He regrets quitting too-all his friends play something. The team dynamic is important for boys socially, even if they are not the "best". My son is entering 7th grade and plays on the lower tier teams but is working hard so he can try out in high school. He is getting better and is decent, but had he stayed with it he would be much better and more confident. My oldest hated team sports but discovered tennis around 9. He has played year round ever since. He is a great player but it is not a team sport (in school). He misses out there but he starts high school this year and is excited to (hopefully) be on a team. I would encourage your kids to play something if for no other reason than they have something outside of gaming to do. Much harder to get them in later when kids their age can play at a much higher level.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, exposure is good but forcing is not! My brother went to a private all boys school for ES and MS where they were required to do sports. He hated it! Torture! He looks back on those years, especially MS, with such negative thoughts. There's a culture to organized team sports that did not work for him at all. When he went to public HS, he was just as active but did it on his own with his friends - frisbee, hiking, swimming. As an adult, he could care less that he isn't into football, basketball, or any of the other "men talk". His friends have other shared interests.

[Anonymous]

Physical activity? Yes. Organized team sports? No. There are lots of ways for kids to be active that don't involve sports, and some of them are really interesting. I have friends whose kids are really into hiking and geocaching. Martial arts, yoga, running, biking, skateboarding, dance, swimming, etc. are all ways for the kids to keep active and stay fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, exposure is good but forcing is not! My brother went to a private all boys school for ES and MS where they were required to do sports. He hated it! Torture! He looks back on those years, especially MS, with such negative thoughts. There's a culture to organized team sports that did not work for him at all. When he went to public HS, he was just as active but did it on his own with his friends - frisbee, hiking, swimming. As an adult, he could care less that he isn't into football, basketball, or any of the other "men talk". His friends have other shared interests.

I had to do team sports as a kid and I hated it so much. I love to run and hike and do yoga, but team sports are just not my thing. I think it's important to have physical activity, but people often overvalue team sports.

[Anonymous]

Yes, Sortta.

We expect them to do one individual and one team sport. But we let them pick which ones. It's currently swimming and hockey but earlier it was Tae Kwon Do and baseball.

It's 4 days a week of exercise and some team building/socializing.

Seems to strike the balance by letting them pick which sports which has always been sufficient to give them the level of control they seek while keeping them from becoming the obese kids you hear about in the news.

They can change sports between seasons, but must complete the season they start.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, my DS is ten, and I wish I'd forced one team sport. It's socially isolating for boys not to play sports in elementary school--it's only later that other things start to kick in more--clubs, academic teams, etc.
My son wants to join his school soccer team this year, and frankly, he's so far behind the other kids, I am worried for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a teenager now who we are trying to wean back into sports. He started out with baseball and basketball and then in about 3rd grade just didn't have a huge interest and I dropped the ball - I should have pushed him to continue.

By not continuing, he basically lost any real skills or knowledge of the game, and by the time he hit middle school he was very very self-conscious -- which only made him less interested in playing team sports.

We kept him in something throughout this -- martial arts for a few years, more recently tennis. But I feel like we really didn't do him any favors by letting him opt out at 8yo. He will never be a huge sports kid, but for fitting in socially and for staying fit, I wish we had kept him on some team until middle school.

I understand your point. My brother never was into team sports. He was always involved in some physical activity and completed in a few track events in high school but never had an interest in anything with a team. He's an adult now and wishes he liked football or basketball and could have conversations with guys about what's going on. He makes an effort to look up who's playing in the super bowl, World Series etc for social situations. He's not trying to be someone he isn't and is comfortable with his life but it makes small talk with guy acquaintances easier.

My son is similar. DH stopped encouraging him to play on teams at 9 when he forcefully said no. My son doesn't mind watching games with my jock husband on tv or going to one in person. I think it's important for boys to have a general knowledge. Call it sexist but it's the truth. My daughter loves the team environment and wanted to play soccer as soon as she could walk. She also watches games with DH.

I disagree. My husband doesn't know a thing about team sports. He's a rock climber, swimmer, and cyclist and has done quite well thus far in life w/o knowing anything about teams that bash each others' heads in. My son is following in his path and neither of us have a single worry about his knowledge (or lack thereof) of popular sports.

[Anonymous]

Depending on their ages, if they tried once I wouldn't push them. If they are young enough they could go back to the same sport and may click for them later. Try having his friends be on the same team. Kids are fickle anything can turn them off, if the weather is hot playing soccer and running around aimlessly, for example, or if the water is too cold swimming.

[Anonymous]

What PP said is key! I think it's fine to push a child to try something once but if they hate it you should not make them do it again. By once I mean the whole season. So if your child has already given something a real try give him a choice of two or three other team sports.

Most kids start out with soccer in K at our school. By 1st, a few of the less sporty kids stop playing by everyone else is still in it. By 2nd and 3rd a lot of kids are coordinated enough to start moving on to other sports so there are many more choices. If soccer's not your thing, there's baseball, basketball, lacrosse, flag football, and so on.

[Anonymous]

OP, you don't say how old these boys are and that is important.

Are they 3 or 5 years old? Yes, you should force them. Kid that age have no idea what they like, until they try it.

Are they 11 and 9? No, you don't force them.